Alright, normally I wouldn’t condone these advice threads, but this matter is important to me and I want to gather info on what people think I should do. If anything, take this as a sign of respect that I want to know what my fellow T-Nation people think.
I rent a room from one of my best friends who bought a house a couple years ago. He and his girlfriend recently decided they were going to get married. The problem is that I don’t really care much for his fiance. It’s not so much that I think she’s a bad person or anything, I’ll explain.
This guy has only been in one other relationship in his life. It was with a real slutty girl who I hooked him up with (thinking he’d hit it and quit it or have a short fling, didn’t think he’d start full-fledged dating her) and they were together for a few months. If it matters, I can explain why it lasted as long as it did, but this is just to give some background into the very little amount of experience he has in relationships.
He met his current fiance about a year and a half ago. They went out and hit it off pretty well. About 3 months later, she had moved into the house and basically turned it into her personal storage facility (she has a LOT of stuff, pretty materialistic, but I won’t act like that’s not fairly common). About 6 months into the relationship, she began pressuring him into marrying her. She openly did it in front of me, just telling him over and over how much she wants to get married, having him watch wedding reality shows, things of that nature.
The problem I have is 1. it seems like he just hopped on the first girl who was willing to fuck him and be with him. He didn’t shop around at all or test the waters in the slightest (which I think is bad considering his lack of experience with women) and 2. it just seems like she pressures him into everything. It’s like their relationship revolves around what SHE wants to do and since he doesn’t know any better and is just happy to be in a relationship finally, he goes along with it.
Another tidbit that may be relevant… we got into an argument once a while back because she wasn’t feeling how “smug” I am and didn’t like how I try to give them/him relationship advice. The funny thing is that my friend is a lot more “smug” and stuck up about himself than I am (part of the reason we get along really well, we have that in common and tend to agree on a lot of things).
During that argument we got onto the topic of who has more experience in relationships between myself and her. This was because she wanted to validate not listening to me when I try to give him or both of them relationship advice.
She went on to say that she’s been in more relationships than I have(she’s my age, not quite a year older, my friend is a few years younger than I am), but she completely ignores the fact that 1. they were all failed relationships (which she said so herself at another point in the argument and makes me VERY curious) and 2. I have a Psych degree, which adds a significant level of validity to what I would have to say (she is a nurse).
She also mentioned that she doesn’t think it’s good to talk about past relationships with a current signficant other. She validated this by saying that that’s what her parents think and they’ve been married for a very long time, so it’s her policy not to go into details about previous relationships with her partners (which I think is stupid because I don’t think her parents had many relationships before they married each other, if any at all).
Personally, I think that’s her way of not letting my friend know that she’s been in a lot of failed relationships because she’s been dumped a lot for being a control freak who is always pressuring people into doing what she wants them to do.
He had basically 0 input during this argument. All he did was make sure that she understood the things I was saying. I didn’t have problems understanding what she said. She, however, is the type who will take things the wrong way if it is convenient for her to do so. Like say, if we’re arguing and she wants to make it look like I don’t know what I’m talking about, thank God he was still understanding what I was saying.
Part of me says just to keep my mouth shut and not say anything. I’m not going to say it’s impossible that I’m making a mountain out of a molehill here, but it doesn’t seem healthy to me and he’s not the type to ask people for advice, even when it comes to something he doesn’t know dick about like relationships.
So 2 questions: 1. do you think I should just sit back and let it play out the way it plays out? Am I overstepping my bounds here? or should I approach him about it? and 2. If I approach him about it, how should I go about doing it? He is currently out of town and I am picking him up from the airport on sunday. I’m thinking that’ll be a perfect time to have a heart to heart with him about this, if at all.
Let me know what you think if you’re still reading, sorry for the long post.