Future In-Laws

[quote]sen say wrote:
I been happily married 15 years. My in laws are pretty good. My father in law passed away earlier this year. He was a great man. Helped me become a man almost as much as my dad.

Now my mother in law is all alone. She’s a pain in the ass, but she’s my wife’s mother. She wants me to do something…I do it. Life is too fucking short to spend your time fighting with your family.

You can end up being the one ‘laying down the law’ to them and not give an inch. You usually end up all alone being this way.

Instead you could choose to be the one that says, ‘fucking a right we’re gonna be there to spend the holidays with you ! I can’t fucking wait !!’ Make your fiance happy, make her parents happy.

Who do you want to be, the guy that’s always drawing the line in the sand, or the one that makes everyone happy.

Also…on the dog issue…find a fucking kennel near your house. Get the dog used to going to the kennel. My goddam sister has to drag her pain in the ass dog over to my mother’s house every time she visits. She only lives fucking 20 minutes away, but can’t leave the fucker home alone for 2-3 days. I’m fucking allergic to dogs. Some people really don’t like dogs. I know the bias on this site is to love dogs and I got nothing against them…I just don’t want to spend anytime with one.

One last bit of preaching before I get off my soapbox…I skipped my dad’s mother’s funeral because I made good money on the weekends. At the time I felt justified and righteous and my old man was cool enough to let it slide. To this day I wish I could find a way to apologize to him, but even thinking about it now gets me all teary eyed. My great aunt is getting ready to kick so I’ll probably break down and tell him how sorry I’ve been these past 10 years at her funeral.

My point is…you’re never going to have enough money…you will have enough time to let family know how much you love them…make sure you’re thinking things through way to the end before you put money over family.
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Pretty sure that no one is going to disagree with the scenarios you laid out. What if MIL expects your wife and you to come to a newphew’s 5th birthday party - which is on a Tuesday night at 6:30? Oh, I forgot, they live over three hours away. You want me to get excited and yell Fucking-A right we will be there? Not bloody likely. What makes it better is the guilt that follows when the MIL tells your wife that she is disappointed in her.

The fact of the matter is that some people are unreasonable in their requests and the expectations that they place on people. Should those unreasonable requests be rejected? Fucking-A right they should.

I missed the engagement thread. Congratulations.

[quote]VanderLaan wrote:
The fact of the matter is that some people are unreasonable in their requests and the expectations that they place on people. Should those unreasonable requests be rejected? Fucking-A right they should.
[/quote]

This is correct.

Some things are important (like spending Christmas with family). Some things are not, like working an extra hour on a weekend to make a few bucks.

And Say is right, find a fucking kennel.

Yeah JF, Something about in-laws. You either love them or hate them, seems like there is no in between. I don’t have any problems with the wifes parents, for me its here damn middle sister… She is a pushy, outspoken bipolar mess. However, I Like said, it is the sister so I throw her ass for crazy… Good luck buddy.

[quote]NeelyDan wrote:
I missed the engagement thread. Congratulations.[/quote]

I missed where jfit was going to go through with it even though she wants kids and he doesn’t and we all told him not to shack up with her due to that issue alone…

This is the sound of a ticking time bomb…

Tick, tick, tick…

[quote]sen say wrote:
NeelyDan wrote:
I missed the engagement thread. Congratulations.

I missed where jfit was going to go through with it even though she wants kids and he doesn’t and we all told him not to shack up with her due to that issue alone…

This is the sound of a ticking time bomb…

Tick, tick, tick…[/quote]

we closed that issue, all is well.

[quote]sen say wrote:
I been happily married 15 years. My in laws are pretty good. My father in law passed away earlier this year. He was a great man. Helped me become a man almost as much as my dad.

Now my mother in law is all alone. She’s a pain in the ass, but she’s my wife’s mother. She wants me to do something…I do it. Life is too fucking short to spend your time fighting with your family.

You can end up being the one ‘laying down the law’ to them and not give an inch. You usually end up all alone being this way.

Instead you could choose to be the one that says, ‘fucking a right we’re gonna be there to spend the holidays with you ! I can’t fucking wait !!’ Make your fiance happy, make her parents happy.

Who do you want to be, the guy that’s always drawing the line in the sand, or the one that makes everyone happy.

[/quote]

I appreciate most of what you’ve written here. It’s definitely good to help out your in-laws when they need help and to try to be accommodating. I don’t think boundaries and accommodation need be mutually exclusive. I think they both have their place.

