T Nation

German Men, Stand Up for Yourselves...

Talk about deflated nut sacks…

German men told they can no longer stand and deliver
By Kate Connolly
(Filed: 18/08/2004)

German men are being shamed into urinating while sitting down by a gadget which is saving millions of women from cleaning up in the bathroom after them.

The WC ghost, a ?6 voice-alarm, reprimands men for standing at the lavatory pan. It is triggered when the seat is lifted. The battery-operated devices are attached to the seats and deliver stern warnings to those who attempt to stand and urinate (known as “Stehpinkeln”).

“Hey, stand-peeing is not allowed here and will be punished with fines, so if you don’t want any trouble, you’d best sit down,” one of the devices orders in a voice impersonating the German leader, Chancellor Gerhard Schroder. Another has a voice similar to that of his predecessor, Helmut Kohl.

The manufacturers of the WC ghost, Patentwert, say they are ready to direct their gadgets at the British market.

Their prototype English-speaking WC ghost says in an American drawl: “Don’t you go wetting this floor cowboy, you never know who’s behind you. So sit down, get your water pistol in the bowl where it belongs. Ha, ha, ha.”

They also plan to copy the voices of Tony Blair and the Queen.

So far 1.8 million WC ghosts have been sold in German supermarkets.

But Klaus Schwerma, author of Standing Urinators: The Last Bastion of Masculinity? doubts whether it will ever be possible to convert all men.

“Many insist on standing, even though it leads to much marital strife,” he said.

In German, the phrase for someone who sits and urinates, a “Sitzpinkler”, is equivalent to “wimp”.

Previous story: New to science, island bird that never flies nest
Next story: News in brief

Let the emasculation of Europe commence…

Why are men so attached to standing up when they pee?

I mean, I just don’t get it. Who cares if you stand up when you pee or not? The vast majority of the time, you’re ALONE. Nobody is looking. Why not have a seat and relax?

Especially if you’ve woken up and are still half asleep. Or if you’ve just had a lot of sex, which tends to glue your urethra together and turn the equipment into an anarchic simulation of a spastic water sprinkler.

[quote]CDarklock wrote:
Why are men so attached to standing up when they pee?

I mean, I just don’t get it. Who cares if you stand up when you pee or not? The vast majority of the time, you’re ALONE. Nobody is looking. Why not have a seat and relax?

Especially if you’ve woken up and are still half asleep. Or if you’ve just had a lot of sex, which tends to glue your urethra together and turn the equipment into an anarchic simulation of a spastic water sprinkler. [/quote]

I don’t know the answer to this, but it is related to the attachment I have for wearing pants vs. wearing dresses, or the attachment I have to not carrying a purse.

[quote]CDarklock wrote:
Why are men so attached to standing up when they pee?
[/quote]

why are women so attached to breaking our balls?

i hope we all realize that when women successfully castrate us they will lose respect for us.

[quote]wufwugy wrote:
why are women so attached to breaking our balls?[/quote]

If you break your balls sitting on the toilet, I don’t think you can blame the person who told you to sit down.

There are at least a half dozen reasons why it’s “better” to sit down, ranging from questions of accuracy to the likelihood that you will put the seat down. So why fight against all of these perfectly sensible reasons? Is there even ONE rational, objective reason why we need to stand up?

It sounds to me like the only reason we’re standing up is so nobody will confuse us with women… and I didn’t think that was likely to be a problem for most people here.

The English version will be hillary clinton!

Hehehe this cracks me up! My new favorite insult is now “sitzpinkler”!

Oh, and CDarklock, I have to disagree with ya, bro. We gotta stand to pee! You can’t mark your territory when you’re sittin’ down, man, you just can’t. What about morning wood? You can’t sit down then, can ya? Hell, I have to do some contortionist shit just to keep from watering the drapes when that happens. So, don’t make me call you a sitzpinkler, tough guy. Lift your leg with pride, dawg. We are men!

that’s funny…I will now stand up for my German brothers and happily piss on every toilet seat in a unisex bathroom- mainly when I visit other people’s homes! rofl…just joking

10-4 lothario. i just skimmed the article and then fwded the url to a few of my sitzpinkler friends. FOK JA HANS!

