T Nation

Gay Marriage Jokes


#1

Since we have had the Gay marriage agenda rammed down our throats lately, lets have some fun with it.... Here are some gay marriage jokes:

"The California Supreme Court ruled that it is legal for homosexuals to get married in California. ... As a result, thousands of wedding planners will finally get to plan their own wedding." --Conan O'Brien

"The California Supreme Court overturned the state's ban on gay marriage. Man, you thought it was bad for single women before. All the good ones are either gay or married. Now they're gay and married. ... In fact, in West Hollywood, man, guys are so happy, they were overturning each other." --Jay Leno
--My favorite!--

"Congratulations gay people -- you are about to discover the joys of alimony." --Craig Ferguson, on a California judge's ruling legalizing gay marriage

"President Bush said today he's troubled by all the gay marriages... He said the only time two men should ever be in bed together is if one is a lobbyist and one is a politician." ?Jay Leno

So anybody got some more?


#2

Dear Dr. Laura:

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding
God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that
knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22
clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some
other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.

  1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both
    male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A
    friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can
    you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

  2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
    sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do
    you think would be a fair price for her?

  3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while
    she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem
    is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

  4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know
    it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The
    problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should
    I smite them?

  5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath.Exodus 35:2.
    clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him
    myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

  6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
    shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than
    homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of
    abomination?

  7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of
    God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I
    wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some
    wiggle- room here?

  8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
    including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly
    forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

  9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a
    dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

  10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting
    two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments
    made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends
    to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the
    trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
    Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do
    with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus
enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am
confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us
that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your adoring fan,

Laughparty.com


#3

I hope 4life is really not from Texas.


#4

If he is I wander how he survived for so long.


#5

So how does it feel knowing that every second of your life you have to defend your mental defect... I mean life style?


#6

I just skimmed the titles of two pages of threads. It looked like three of them pertained to gay marriage. One of them was this one.

Have you always been such a cry baby?

Edit: Oops forgot to add my gay marriage joke:

"The Bush administration renewed its call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. So I guess they feel the only time that guys should be on top of each other naked is in an Iraqi prison." ?Jay Leno

haha


#7

I can't speak for forlife and not being gay myself I can't really imagine what it would be like to deal with the stigma attached to me by knuckle dragging, backwards, neanderthal, morons like yourself but I would like to think that I wouldn't give a flying fuck.

"President Bush said he was 'troubled' by gay people getting married in San Francisco. He said on important issues like this the people should make the decision, not judges. Unless of course we're choosing a president, then he prefers judges." ?Jay Leno


#8

GCF I would be willing anytime to debate why I think its a mental defect, all you have to do is ask.


#9

"Who did the Polish gay guy marry? A woman." -unknown


#10

I have zero interest in your theory as to why homosexuality is a mental defect or not. Even if you were right (you aren't) I still wouldn't care. What difference would it make?

However assuming you are right, why then would gay people have to justify themselves? Do you demand autistic people justify their weird behaviour, do you demand tourettes sufferers justify their outbursts? Also, who are these people meant to be justifying themselves to? You?


#11

You sure do know how to misread what I have said. You may not pay much attention to this board but he feels the need to constantly justify himself, and I am right. I don't think he needs to justify himself but he sure as hell does.

Anymore dumbass comments or will that be all from you.


#12

OK I get it. I did interpret your post differently to how you intended. I see that now. An understandable error. I never read the gay threads, I don't know who forlife is, because I have absolutely no interest in the debate. Seems to me it's always religious nutjobs on one side and gays on the other involved in a debate they can't win... the other wackos have God on their side! I clicked on this one so I could read some jokes... I will point out you have added none except that weird quip about mental defects which was obviousl a joke but went over my head.

In response to your original question though it probably doesn't feel much different to Christians who feel the need to defend the sanctity of marriage or unborn children, or Arabs defending murderous regimes, or Israelis defending a murederous Governement, or a bodybuilder defending his right to eat well and workout hard without being labelled an obsessive or... well you get my point...

lots of people have points of views they like to make/defend. They don't 'have to' they choose to, most enjoy it really.


#13

He makes it the center of his universe, and infact come on here not to talk about training, debate whats going on in the world just to talk about how we are a bunch of biggots for not recognizing him and his gay lifestyle. Now I was not joking about saying its a mental defect thats is what I believe and if others choose not to thats fine by me.

Now for my joke hopefully it hasnt been posted yet.

"Although he supports a constitutional ban of gay marriage, President Bush says he supports a civil union. It has all the legal rights of a married couple but it's more like an arrangement than a real marriage. Hey, it worked for the Clintons." ?Jay Leno


#14

Hmmm...offensive...abrasive...and absolutely politically incorrect...

I love it!


#15

You know what they say comes from Texas!


#16

Actually, this would be #5....Who are you again?


#17

I was actually beginning to think, "WTF...if they want to get married so fucking badly, let 'em. Marriage is sacred to me but I don't want to judge others and what they do."

Then you wrote that garbage.

Go back behind the dumpsters and in the abandoned buildings.


#18

Other than my mission in Australia, I've only lived in two of the biggest redneck states in the country: Utah and Texas. God has a sense of humor.


#19

That pretty much covers it, lol.


#20

Even if you are a trained psychologist, I doubt your opinion is worth more than the collective consensus of every major medical and mental health organization.

All the same, you're still entitled to it.