hehehehe, a funny bulking thing I read that might help you…
Cuz’ I’m bulkin’!
I love to “bulk”, because it’s the best way,
To pack on the pounds, and justify eatin’ all day,
To put on much mass, and polish away all the grub,
And eat by the bucket-full – and just eat by the tub!
I’ll have me my pasta, and French-fries and shakes,
Made with real whole milk, plus some cookies Drakes,
Then I’ll eat up some burgers, and maybe some bars,
Like Snickers and Milk-Way, and my favorite - Mars!
I love to snack and gorge, and put away all the food,
Cuz’ each meal has the calories, so you know it’s all good,
And when I’m done here, whether the time’s nine or ten,
I’ll simply keep dreaming of eating again!
I started my bulking, around the start of September,
It’s been three months now, and I’m already feeling much better,
With each and every passing lunch and buffet,
I’m eating remorselessly, all night and all day!
I’m seeing the scale weight reach new all time highs,
I’m seeing the new mass, though mostly in my ass and my thighs,
I’m also getting stronger, on each and every lift,
Cuz’ I’m in a perpetual all-you-can-eat shift!
I see my chest getting bigger, with each passing day,
As I watch my abs, vanish further and further away,
I also watched my waistline grow, by leaps and by bounds,
In every direction, forming large clumps and mounds!
What is most important, is that I’m making a new me,
With every Double Whopper, and bucket of KFC,
And with my dessert, both with pies and cake,
I’ll soon be so huge, and the earth beneath me shall quake!
I’ve followed the right program, used by most the pros,
In order to build mass, from my head to my toes,
I’m eating the fried foods, and the ham and salami,
So that I can grow huge, just like King Kamali!
I read how Lee Priest, eats pizza and candy,
To get those huge arms, that are so giant and veiny,
So I watched my arms grow, much larger and round,
But they look much less defined, and more like a mound!
I feel very sorry, for all those skinny-lean losers,
Who just eat so clean, yet are so afraid of accusers,
Who say they don’t look like that they even train,
Cuz’ they eat their egg whites completely in vain!
I’m not some pretty boy loser, so I eat real hardcore,
And even though I look smoother, I’m now weighing much more,
I’m trying to become bigger, and that means just one thing,
It’s time for my steak bomb and French-fried onion rings!
They think that they look good, because they got the abs,
But I got the mass, even if most is just flab,
They say that I could be doing myself some harm,
But I think they’re just jealous – of my big swollen forearms!
My shirt is double-extra large, their arms look like tubes,
And even though I don’t have pecs, at least I got two boobs,
I avoid chicken breasts, to me that’s a physique wrecker,
So I fry my food, and as a result I can’t see my own pecker!
But now it’s around April, and I’m feelin’ real large,
The time has arrived, to step forward and take charge,
So I’m still with the bulkin’, and for a very good reason,
So I can look huuugggeee, come the warmer beach season!
On the first real warm day, and as result of my bulkin’ rate,
I put on my tank top, cuz’ I think I look great,
And I went out for walk, because the weather looked blessed,
But just five minutes later, I feel like I’m going to have cardiac arrest!
I can’t take one step further, without breaking a sweat,
I can’t climb the up the steps, cuz’ I’m feeling exhausted and wet,
And now that I’m slouching, because I’m just so dang “big”,
I notice my stomach is gigantic, and I resemble a pig!
I just look like crap, and realize that I’m fat and obese,
From all of my bulking, from all of the burgers and grease,
And as I walk by a mirror, I notice for the very first time,
That I got three chins, and what I’ve done to my body is a crime!
I started my program, looking small, weak and flabby,
But now I look worse, just plain fat and unhealthy,
From all of the food, that I thought wood help me look swole,
But now that I see me – was fat gain my goal?!
I only thought about bulking, no matter what,
And I guess I succeeded – in building a gut,
And now that I’ve finished, I must say I confess,
I look just like shit, cuz’ my body is a mess!
I took their advice, during this past holiday season,
And ate extra calories, for no obvious reason,
And because I thought “bulking”, I say only one thing,
I can’t take my shirt off, come Summer or Spring!
I’m now a fatty, who prides himself in how much he could eat,
And use psychological rationalization, to indulge in my treats,
There’s only one thing left, now that my body looks sour,
I’ll just become a powerlifter – cuz’ I got zero dietary willpower!