T Nation

Gettting a Massage & Farting

So i got my first massage last week…and the whole time i had to fart.

it was a 30min appointment…and about 25 of those minutes were her working on my lower back/glutes/hamstrings.

wtf is the protocol with that?

obv. i didn’t fart…but MAN i had to squeeze that bugger back up into my body about 5 times. she even commented on how tight i was from time to time (right when i was holding it in).

there are bad times to fart; and there are BAD times.

RIGHT after she finished; she left so i could change…and i farted. then she came RIGHT back in … i was thankful it was a non-smelly one.

same thing happened when i went to PT after that. :-/

sucks.

Take some Gas-x beforehand.

That’s AWESOME! lol… I’ve been there… I don’t think it’s right… if you can hold it… hold it… but quite honestly… they’re probably used to it happening…

I’m new here but that’s gotta be a contender for post of the year. lol

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[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
You think that’s bad?

I had a massage on the beach, from a toothless old Thai mamma and when I had to turn over, I had a semi on.

Hearing her and her co-workers chuckle to each other was preeety embarrassing.

BBB[/quote]

Shoot, I had a gynecologist fart during a breast exam. That was uncomfortable.

haha…BBB and PMPM…great stories.

glad to see i’m not the only one that’s been in “fun” positions.

I have PT today (no massage) and I’ve been farting up a bit of a storm today at work. I just hope I am able to squeeze out the last of it before I go in. :-/

what in your diet is making u fart so much?

i was literally a leafblower for 2 days there after eating my bodyweight in stuffing.

I’m a massage therapist and have had clients fart while I was working on them. It took everything in me to not dutch oven them with the sheets.

The worst was when I was using a shitty brand of creatine AND eating a ton of broccoli and cauliflower. I was holding in farts for a week. Between massages, I would run to the bathroom and just fart my ass off.

[quote]thosebananas wrote:
what in your diet is making u fart so much?

i was literally a leafblower for 2 days there after eating my bodyweight in stuffing.[/quote]

Cut down on the brocoli.

my girlfriend really enjoyed the week off or so of lax dieting over the holidays…less protein=less blowing her outta the bed

luckily i have returned with a vengence

[quote]tootles27 wrote:
thosebananas wrote:
what in your diet is making u fart so much?

i was literally a leafblower for 2 days there after eating my bodyweight in stuffing.

Cut down on the brocoli.[/quote]

who said anything about brocoli?

[quote]thosebananas wrote:
tootles27 wrote:
thosebananas wrote:
what in your diet is making u fart so much?

i was literally a leafblower for 2 days there after eating my bodyweight in stuffing.

Cut down on the brocoli.

who said anything about brocoli?

[/quote]

Sorry, that is my answer to everyone that has gas. (^:

Bahahahaha b rock your description was really good I’ve been in similar situations and I know exactly what you mean. Having to fart at inopportune times SUCKS.

[quote]B rocK wrote:

wtf is the protocol with that? [/quote]

That depends. There are generally a very few select responses.

a) let one loose and then yell, “holy shit you ARE relaxing!!”

b) Let one loose and start crying. When she asks what’s wrong, say, “my uncle touched me there too!”

c) Hold it in and then let it out in small bursts every time you cough. Then, for that last long one, say, “exccuuuuuuuuuuuse me”.

d) Ask her if she farted, then, while she is saying, “No”, let it rip. That should confuse her enough until the smell hits.

[quote]Professor X wrote:
B rocK wrote:

wtf is the protocol with that?

That depends. There are generally a very few select responses.

a) let one loose and then yell, “holy shit you ARE relaxing!!”

b) Let one loose and start crying. When she asks what’s wrong, say, “my uncle touched me there too!”

c) Hold it in and then let it out in small bursts every time you cough. Then, for that last long one, say, “exccuuuuuuuuuuuse me”.

d) Ask her if she farted, then, while she is saying, “No”, let it rip. That should confuse her enough until the smell hits.

[/quote]

HAHAHAAAAAA

well done.

i like the lighter side iv’e noticed.

i did just laugh so hard i made a weird sound pretty loudly at work…good work.

I eat a lot of protien. 4-500g

yes it’s a lot

but it works for me

minus the farting.

my girl doesn’t ever care about my farts…so it’s all gravy.

[quote]B rocK wrote:
I eat a lot of protien. 4-500g

yes it’s a lot

but it works for me

minus the farting.

my girl doesn’t ever care about my farts…so it’s all gravy.[/quote]

I NEVER fart. I think it is disgusting…like burping. I NEVER do that either.

Or masturbate.

My Ex had IBS… so she was handicapped in the fart department… she would ALWAYS out fart me… kinda made me jealous in a twisted way…

I hate it when girls get mad at me for burping. There is gas in there and it is coming out one way or another, pick an end.