T Nation

Free Advice from a Bored Silverback


#1

It's Monday morning here. I am one week into to a two week notice (that I quit) I gave to a company/job that I have hated for almost a year exactly. The company is transferring my duties to other people, so I am sitting here doing essentially nothing.

I am a 40 year old fat guy with a wife who is completely out of my league. I have been a Headhunter/recruiter for the better part of 8 years now. I have a good understanding of how people and companies think and why they do things. I have "been there and done that" more than most Tnation-ers. I wouldn't claim to have anything important or valuable to share on training, but everything else in life, I'm pretty confident at.

I am expected to sit in the office for the next week, and I am bored to tears. If anyone wants advice, I'm here for the next week.


Seeking Some Life Advice
#2

I’ve been approached by Head Hunting companies for possible job opportunities. I’ve turned them down because in my own job hunt, out of the 5 experiences I’ve had with other companies 3 have straight out lied to me to get me into the interview.

Do you think that this profession is turning a corner and becoming more honest? It seems like companies are explaining rapidly and new ones are popping up every 6-12 months.


#3

Who is your daddy and what does he do


#4

[quote]Phoenix44e wrote:
I’ve been approached by Head Hunting companies for possible job opportunities. I’ve turned them down because in my own job hunt, out of the 5 experiences I’ve had with other companies 3 have straight out lied to me to get me into the interview.

Do you think that this profession is turning a corner and becoming more honest? It seems like companies are explaining rapidly and new ones are popping up every 6-12 months.[/quote]

A lot depends on what industry you are in, but I’ll say there seems to be a lot more integrity post recession than there was before. I was always taught “if you lie, your sale will die.” A big part of recruiting is selling the opportunity at the company, and then selling the candidate to the company, so sales principals definitely apply. Most of my career was recruiting sales people, who they see right through bullshit. It actually makes it a lot easier because the conversation becomes about the candidate, what they want, etc., and if the company can deliver, its a deal. Repeat business is a big deal in recruiting, so BS might get you one placement/commission, but if it blows up 6 months later I’d never hear from that company or candidate again.

I wouldn’t ignore headhunter calls if you are open to looking, however, if you answer them you have to be prepared for them to get your attention. A good recruiter will figure out what you want out of your career and then dangle it in front of you to entice you to look. if you are perfectly happy where you are, a recruiter might get into your head and change that. Like every industry, there are great ones and not so great ones.


#5

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
Who is your daddy and what does he do[/quote]

My daddy was a Sr Cost Analyst, and complete introvert. Now he does my step-mom. I’m a natural introvert too, but I am good playing the part of an outgoing person.

Edit: I should also add that because my dad was not a guy that talked a lot, I learned to listen good. I think that is what makes me a good recruiter and successful with womenz. Most people just want to be heard, and if you listen they’ll tell you what you need to know about them to get them to do what you want.


#6

Serious, perhaps odd question, that maybe you know something about. My wife and I were talking about this last night and I saw you post this morning so I figured I’d shoot.

I’m 28, have two kids (son 5, daughter 1), and am married to a Russian. I have a BS in electrical engineering and an MS in Management. I have a design engineering job that pays the bills and is reasonably interesting. However, my wife is interested in moving back to live in Russia at some point (she’s from St. Petersburg, but probably Peter or Moscow). I spent a couple years in Russia about 8 years ago and I am fluent in Russian (although I did not grow up with any sort of Russian cultural connection).

I am comfortable living in Russia, but not on a Russian salary (neither is my wife at this point). So I’m looking for an expat opportunity in Russia working for an American company. Of course, this is tricky as you have to find a reason why they can’t just hire a Russian to do the same job for less. In general, technical work is less well paid in Russia than it is int he US. I’m just wondering if you have any thoughts on how to approach this.


#7

Ok, serious question: what do you recommend to get the fuck out of engineering? I have bitched on this forum plenty about my job, Ive come to terms with the fact that, while I really enjoy mathematics and physics, I cant stand the boarder-line autistic personality type that is pervasive in engineering and sitting all day in an office makes me incredibly depressed. Don’t get me started on the office politics, as someone who is quite blunt, it is frustrating.


#8

[quote]Silyak wrote:
Serious, perhaps odd question, that maybe you know something about. My wife and I were talking about this last night and I saw you post this morning so I figured I’d shoot.

