T Nation

Getting Over Bullying Experiences

I was going to make this a huge rant about life in general but I might spare that for later.

Anyway,for some background,when I was hitting adolescence,I got strangely depressed for no apparent reason and really kind of shut myself off from a lot of the world,except for some friends. My school started going worse and I even ended up in psychiatric care because the school staff perceived I was a victim of incest or something like that. Recently when I’ve been studying my life,present and past,I’ve come to identify bullying,or shall I say lack of good company and the precense of bad,as a reason for a lot of my mental and emotional hardship.

Since I was like seven,I got involved with a person who was largely avoided by the rest of the class. This went on and off until I was about 18 (as of writing,I’m 24) and finally kind of said “no” although in a subtle,even submissive way. Over time there were some other friends who were abusive and through these I got into some sticky situations with strangers.

Anyway,I’m sure there are people,even on this forum maybe,who by certain criteria have had it twice or three times as bad in a technical sense but this is me.

Mostly the abuse involved subtle or less subtle belittlement,mockery,calling names,ridicule in front of spectators,slight property damage and theft,ungratefullness,deception,threats and physical abuse; punching,grappling,had a knife to my neck (presumably as a ‘joke’) etc.

What pisses me off is that given the following premises,it’s supposed to be OK:
-It was many years ago,so get over it
-‘boys’ games’
-you probably did something bad too (never mind if it was not close)
-“they/it/he/her…problematic childhood” blah,blah"

Sometimes I try to rationalize it by thinking that I’m simply inherently sensitive and sort of deluded in my feelings to take things as bad as they feel. Then again,I sincerely believe it’s contrary to human nature (biologically) to simply forget and forgive; if something bothers you,then that is not the option. Human life like animal life is about dominance and getting raked over the coals and then going Jesus on the guilty is submission,which is inherently harmful for a human,and relegates them to a bottom feeding existence of inferiority. I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing. I keep having dreams about it constantly. Sometimes it includes fighting,sometimes negotiation. These images probably have inspired or irritated me into training somewhat.

Sometimes I get mellow and feel like hugging the world in all its glory and filth alike, but unfortunately that feeling passes. Sometimes I feel like taking therapy but a slightly easier day comes,and I delay it.
I kind of juggle between two extremes in philosophy and emotion. I feel that I tend towards the soft and forgiving side,and this could not happen again but I find it hard to get over the damages that were inflicted when I was vulnerable.

Thanks for reading.

[quote]Alffi wrote:
I was going to make this a huge rant about life in general but I might spare that for later.

Anyway,for some background,when I was hitting adolescence,I got strangely depressed for no apparent reason and really kind of shut myself off from a lot of the world,except for some friends. My school started going worse and I even ended up in psychiatric care because the school staff perceived I was a victim of incest or something like that. Recently when I’ve been studying my life,present and past,I’ve come to identify bullying,or shall I say lack of good company and the precense of bad,as a reason for a lot of my mental and emotional hardship.

Since I was like seven,I got involved with a person who was largely avoided by the rest of the class. This went on and off until I was about 18 (as of writing,I’m 24) and finally kind of said “no” although in a subtle,even submissive way. Over time there were some other friends who were abusive and through these I got into some sticky situations with strangers.

Anyway,I’m sure there are people,even on this forum maybe,who by certain criteria have had it twice or three times as bad in a technical sense but this is me.

Mostly the abuse involved subtle or less subtle belittlement,mockery,calling names,ridicule in front of spectators,slight property damage and theft,ungratefullness,deception,threats and physical abuse; punching,grappling,had a knife to my neck (presumably as a ‘joke’) etc.

What pisses me off is that given the following premises,it’s supposed to be OK:
-It was many years ago,so get over it
-‘boys’ games’
-you probably did something bad too (never mind if it was not close)
-“they/it/he/her…problematic childhood” blah,blah"

Sometimes I try to rationalize it by thinking that I’m simply inherently sensitive and sort of deluded in my feelings to take things as bad as they feel. Then again,I sincerely believe it’s contrary to human nature (biologically) to simply forget and forgive; if something bothers you,then that is not the option. Human life like animal life is about dominance and getting raked over the coals and then going Jesus on the guilty is submission,which is inherently harmful for a human,and relegates them to a bottom feeding existence of inferiority. I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing. I keep having dreams about it constantly. Sometimes it includes fighting,sometimes negotiation. These images probably have inspired or irritated me into training somewhat.