My perspective is pretty similar to the OPs: my wife drives a lot for work and my parents were demanding too many weekends for frivolous family gatherings on Sundays, when we have church (we already drive 45 minutes 1 way to get there). I had to step in and set boundaries with my parents so that my wife was able to have restful Sundays.

The key is to try to figure out how accommodating you have to be and how accommodating your in-laws/parents are being. Some in-laws seem to take pleasure in making you drive all over creation when the freeways work both ways. Some are just deliberately inflexible. Such need boundaries.

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
sen say wrote:
NeelyDan wrote:
I missed the engagement thread. Congratulations.

I missed where jfit was going to go through with it even though she wants kids and he doesn’t and we all told him not to shack up with her due to that issue alone…

This is the sound of a ticking time bomb…

Tick, tick, tick…

we closed that issue, all is well.
[/quote]

Saints be praised ! Now how bout some sexy pics of the future Mrs.Fitness !?!?

[quote]jehovasfitness wrote:
Yeah. I told her to invite them here.

One, her step dad is afraid of bridges, and the Bay bridge is several miles long.[/quote]

For Christ sakes are you kidding me?!?!?! My mother-in-law is the same way, tell his ass to take a different way then. If they don’t want to stay with you have them check out hotels.com and look for a damn motel 6 by your place…

I have issues with my in-laws, my wife’s parents are divorced and they are both off… I simply don’t deal with it, I tell my wife exactly how I feel about it. Her Dad is OK, but her Mom is a complete and total wack job and I have absolutally no tolorance for her.

Her and I have had it out many times… It isn’t bad cause she lives 4 hours away and only visits a few times a year and because she needs to smoke constantly she never stays with us, so it isn’t bad. I’m sure my trouble is going to start in a few months when she is planning on moving back into the area…

My advice to you, is let your future in-laws and your future wife know exactly where you stand and how you feel about it… When you are married, your wife becomes “your” family and that needs to be held with the utmost importance, this outside stuff can really interfere, so don’t let it…

Good luck!!!

Sen say has is almost totally right. You really do need to give others what they want in order to get what you want. Plus, acrimony will take years off of your life.

That said, you need to let people know that you’ll negotiate, but not be steam rolled.

Except that where my dog is not welcome, I am not welcome.

Say, “I’m in if I can bring the dog.”

If they say no on the dog, then THEY are the ones being unreasonable.

They don’t like the dog? Well, fuck them. You don’t like driving 3 hours to spend time with people you don’t care all that much about, losing income in the process.

So they can give and get, too.

lol. thing is, my dog is the most well behaved dog there is. Not trying to sound weird, but it’s true. She listens to any command (by me) and will just lay around given the oppurtunity.

Her step dad is also afraid of dogs (which is gay IMO, but I can see not wanting to be around a 140 lb great dane, but she’s a gentle giant, so yeah he’s gay)

Praying couldn’t hurt.

He’s afraid of bridges and dogs? Wowzers and LOL.

My thinking on in-laws… Let’s face reality: Would you EVER want anything to do with those people if they weren’t your girl’s parents? Of course not. No offense to them, but they matter to you only by proxy.

So they shouldn’t make it fucking difficult on you. If they do, fuck 'em.

YOU are doing THEM a favor by showing up. Maybe that sounds arrogant. So what. It’s true.

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
jehovasfitness wrote:Her step dad is also afraid of dogs

He’s afraid of bridges and dogs? Wowzers and LOL.

My thinking on in-laws… Let’s face reality: Would you EVER want anything to do with those people if they weren’t your girl’s parents? .[/quote]

one of my ex’s her Dad was real cool and into watching football.
another ex her mom was great to me.

I’ve had 3 major relationships and the parents of the current are my least favorite. Nothing major, but in comparison I got along/clicked better with the other ones. Granted, I spent more time with them as well.

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Say, “I’m in if I can bring the dog.”

If they say no on the dog, then THEY are the ones being unreasonable.

[/quote]

How is it unreasonable to not want an animal in your house?

Forcing a dog on someone is like saying, "I’m in if I can bring my friend Mikey who has the IQ of a 6 year old. He may or may not piss and/or shit on your carpet, but he will make your house smell differently than what it currently does. Mikey’s great, he doesn’t chew on furniture like some other guys do…well…at least he hasn’t in the time I’ve known him…come to think of it Mikey is driven by instinct and the only thing keeping him in check is his fear…so who knows, Mikey just may decide to hump your leg, eat you couch and piss in a few spots to mark his territory…but if he’s not welcome…fuck you asshat.

