T Nation

Forgiveness with Family


#1

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I've come across a startling revelation: there's one person that I'll never be able to forgive. I'll make this a short story.

My brother went into the U.S. Army in 2002 and got out in 2006. In 2005, he got married and had a kid with some crazy Puerto Rican bitch (not that her race has anything to do with it). They got married and liven on base while my brother was in Iraq. He served two tours of duty for a total of about 19 months of service over seas.

When he got out in 2006, he and his wife were having problems, so he left her. He was stationed in Oklahoma (where he still lives) and drove 1100 miles back to Chicago (where I live). He was back home for about 6 months before he left to go and be back with his kids (which was a respectable thing to do). It wasn't until Christmas of this year that I saw him for the first time in almost 4 years. The reason that I didn't see him was because of his wife, who kept him from leaving and kept legally threatening him with a bunch of bullshit that I don't want to get into.

But here's the thing, I can never forgive my sister-in-law for keeping my brother away from me for almost 4 years. I don't see how anybody could? So, what I'm saying is, I'm having a real hard time forgiving her for fucking up my relationship with my brother.

Luke


#2

....


#3

I believe the correct response is PIIHP.


#4

I don't know what you are looking for.

Talk to your brother, talk to her.


#5

She's not your blood, you have no obligation to like or respect her. You won't be the first person to not like the spouse of a sibling and your brother won't be the first person to cave to the will of a woman and put his blood second.

She's a cunt, you know it and so does your brother. Someday you guys will be right again, and she'll still be a cunt.


#6

I can completely relate, and we are not alone. In general, sister-in-laws are among the most disliked people.

I believe my sister-in-law killed my brother. Literally sucked the life out of him. I stay in contact with the kids but I'm completely done with the she-wolf.

Be happy your brother is still alive, keep the relationship alive and ignore your sister-in-law.


#7

I'd recommend picking up and reading a copy of The Power of Now.


#8

OP, once your brother got married, he created a new nuclear family that became a higher obligation than his previous "blood" family. Many siblings fail to understand this. She may be a bitch, but HE MARRIED HER. And he chose to do what he felt at the time was necessary to keep the peace, right or wrong, within his nuclear family. At the end of the day, your brother is responsible for that family and how it evolves... Including what he tolerates, how he sets boundaries (or fails to in this case) protecting himself and his children legally, etc... Your anger toward her is misplaced - HE allowed it to happen, the failure is his.

That might be hard to hear right now, and that's OK. But it's something you'd better figure out before you decide to start a family of your own. I say this coming from one of the most dysfunctional families you can imagine so I've given the matter a lot of thought.


#9

OP, I feel your pain man, sorry. but AC is right on this one. best of luck.


#10

Thanks, man. You're right. It was his idea to marry her, so it was his obligation to her and his new family that he be with them and still provide for them in whatever way he could. Now that I think about it, It makes sense.

Luke