I’m 28, have two kids (son 5, daughter 1), and am married to a Russian. I have a BS in electrical engineering and an MS in Management. I have a design engineering job that pays the bills and is reasonably interesting. However, my wife is interested in moving back to live in Russia at some point (she’s from St. Petersburg, but probably Peter or Moscow). I spent a couple years in Russia about 8 years ago and I am fluent in Russian (although I did not grow up with any sort of Russian cultural connection).

I am comfortable living in Russia, but not on a Russian salary (neither is my wife at this point). So I’m looking for an expat opportunity in Russia working for an American company. Of course, this is tricky as you have to find a reason why they can’t just hire a Russian to do the same job for less. In general, technical work is less well paid in Russia than it is int he US. I’m just wondering if you have any thoughts on how to approach this. [/quote]

That is an interesting dilemma. If you were my candidate I guess I’d start looking for US companies with Russian projects. Being a contractor can be very lucrative, so if money is the only thing holding you back, that’s were I’d look. Also, start really thinking about your ideal situation in Russia. What are you doing? what are they paying you? Can you live with only vodka? What is really important to you? Knowing what you want will make a big difference in planning it out.

I’d also dive into LinkedIn (or whatever Russians use) and start connecting to people in Russia, in your industry. LinkedIn is full of recruiters, and someone is probably looking for someone like you, and I guarantee they are on LinkedIn. When you connect with people, tell them what you are looking for and ask them if they can help. Be professional, have a plan, and when my wife leaves me hopefully you’ll have a spare room. I want to train with KK.


#9

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
Ok, serious question: what do you recommend to get the fuck out of engineering? I have bitched on this forum plenty about my job, Ive come to terms with the fact that, while I really enjoy mathematics and physics, I cant stand the boarder-line autistic personality type that is pervasive in engineering and sitting all day in an office makes me incredibly depressed. Don’t get me started on the office politics, as someone who is quite blunt, it is frustrating. [/quote]
Office politics is part of every job, learn to use it to your advantage, be smart.

Not all engineering is about an office. Go work off shore or go overseas or go work for Oil and Gas and work the pipelines.


#10

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]Aero51 wrote:
Ok, serious question: what do you recommend to get the fuck out of engineering? I have bitched on this forum plenty about my job, Ive come to terms with the fact that, while I really enjoy mathematics and physics, I cant stand the boarder-line autistic personality type that is pervasive in engineering and sitting all day in an office makes me incredibly depressed. Don’t get me started on the office politics, as someone who is quite blunt, it is frustrating. [/quote]
Office politics is part of every job, learn to use it to your advantage, be smart.

Not all engineering is about an office. Go work off shore or go overseas or go work for Oil and Gas and work the pipelines. [/quote]

^this. You need to learn to deal with office politics or stay out of office politics, which is almost impossible. Get out of engineering wont solve anything for you on that front.

I have, and still am until the end of this week, worked with people who are just rotten people. I am a very honest person so when someone screws me over I want to tell them what a SOB or B they were. Sometime I don’t control myself and I have, but I also have a generally good reputation, and reputation for speaking my mind, so if I tell some off, people assume it was for good reasons.

Aero, I told you in the other thread how I deal with office D-bags. Stop the conversation/pissing match and look them in the eye and ask, “are you having a bad day?” That has saved my ass more than once from a potentially shitty situation. Angry people especially want to be heard. If you are the listen-er, you will turn an enemy into a friend.

Also people who are miserable are easy prey for the office SOB/B. You sound like a guy who wears his misery on his shoulder. People see that and they attack because they know they’ll get a reaction. Cheer up, it will make your life easier.

Homework for Aero–compliment a stranger today. Say something nice to someone you don’t know. This way there is nothing to gain from it. “Nice tie,” “nice car” whatever, making someone smile for no good reason will make you day better.


#11

Will do. Today has actually been a quiet day. Just generally annoyed this evening as opposed to pissed haha. It seems like humor is hard to come by, not to mention the annoying gossip/“things” that people talk about all day. It is like being in high school, but worse.

Other than one or two people I don’t really talk to anyone in my group. I don’t know if I can do work like this long term to be honest. EDIT: that goes back to wanting to have a meaningful legacy, which was how I was raised. A paycheck will only get you so far.