Oh yeah…there is a possibility Mikey might wander off into a corner and vomit. He won’t tell us, because he can’t communicate, but that’s okay because he’ll most likely eat it before he licks me on my face because that’s what I like…he won’t lick you on your face because I’ve taught him not to…but then again, taking him into a strange place…ya never know what Mikey’s going to do…and that vomit? Don’t worry, if you don’t step in it when it’s wet and track it over your carpet, it’ll dry up nice and hard and crunchy and you’ll be able to peel it right up and toss it into the trashcan."

I’m not afraid of dogs or bridges. I do understand how people can be afraid of both.

I am curious why dog owners think other people welcome their dogs walking up to them and sniffing them and letting them put their noses, mouths on them. I’m out walking in my neighborhood and some idiot has to always give his dog enough leash to walk up to me and sniff me. This is always followed with a ‘he won’t hurt you, he’s just being friendly’…the next time this happens, I swear to god I’m replying, ‘Get your goddam dog away from me. Why the fuck would I want to get friendly with your dog asshat?’

Stay tuned, I will report back on this. I may even leave work right now to go wander the streets of my neighborhood looking for my first victim.

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
jehovasfitness wrote:Her step dad is also afraid of dogs

He’s afraid of bridges and dogs? Wowzers and LOL.

My thinking on in-laws… Let’s face reality: Would you EVER want anything to do with those people if they weren’t your girl’s parents? Of course not. No offense to them, but they matter to you only by proxy.

So they shouldn’t make it fucking difficult on you. If they do, fuck 'em.

YOU are doing THEM a favor by showing up. Maybe that sounds arrogant. So what. It’s true.[/quote]

No, you are doing a favor to you wife or girlfriend by showing up. You only matter to them by proxy. They want to see their daughter, and tolerate you.

And Jfit…whattup with wasting all this time on this? You need to be devoting your time to planning our Test Fest !

Just tell your girl to give you a highway blowjob on the way to and back from the in-laws and you won’t cause any trouble…problemos solved mi amigo…bonus if she goes down over the Bay Bridge !

I think showing up would be a nice gesture to your fiance…but I also think being told WHEN you’ll be there is wrong…the fiance needs to lay down some boundaries with her parents, but at the same time you need to let that 1 hour go for a mere weekend to get the relationship with your fiance moving down the right path…after all they are her parents.

Just my $.02

[quote]sen say wrote:
CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Say, “I’m in if I can bring the dog.”

If they say no on the dog, then THEY are the ones being unreasonable.

How is it unreasonable to not want an animal in your house?

Forcing a dog on someone is like saying, "I’m in if I can bring my friend Mikey who has the IQ of a 6 year old. He may or may not piss and/or shit on your carpet, but he will make your house smell differently than what it currently does. Mikey’s great, he doesn’t chew on furniture like some other guys do…well…at least he hasn’t in the time I’ve known him…come to think of it Mikey is driven by instinct and the only thing keeping him in check is his fear…so who knows, Mikey just may decide to hump your leg, eat you couch and piss in a few spots to mark his territory…but if he’s not welcome…fuck you asshat.

Oh yeah…there is a possibility Mikey might wander off into a corner and vomit. He won’t tell us, because he can’t communicate, but that’s okay because he’ll most likely eat it before he licks me on my face because that’s what I like…he won’t lick you on your face because I’ve taught him not to…but then again, taking him into a strange place…ya never know what Mikey’s going to do…and that vomit? Don’t worry, if you don’t step in it when it’s wet and track it over your carpet, it’ll dry up nice and hard and crunchy and you’ll be able to peel it right up and toss it into the trashcan."

I’m not afraid of dogs or bridges. I do understand how people can be afraid of both.

I am curious why dog owners think other people welcome their dogs walking up to them and sniffing them and letting them put their noses, mouths on them. I’m out walking in my neighborhood and some idiot has to always give his dog enough leash to walk up to me and sniff me. This is always followed with a ‘he won’t hurt you, he’s just being friendly’…the next time this happens, I swear to god I’m replying, ‘Get your goddam dog away from me. Why the fuck would I want to get friendly with your dog asshat?’

Stay tuned, I will report back on this. I may even leave work right now to go wander the streets of my neighborhood looking for my first victim.

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all fine and dandy if I’m going to hang out someone’s house to watch a game or something where it’s a mutual “hey, let’s hang out” and they have a problem.
It’s another to be inconvenienced big time when it’s something i don’t want to do.
Also, another past issue was when gas was $4/gallon that ended up being almost $30 in gas just to drop my dog off. That’s a tub of Metabolic Drive :wink:

I think all relationship problems can be solved through sexual barter.