T Nation

Fucking Horror Movies

I just watched Hatchet on Showtime. The black guy got killed yet again! In Friday the 13th, we caught an axe to the back. In Hatchet, we got our arms broken off and then our head slammed into a gravestone.

FUCK! Fuck you Hollywood. I’m getting fucking tired of this bullshit. I’m tired of being the comic relief, I’m tired of protecting the last group of white people and then telling them to “Run” as the killer maims my body.

This is a Rant, but its a sober one and its well deserved.

Fuck you Hollywood.

Agreed. If you are a minority in a horror movie, you won’t last to the ending credits. The last Friday the 13th showed even Asians can’t escape the minority death crunch! IF I am EVER in a situation where people start dying off, I am fucking leaving!

Maybe this is why I like Event Horizon so much. That is like one of the only horror movies in the last 20 years where the funny black guy lives.

What? Didn’t the Wayans brothers survive the Scary Movie series? They survived at least three to make the fourth, right? Sheesh.

[quote]5.0 wrote:
What? Didn’t the Wayans brothers survive the Scary Movie series? They survived at least three to make the fourth, right? Sheesh.[/quote]

Wait…so in order to survive, it not only has to NOT be scary at all, but we have to produce the damn movie, write it, direct it and act in it too???

You know what “they” say…if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself.

You’re right! You all can’t catch a break.

Even you’re horror movie villains are lame - with the exception of the Candyman and the Predator.

…Taye Diggs lives in the newer House on Haunted Hill movie.

But let’s also keep in mind there was a white girl around to keep him motivated.

deep blue sea - minus an arm, and he was the comic relief

[quote]caveman101 wrote:
deep blue sea - minus an arm, and he was the comic relief [/quote]

That one doesn’t count. They bit Samuel L. Jacksons’s head off right in mid-hero-speech. That automatically turns LL Cool J white.


If I recall, this cat lived to see another day.

what about the 4-5 white people that die before the black guy?

i’m offended that my race is displayed as cannon fodder.

shit at least you guys make it halfway through.

[quote]print wrote:
If I recall, this cat lived to see another day.[/quote]

Nope. He was lynched at the end.

The amusing black guy is absolutely fucked in 99% of horror movies. It’s Hollywood law. As soon as you hear one “Daaaaaaaaaayymmm!” out of him you know he’s going to get cleaved in half.

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]print wrote:
If I recall, this cat lived to see another day.[/quote]

Nope. He was lynched at the end.[/quote]

At least he made through 99% of the flick, at a time when that was probably not the thing to do.

Dudley from Different Stokes survived the end of Friday the 13th part 5. Sadly, he is the only one I can think of

I want to see more euro-reptilians represented in horror movies.

Hollywood, take note.

[quote]print wrote:
If I recall, this cat lived to see another day.[/quote]

Dude, punch yourself.

[quote]print wrote:

[quote]Professor X wrote:

[quote]print wrote:
If I recall, this cat lived to see another day.[/quote]

Nope. He was lynched at the end.[/quote]

At least he made through 99% of the flick, at a time when that was probably not the thing to do.[/quote]

Well, if we’re gonna use that logic. Let’s say you break a 70 yard run toward the Endzone with no time left on the clock and you are about to score the winning touchdown. And then you get tackled from behind at the 2 yard line. Game over. And your leg is busted, so you can never play football again.

I hate it when movies trick me into thinking we’re gonna live at the end. I know the white girl is untouchable, but maybe the White guy will catch the axe. But fucking no! Some old bullshit happens and the brother gets caught. Or he sacrifices himself for the two useless mother fuckers:

“RUN?!!” Black guy is torn to pieces

And then they try to appease me by having the black guy fight the killer and actually whip his ass. The black guy will get a few hits in, talk shit, and then he’ll get murdered for his overconfidence.

Well, if you black guys would be better at being fucking psycho, you could judt be the serial killer. I dunno why but in RL you guys just aren’t killing your fair share of mother fuckers. I believe it would all be evened out if there were a few big name black serial killers here in America. Then in the movies they would portray more black horror movie killers and what not so then unless they let a white guy beat the monster at the end or some thing you should be pretty happy with the monster killing everyone and living to kill more. I dunno being white I have a hard time looking at shit like that,it just never bothered me. I don’t care who lives or dies in these movies and I usually want the hot white chick to get ended first so I don’t have to put up with the dumb bitch through out the movie.

And to be honest I bet the amount of white people killed by monsters in horror films dwarfs the number of blacks killed in horror films and ridiculously so. And if you feel like black people are just under utilized in hollywood I would agree. But really it doesnt make since to have a black leading man when Blacks are a minority at least in america. And in Africa I doubt they have theatre huts. So it makes since to cast the leads to white people since whites are the majority. And as a person making and selling a movie I would make it as appealing as I can to the most people I can.

black dynamite was cool, it wasn’t a horror movie though…