Bastard F*ck Guy

I’m German, and the article is correct - I have encountered the WCghost several times already. The solution - use the wash basin. Even German engineering can be outwitted with a little creativity…

BTW, a couple of years ago there was a mock contest about inventing new cusswords on a German radio program, and “Sitzpinkler” was coined there.

Other contest entries included:

  • Warmduscher (s. o. who always takes a shower using warm water)
  • Frauenversteher (a man who is able to understand women)
  • Schattenparker (so. who always parks his car in the shadows so it doesn’t get too hot)

CDarklock,

I absolutely agree with you:
It demonstrates the sorry state of the general male population if it defines itself by “Stehpissen” (the opposite of “Sitzpinkeln” - ah, German, thy poetic beauty…). :slight_smile:

Makkun

I stand up, and that’s not going to change, and I really had no idea it was such an issue with some sensitive sorts until I read this article. I’m clean, and have had no complaints. If a toilet ever spoke to me, though, it’d probably scare the shit out of me (not literally), and I’d make a mess.

Here’s why I stand up and will probably never change my mind:

-It’s faster. A urinal involves three motions: pull it out, let 'er rip, put it away. Sitting down involves pulling down my pants, sitting, waiting, looking for something to read, speculating about that funny odour, hoping my legs don’t fall asleep, and then finally pulling back up.

-It’s more satisfying. I’m not sure if anyone else feels this way, but it just isn’t a good piss if I’m sitting down. It doesn’t feel the same. It doesn’t feel complete.

-It’s fun. I’m pretty sure I’m just weird, but it’s kind of fun to take aim at the urinal puck, or to spell my name in the snow, or whatever. When I was a kid, I used to make bad music with the sound of pissing at various parts of the toilet bowl. I swear I don’t do this now.

And seriously? Why should anyone give a fuck about what I do in my bathroom? There’s no way for them to know, and I’m seriously concerned about the people who care. I mean, there are still people out there who smoke, or who rob for money, or who get elected and then don’t represent their constituents. I can think of about a million things more offensive than standing up to piss.

I think this is the longest thing I’ve ever written about urination.

Something to think about…

If certain male animals are castrated at a young enough age they will adopt a female’s posture during urination. The concentration of testosterone in the brain can influence this behaviour. So really it’s based on the way our brain is organized when we’re infants. Why fight biology, unless you didn’t get enough of a shot of testosterone during early development, then I can understand.

Be proud to be a man.

Oh cmon,

don’t you guys got something else to go off on?

Like someone’s anonymous steroid cycle?

Geeh, I stand up every time and I swear I’ll piss right on the damn ghost lol)if it happens to be in any bathroom I choose to throw my fishing rod in.

So get it straight I am German and I will stand up for every male in the world.

[quote]lothario1132 wrote:
What about morning wood? You can’t sit down then, can ya?[/quote]

But that’s the best reason to sit down. The erect penis stands out at about a 20 degree angle from the torso. If you sit down and lean forward, you only need to get it to about a 60 degree angle. (Lean forward far enough, and you can leave it right where it is.) Stand up, and you need to take it somewhere beyond 90 degrees – in the average bathroom, to at least 130. Of course, maybe you’re into CBT, in which case… hey, go for it.

As far as how Magus portrayed things, I agree that there are special situations when standing up is preferable to sitting down. There are lots of places I would rather stand than sit, e.g. outside, but public bathrooms are not among them.

Using the urinals in public bathrooms inevitably means I have my back turned on everything else in the room. I can’t keep an eye on the door, I can’t size up the people coming in, and when someone walks away from a urinal but doesn’t go out the door – I have no idea what he’s doing. There are a lot of fucked up people who go into public bathrooms for reasons that have nothing to do with using the bathroom, and I really don’t want to turn my back on them.

That is probably the most German invention in about 60 years.

CDarklock, I disagree with your proof using “Morning Wood”. As proven in the following equation get a “Crimped Apparatus” and you could put an eye out. I only sit down to pee on “leg day” and at night I just go until I hear water.

Me Solomon Grundy

“Torque” - the distance your heels come off the ground in the morning when you take a piss…

I do know some our engineer T-Brothers should be able to come up with a formula for this…

CDarklock, I truly commend your ability to not account for social pressures in your opinion on standing urination. Doing something just to upset women for the sake of upsetting women is really ignorant. Standing and urinating doesn’t prove you are a man at all, it isn’t even difficult to do.