#12

I’m a 31 year old borderline autistic engineer who recently started a fling with a 23 year old former stripper with body image issues and a family history of schizophrenia. She’s a pain in the backside but certain segments of our relationship are very fun and satisfying. I’m wondering how long this can go on before it blows up in my face?


#13

[quote]theuofh wrote:
I’m a 31 year old borderline autistic engineer who recently started a fling with a 23 year old former stripper with body image issues and a family history of schizophrenia. She’s a pain in the backside but certain segments of our relationship are very fun and satisfying. I’m wondering how long this can go on before it blows up in my face? [/quote]
We need pictures


#14

[quote]theuofh wrote:
I’m a 31 year old borderline autistic engineer who recently started a fling with a 23 year old former stripper with body image issues and a family history of schizophrenia. She’s a pain in the backside but certain segments of our relationship are very fun and satisfying. I’m wondering how long this can go on before it blows up in my face? [/quote]

3-4 months, but I have a personal soft spot for strippers. I pretty much built my confidence early and practiced my “Game” with strippers. If you can get beyond the money factor, i.e.,they’re there to earn, strippers are pretty honest about people (not themselves though) because they need to understand people to entice men into the champagne room. That being said, like anywhere, there are also so nuts, so buyer be ware.

If you want it to continue because you like the conversations, I can only assume that is the positive part of the relationship, I’d lay down some ground rules. This will also put her in her comfort zone, because she probably did the same thing with customers. Define what your relationship is so there is no surprises. Damaged people hate surprises in relationships they’re too fragile, so rules will make her comfortable (read less likely to go nuts) but if you agree to rule you better live up to them. Damaged people also loose their shit quickly when you don’t hold up you end of the agreement. So, if you are in it just to hit dat’ ass, great, but tell her. You’d be surprised how many women are amiable to that and appreciate the honesty. If that’s the deal, but you get jealous when she finds a full time man, you better have glass coverage on your car.


#15

[quote]TheKraken wrote:

[quote]theuofh wrote:
I’m a 31 year old borderline autistic engineer who recently started a fling with a 23 year old former stripper with body image issues and a family history of schizophrenia. She’s a pain in the backside but certain segments of our relationship are very fun and satisfying. I’m wondering how long this can go on before it blows up in my face? [/quote]

Yada, yada, yada [/quote]
Seriously we need pictures.


#16

what do you think a person should do with their time on earth, and why?


#17

[quote]theuofh wrote:
I’m a 31 year old borderline autistic engineer who recently started a fling with a 23 year old former stripper with body image issues and a family history of schizophrenia. She’s a pain in the backside but certain segments of our relationship are very fun and satisfying. I’m wondering how long this can go on before it blows up in my face? [/quote]

That’s not good.

Pics?


#18

[quote]theuofh wrote:
I’m a 31 year old borderline autistic engineer who recently started a fling with a 23 year old former stripper with body image issues and a family history of schizophrenia. She’s a pain in the backside but certain segments of our relationship are very fun and satisfying. I’m wondering how long this can go on before it blows up in my face? [/quote]

3-6 months.

Next.


#19

[quote]Derek542 wrote:

[quote]TheKraken wrote:

[quote]theuofh wrote:
I’m a 31 year old borderline autistic engineer who recently started a fling with a 23 year old former stripper with body image issues and a family history of schizophrenia. She’s a pain in the backside but certain segments of our relationship are very fun and satisfying. I’m wondering how long this can go on before it blows up in my face? [/quote]

Yada, yada, yada [/quote]
Seriously we need pictures.[/quote]
I cant believe I missed that…tits or GTFO!


#20

[quote]TheCB wrote:
what do you think a person should do with their time on earth, and why?[/quote]

I’m probably going to sound a little “new age” here. I had a pretty shitty childhood. I didn’t grow up in Compton or anything like that, but my parents divorced and I was pretty much left to fend for myself while they pursued their spate paths. I experienced a lot of how rotten people can be to each other fairly young. Based on this I decided there is enough negativity in the world, so it seems like a better way to spend my time was/is to do my best to create some positivity. It doesn’t have to be through huge altruistic projects, but simply by being kind to your neighbors and generally trying to be a good human.

Also, I think it is everyone’s duty to strive to realize their potential. Do something often to improve yourself. Training is a good example, but not the only thing. People stop me in the gym to say “hi, how are you?” and the happiest thing I can say is, “just a little stronger than I was yesterday.”