Sometimes I get mellow and feel like hugging the world in all its glory and filth alike, but unfortunately that feeling passes. Sometimes I feel like taking therapy but a slightly easier day comes,and I delay it.
I kind of juggle between two extremes in philosophy and emotion. I feel that I tend towards the soft and forgiving side,and this could not happen again but I find it hard to get over the damages that were inflicted when I was vulnerable.

Thanks for reading.

[/quote]

Life is great, then there’s the human factor. Parents are a crap shoot, you get what you get. That’s the start, life can very between heaven and hell. Then there could be siblings, again it’s a crap shoot. Add 12 years of school and you could have instant insanity or a road made of gold bricks.

You are what others have made you. If you wish to undo that nightmare, you can. If you wish to be free of the burdens of others for the rest of your life, you can. Some have made a religion out of this practise. Religion or not you end up in the same place.

The practise is Meditation. If done right it will bring you peace of mind. Yoga instructors can aid you or Buddist Monks or you can learn on your own. If you wish to try the latter MP me and I will give you the Author of what I believe to be the best books out there.

I’m not religious but I have peace of mind and a free spirit.

Good luck!

[quote]Alffi wrote:
I was going to make this a huge rant about life in general but I might spare that for later.

Anyway,for some background,when I was hitting adolescence,I got strangely depressed for no apparent reason and really kind of shut myself off from a lot of the world,except for some friends. My school started going worse and I even ended up in psychiatric care because the school staff perceived I was a victim of incest or something like that. Recently when I’ve been studying my life,present and past,I’ve come to identify bullying,or shall I say lack of good company and the precense of bad,as a reason for a lot of my mental and emotional hardship.

Since I was like seven,I got involved with a person who was largely avoided by the rest of the class. This went on and off until I was about 18 (as of writing,I’m 24) and finally kind of said “no” although in a subtle,even submissive way. Over time there were some other friends who were abusive and through these I got into some sticky situations with strangers.

Anyway,I’m sure there are people,even on this forum maybe,who by certain criteria have had it twice or three times as bad in a technical sense but this is me.

Mostly the abuse involved subtle or less subtle belittlement,mockery,calling names,ridicule in front of spectators,slight property damage and theft,ungratefullness,deception,threats and physical abuse; punching,grappling,had a knife to my neck (presumably as a ‘joke’) etc.

What pisses me off is that given the following premises,it’s supposed to be OK:
-It was many years ago,so get over it
-‘boys’ games’
-you probably did something bad too (never mind if it was not close)
-“they/it/he/her…problematic childhood” blah,blah"

Sometimes I try to rationalize it by thinking that I’m simply inherently sensitive and sort of deluded in my feelings to take things as bad as they feel. Then again,I sincerely believe it’s contrary to human nature (biologically) to simply forget and forgive; if something bothers you,then that is not the option. Human life like animal life is about dominance and getting raked over the coals and then going Jesus on the guilty is submission,which is inherently harmful for a human,and relegates them to a bottom feeding existence of inferiority. I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing. I keep having dreams about it constantly. Sometimes it includes fighting,sometimes negotiation. These images probably have inspired or irritated me into training somewhat.

Sometimes I get mellow and feel like hugging the world in all its glory and filth alike, but unfortunately that feeling passes. Sometimes I feel like taking therapy but a slightly easier day comes,and I delay it.
I kind of juggle between two extremes in philosophy and emotion. I feel that I tend towards the soft and forgiving side,and this could not happen again but I find it hard to get over the damages that were inflicted when I was vulnerable.

Thanks for reading.

[/quote]

I was going to make my own thread about how life can just suck ass sometimes but this thread kind of does it for me. I think the big thing people need to understand is that life will always be surprising. Good and Bad. Yesterday I couldnt stop smiling and today I feel like shit. (Mentally) I thought I had a date to prom but now I don’t, I really dont even want to be in any kind of social environment, MY friends are calling me to chill out but I just want to be alone right now.

Tomorrow though I might feel like a pimp. Just keep on going is all I have to say. Think of the future. NOt the past, maybe not even the present, but the future. This might not make sense to some but if anyone has been where I am now you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.

Thanks for the replies.

I would be interested in hearing if others have similar experiences.

Never make excuses for the people who’ve wronged you.

Recognize what they did was wrong, they could have chosen to treat you differently, and that you have a right to feel angry towards them.

Making excuses (“bad childhood”, “nobody’s perfect” and other complete and utter bullshit) is just a way to avoid dealing with the emotional fallout of your life experiences.

