T Nation

GarageRocker Gets Weird

Updated plan for this week and foreseeable future:

TM test for all 4 lifts this week, S/B Monday and D/P Thursday. Run Tuesday and maybe Wednesday. I have a doctor’s appointment Thursday and want to make sure my BP is good.

Monday of next week will either be Widowmaker Circuits or Limited Time. Need to buckle down and try to build my scrotal muscles while leaning out before I add some mass this winter.

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7/11/2021 - Reload

2 warmup sets then a light set of 5, top set shown

Squat - 225 x 5
Bench - 185 x 5
Deadlift - 315 x 5
Press - 135 x 5

Chin ups - 5 x 5
Hanging leg lifts - 3 x 10

I feel like I’ve had my ass kicked 5 times. Back, calves, knees, wrists, elbows, and abs hurt like hell. I think the time off, coupled with a shit ton of car time and airplane time are banging me. The squat felt terrible, the other lifts were OK. I’d imagine I’ll feel better tomorrow after adequate protein and some creatine and stretching.

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7/12/2021 - TM Test 1

Squat - 365 x 5 - may use 365, may use 385 (current TM of 410, divided by 0.9, multiplied by 0.8)

More than likely, will go with 365 because my squat has felt fucking terrible for some time now and I need to build some confidence.

Bench - 250 x 5

Squat felt rough but I got it done. Bench was good. Looking forward to pushing some reps and telling my “no” voice to shut up.

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Hey garage have you ever ran deepwater?

Nope, given my anxiety problems and my spinal deformity it’s likely an awful idea for me. High volume and low carbs spike anxiety, and then you add in the extra stress on my lumbar from high volume squats and deads and I’m wrecked in a week or less.

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What’s it like having anxiety garage? If you don’t mind me asking.

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No problem at all dude, if anything talking about it helps.

Disclaimer: it’s different for every single person. Mine takes 2 different forms for the most part and it just depends on the day.

The worst for me is an impending sense of doom and a feeling that I’m about to fail or forget something that will irreparably damage my life as I know it. There’s no logic I can use to quickly get through it either, it takes a lot of work and concrete methods (writing, recording thoughts and plans and contingencies) to get it to settle down. This one can come back immediately after I get it to subside and is underlying in my mind probably 75% of my time. As soon as I get behind my mental schedule on anything, it becomes constant until well after I catch up.

The second is that my thoughts just run away. Like running through vivid scenes and memories in my head with no control over what I see/think and/or how long each scene or thought occurs. At its worst the thoughts change by the second. This is usually the easier kind to fix and I can power through by just finding something that occupies enough of my mental capacity to force me to focus. It usually happens at night and will absolutely keep me up for 3-4 days at a time if I don’t recognize it and correct it.

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Thanks for sharing garage. That sounds awful but I’m happy you have ways to treat it. I won’t ask anymore questions about it cause it’ll probably be very personal. It’s just the fact you mentioned vivid scenes and memories makes me think you went through traumatic experiences.

Actually, not too bad. Truth be told my life has been easy. My mother died when I was 15, but other than that I haven’t really had much hardship. The scenes that play in my mind are because I have an eidetic memory, where I can recall every single detail of segments of my life, sometimes up to 5-10 minutes straight. Cool when I need to recall something, but pain in the ass when I can’t control it. Some of the scenes that play are when I have done things I’m not proud of or been awkward in a situation, and that’s what causes extra anxiety for me. When the scenes are harmless (or even good memories), it’s at worst an inconvenience.

I appreciate that you’re willing to ask and understand - there’s a lot of people that just respond with “What the hell do you have to be anxious about? Your life is fine, suck it up.” Luckily for me my anxiety has improved with age. It was crippling growing up, but I can manage now. No meds luckily, though I probably should have been on them as a teenager. Biggest help has been Mrs. GarageRocker. Just having someone that understands what’s in my head and is in my corner 100% of the time makes a world of difference. Second to her is lifting and music. My anxiety was awful while we were in Iceland because I didn’t have those two outlets for nervous energy.

