funny story

Thought I’d share this story, it made me laugh.

The professor announced to his class, “Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple: each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. One of you will then write the first paragraph of a short story. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back and forth. Remember
to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking and anything you wish to say must be written on the paper. The story
is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached.”

The following was turned in by two English students, Rebecca and Gary.

First paragraph by Rebecca:
At first, Laurie couldn’t decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Second paragraph by Gary:
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. “A.S. Harris to Geostation17,” he said into his transgalactic communicator, “Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far…” But before he could sign off a bluish
particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship’s cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

Rebecca: He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel," Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully...

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu’udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-
witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu’udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. “We can’t allow this!
I’m going to veto that treaty! Let’s blow 'em out of the sky!”

Rebecca: This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

Gary: Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F#$%@# TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels."

Rebecca: Asshole.



Gary: Slut.

Rebecca: Get F%$%#$d.

Gary: You wish; eat shit.


Gary: Go drink some tea - whore.

TEACHER: A+ - I really liked this one.

OH MY GOD!! JC, you just made me laugh for the first time in almost two weeks! Thank you, thank you, thank you…spending millions of your (and my) tax dollars just got a little easier.

ROFL!!! One of the best things I’ve read in a long time.

ahahahaha…is that real?

I’ve done that writing exercise before, in a drama workshop with my friend Matt. If I can dig up the story we came up with I’ll surely post it. I remember it having to do with a park ranger who got into an argument with a squirril or something to that effect. The story you posted was brilliantly executed. I could see Gary’s sense of T struggling to overcome the mere mention oh “chamomile.” I love projects that focus upon linking to ideas that have no superficial correlation. Wait, I just described about 95% of my posts. I miss doing writing exercises. I wrote for my college paper and still submit articles, but it isn’t the same. We should start one on here. Hell, I’m starting one right now:
Donovan looked cross-eyed at the laundry spinning around in what he concieved to be perpetual concentric motion. His thoughts drifted to more exciting times, though he could not recall a single outstanding event. As his focus blurred, he became aware of two items. Item one, the neighboor who had just moved into the apartment across the hallway had entered the laundramat. Item two, perhaps more notable, she appeared to have a large reptile in tow.

MBE: “T-freestyle writing, since 1930. JADABB founder, 2002.”


If you don’t mind, I’m going to pass this one on to a couple of Professors here. I KNOW they’ll laugh as hard as I did! VERY funny.

Holy shit! That was fucking hilarious! I laughed until I started coughing. I just copied it onto a Word file so I can e-mail it to some buddies. Thanks.

FUCK YES!!! Tears of laughter are streaming down my face. MY GOD I almost pissed myself… Please tell me this really happened!!!

Seen it before. It’s been forwarded through email for a while now. Funny nonetheless.

I love it. I too must pass it on!

Seen it before. Still funny. :slight_smile:

I have my entire class staring at me while I laugh out loud. Too bad I can’t share this with them. But let’s continue …

Donovan was astounded by the creatures actions, and leapt to his feet, intent on turning the reptile into a belt, and perhaps a keyring, if he was able to make the skin stretch far enough. “Whassa Matter tough guy? Don’t you like it rough?” His fury turned to astonishment as he looked up into the eyes of the reptiles owner. He quickly cataloged her features: designer contact lenses which made her eyes look like tiny suns, full, moist lips, a slightly upturned nose, porcelain skin. She had a slight pout on her face, which seemed to enhance her edgy beauty, and aroused his libido. Too bad that the entire effect was ruined by a piece of spinich between her teeth. That, and the fact that her guana kept trying to molest his ankle.