I suggest you write a “letter” to each of the people you’re having strong emotions about in regards to the specific incidences, starting with the earliest. Don’t send any of them to the people in real life, but it’s important that you write to them as if they’re going to receive it.

[quote]Alffi wrote:
I was going to make this a huge rant about life in general but I might spare that for later.

Anyway,for some background,when I was hitting adolescence,I got strangely depressed for no apparent reason and really kind of shut myself off from a lot of the world,except for some friends. My school started going worse and I even ended up in psychiatric care because the school staff perceived I was a victim of incest or something like that. Recently when I’ve been studying my life,present and past,I’ve come to identify bullying,or shall I say lack of good company and the precense of bad,as a reason for a lot of my mental and emotional hardship.

Since I was like seven,I got involved with a person who was largely avoided by the rest of the class. This went on and off until I was about 18 (as of writing,I’m 24) and finally kind of said “no” although in a subtle,even submissive way. Over time there were some other friends who were abusive and through these I got into some sticky situations with strangers.

Anyway,I’m sure there are people,even on this forum maybe,who by certain criteria have had it twice or three times as bad in a technical sense but this is me.

Mostly the abuse involved subtle or less subtle belittlement,mockery,calling names,ridicule in front of spectators,slight property damage and theft,ungratefullness,deception,threats and physical abuse; punching,grappling,had a knife to my neck (presumably as a ‘joke’) etc.

What pisses me off is that given the following premises,it’s supposed to be OK:
-It was many years ago,so get over it
-‘boys’ games’
-you probably did something bad too (never mind if it was not close)
-“they/it/he/her…problematic childhood” blah,blah"

Sometimes I try to rationalize it by thinking that I’m simply inherently sensitive and sort of deluded in my feelings to take things as bad as they feel. Then again,I sincerely believe it’s contrary to human nature (biologically) to simply forget and forgive; if something bothers you,then that is not the option. Human life like animal life is about dominance and getting raked over the coals and then going Jesus on the guilty is submission,which is inherently harmful for a human,and relegates them to a bottom feeding existence of inferiority. I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing. I keep having dreams about it constantly. Sometimes it includes fighting,sometimes negotiation. These images probably have inspired or irritated me into training somewhat.

Sometimes I get mellow and feel like hugging the world in all its glory and filth alike, but unfortunately that feeling passes. Sometimes I feel like taking therapy but a slightly easier day comes,and I delay it.
I kind of juggle between two extremes in philosophy and emotion. I feel that I tend towards the soft and forgiving side,and this could not happen again but I find it hard to get over the damages that were inflicted when I was vulnerable.

Thanks for reading.

[/quote]

Yep, i had a topic like this before wondering if i was bipolar and someone said that it might be becuase of past events. The two extremes youre talking about is similar to what i was feeling. I had recurring effects from my past where i was constantly bullied, and even now it has a small effect but not as major. You might have a small feeling of self conciousness, which can be overcome with a few doses of hardcore confidence. I used to hang with losers too and became like them. Try to find people BETTER than you. At first you might feel like youre being dominated, but overtime you’ll become better than them. I might not know much about your situation but this has helped me. Good luck.

I found out that one of my bullies, the leader of a group that made 2 years of my life so hell i thought i was gonna kill myself, is in a new school where everyone thinks hes a loser and bully him daily. The other one is now fatter than me while he used to make fun of my weight, and the last one is still around 5’ in height and still one ugly motherfucker. The thing is, finding out that your better than the bullies is probably the biggest confidence boost you can get, and it will set your mind free becuase life fucked them over, not you. With facebook you’ll be able to find these bullies easily, and when you do enjoy as much as u can you stalker AHAH.

“Human life like animal life is about dominance and getting raked over the coals and then going Jesus on the guilty is submission,which is inherently harmful for a human,and relegates them to a bottom feeding existence of inferiority. I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing”

I didn’t quite understand this part but it sounds really poetic/

This is easier said than done but ALWAYS
remember:

Live for today as tomorrow doesn’t yet exist and yesterday has no way of being changed.

[quote]Stength4life wrote:
“Human life like animal life is about dominance and getting raked over the coals and then going Jesus on the guilty is submission,which is inherently harmful for a human,and relegates them to a bottom feeding existence of inferiority. I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing”

I didn’t quite understand this part but it sounds really poetic/[/quote]

Columbine? Virginia tech?