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Sometimes I recall bad memories garage. They are all negative memories of my childhood - high school. Yk the fun stuff: isolation, covert and overt racism, being ignored, being a living minstrel show because I was desperate for friends. Definitely not as severe as your anxiety but it does put me in a bad mood. That kinda stuff destroyed my self esteem and lifting weights is actually helping me build it up. That’s enough about me though. I’m willing to hear you out and listen to anything bro. I have a close friend who listens to my venting. Everyone needs to vent sometimes yk.

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Yep I hear ya man. I know there’s a lot of people that have it worse than me so I happily suck it up and work through my anxiety to the best of my ability. The minstrel show thing sticks out to me because I was the same way growing up. Still love making people laugh and entertaining, but am a little less willing to demean myself to do so. I’d imagine that building your confidence through lifting and life will make a big difference in that for you as well.

7/13/2021 - Sandbag Day

Set timer for 20 minutes

Bear Hug Carries - 150 lbs - 4 x 150’

Add 50 lbs to sandbag

“Stone” Loads to truck tailgate - 200 lbs - 20

Remaining time on timer: 90 seconds

This kicked my ass but felt amazing. Really dug in and pushed myself hard. Low back is completely fried but will hit protein hard today to recover. I may try to use sandbag work as one of my circuit options for Limited Time because I enjoy it and feel like I need it.

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7/15/2021 - TM Test Day 2

Deadlift - yikes. Fell backwards on my first rep with 405. Gonna use that as TM. May try conventional for a cycle or two

Press - 145 x 5

Chin ups AMRAP - 12

I can tell my nervous system isn’t caught up yet, so not gonna fret too hard over my pedestrian test results today. Lower TM’s are a good chance for higher rep work, especially widowmakers.

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Sheet for Limited Time

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7/19/2021 - Limited Time L1 D1

Haven’t had much of an appetite since being home from Iceland, so turned to junk food over the weekend to try to at least get some energy. It did its job but my guts are queasy. Had drinks Saturday knowing it was my last hurrah for awhile (trying to really commit to this cycle).

Agile 8

Box Jumps x 10

Squat - 315 x 11; 240 x 20

Bench - 215 x 11; 165 x 14

Kroc rows - 105 lbs - 35 reps/arm

I felt and feel like fucking death, but pushed through and got some work done. Gonna do my usual protein shake and pop tart post workout, then have pork, pineapple, and potatoes for lunch. Really shooting for 200g protein from meat and dairy alone, plus a double-scoop shake everyday this whole cycle.

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7/20/2021 - Assistance Circuit

Agile 8

10 plyo push-ups

Circuit
Dips - 5 x 15
TRX Rows - 20, 20, 20, 15, 15
Ab wheel - 20, 20, 20, 15, 15

Fuck me was this tough. Got it done in about 23 minutes. Got a big ol’ pump goin’ on.

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7/22/2021 - Limited Time L1 W1 D2

Agile 8
Jumps

Deadlift
345 x 12
265 x 17

Press
125 x 10
95 x 13

Kroc Rows - 105 lbs - 41 reps/arm

Absolutely flew through this workout, got it done in 55 minutes counting warmup. Deads were good, ass cramped on rep 16 and I pushed one more before cutting it. Press was tough, last rep was grindy as hell but felt good to push. Kroc rows are something I have a love/hate relationship with. Hate them while doing them and for the next 10 minutes after, but love them otherwise.

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Gonna be adding a 3rd animal protein meal each day, I think I’ve been short and my recovery is dogshit through this first week. Soreness is off the charts.

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7/23/2021 - Bodyweight assistance

Agile 8

2 x 5 plyo pushups

Circuit - 5 times through
Push ups - 5 x 20
Chin/Pull ups - full reps (negatives) - 10, 10, 7 (3), 7 (3), 5 (5)
DB swings - 85 lbs - 5 x 20

This was a ball buster. Seriously. Full body pump and already sore. Headache from exertion too. Probably gonna go for a run before I eat.

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2.2 mile run in 17:59. Not bad for 14 hours fasted and after the assistance circuit I did.

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