[quote]Gregus wrote:
Stength4life wrote:
“Human life like animal life is about dominance and getting raked over the coals and then going Jesus on the guilty is submission,which is inherently harmful for a human,and relegates them to a bottom feeding existence of inferiority. I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing”

I didn’t quite understand this part but it sounds really poetic/

Columbine? Virginia tech?
[/quote]

Oh is that what it’s from?

dork

[quote]Stength4life wrote:
Gregus wrote:
Stength4life wrote:
“Human life like animal life is about dominance and getting raked over the coals and then going Jesus on the guilty is submission,which is inherently harmful for a human,and relegates them to a bottom feeding existence of inferiority. I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing”

I didn’t quite understand this part but it sounds really poetic/

Columbine? Virginia tech?

Oh is that what it’s from?[/quote]

Well maybe it’s not from there but if i was to profile a burdened mind that might be reaching a breaking point without help, this statement would be the trigger.

“I feel like a part of my being is engaged in a preparation for a final confrontation which only one can leave standing”

Disclaimer: The following is my personal opinion and might come across as an insensitive ass but is based on my experience so if you don’t like it go to hell :stuck_out_tongue:

You have a choice here: Suck it up and carry on and do well in life or wallow in your misery. I say this as someone who has been dealt a big handful of suck in my early years at the hands of others and made the former choice after wasting time doing the latter.

Your mind is dynamic and responds to your thought patterns. If you wallow and feed your impulses to feel self-pity and misery, you will crave more misery and on and on. Excessive introspection is like poison when you have this way of thinking. You have to stop it. Accept that shit happens, people suck, some people have it better, many have it worse and take whatever handicaps you’ve been given as a challenge and a means to give yourself extra credit for succeeding DESPITE whatever shit you’ve had to deal with. In my view there is no other way. Even if you need medication to get yourself out of a depression, you still need to correct your thinking.

YMMV. This works for me.

I want to edit my post that hasn’t shown up yet because I think it might have been to harsh. But it wont appear so if it does, know that I mean well :slight_smile:

[quote]debraD wrote:
Disclaimer: The following is my personal opinion and might come across as an insensitive ass but is based on my experience so if you don’t like it go to hell :stuck_out_tongue:

You have a choice here: Suck it up and carry on and do well in life or wallow in your misery. I say this as someone who has been dealt a big handful of suck in my early years at the hands of others and made the former choice after wasting time doing the latter.

Your mind is dynamic and responds to your thought patterns. If you wallow and feed your impulses to feel self-pity and misery, you will crave more misery and on and on. Excessive introspection is like poison when you have this way of thinking. You have to stop it. Accept that shit happens, people suck, some people have it better, many have it worse and take whatever handicaps you’ve been given as a challenge and a means to give yourself extra credit for succeeding DESPITE whatever shit you’ve had to deal with. In my view there is no other way. Even if you need medication to get yourself out of a depression, you still need to correct your thinking.

YMMV. This works for me.
[/quote]

i refrained from posting something similar, but in a harsher tone.

you cant let something that happened years ago continue to effect you so much. it never leads to anything constructive. my parents, for example, would bring up things that happened between them 20 years ago when they were arguing, before they eventually split. i believe that they wouldnt have had half the problems they did if they would have just let that shit go.

if you really, really cant let this stuff go, please seek professional help, for your own sake.

[quote]hypnotoad wrote:
debraD wrote:
Disclaimer: The following is my personal opinion and might come across as an insensitive ass but is based on my experience so if you don’t like it go to hell :stuck_out_tongue:

You have a choice here: Suck it up and carry on and do well in life or wallow in your misery. I say this as someone who has been dealt a big handful of suck in my early years at the hands of others and made the former choice after wasting time doing the latter.

Your mind is dynamic and responds to your thought patterns. If you wallow and feed your impulses to feel self-pity and misery, you will crave more misery and on and on. Excessive introspection is like poison when you have this way of thinking. You have to stop it. Accept that shit happens, people suck, some people have it better, many have it worse and take whatever handicaps you’ve been given as a challenge and a means to give yourself extra credit for succeeding DESPITE whatever shit you’ve had to deal with. In my view there is no other way. Even if you need medication to get yourself out of a depression, you still need to correct your thinking.

YMMV. This works for me.

i refrained from posting something similar, but in a harsher tone.

you cant let something that happened years ago continue to effect you so much. it never leads to anything constructive. my parents, for example, would bring up things that happened between them 20 years ago when they were arguing, before they eventually split. i believe that they wouldnt have had half the problems they did if they would have just let that shit go.

if you really, really cant let this stuff go, please seek professional help, for your own sake.

[/quote]

Okay now I feel like less of a jerk for saying it then. :slight_smile:

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