Football Hate Mail...

Dear Mr. Holmgren:

I hate your guts.

Please do not confuse this for a small dose of Appendicle Anger or a smidgen of Liver Lividity, you see it’s the WHOLE package I hate. Even your Pancreas (yeah, I’m that mad). All of it.

In an Ice Cream world of coaches, you my Useless Bastard friend are the Vanilla in a sea of Rocky Road. Many suspect that you could not inspire a sneezing fit in a pepper factory and I have to agree with them.

Totally and without exception useless. We should have known something was up when Green Bay was contacted for a reference and the nicest thing they said was “Mike?, sure many, many times he exited the restroom and his fly was ALREADY done up”. The impression you left on the front office staff should have tipped us off too “Who?, you mean that fat guy who always had food in his moustache?, is that who you mean?” replied Lois the receptionist when quizzed on your personal skills.

But that’s O.K, really because when it is all said and done and your sad pathetic career is over you will be forgotten.

By everyone.

In case someone does remember you, it will undoubtedly be Carl from the Sobey’s in LoDo who, sick and tired of hauling your copious grocery order to your car while you insist he take an autographed receipt from “Big Tony’s: Where the Very Round get Great Suits at Really Great Prices” as a tip, will quip “I hated that Fat Bastard”.

I also hate flavoured coffee but that’s another story…

…Stooopid Seahawks

“Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important”

~ Eugene J. McCarthy

Thats some funny shit

Damn, Cupcake… I’m a Hawks fan, but don’t want to put all the blame on him. We dicked around w/ Dilfer, then Hassleback took awhile, Koren has not delivered like he was supposed to and our Def sucked until this year. However, I think his time is coming to an end. Today’s lost REALLY hurt. We still need to play @ STL.

No offense guys… but I loved that game. First time I could smile on a Sunday in 5 weeks.


You know how you feel when you walk past the Hobo with one leg, no teeth and a twitch who’s sobbing with quite dignity while contemplating his reflection in the fresh puddle of urine pooling around his foot?

That’s how all other NFL fans look at Washington Fans.

I would like to take this time to officially extend our condolences for the continued subjection of Washington fans to “The ol’ Ball Coach” (There is a rule about choosing your own nick-name, is there not? and don’t even get me started on the whole third-person thing.).

After a great deal of research (meaning, I made it up after realizing that although truth MAY indeed be stranger than fiction, it is rarely, if ever, funnier) I uncovered some very top-secret details of the clandestine meeting between Georgia Frontiere and Daniel Snyder at the Hooters in West Hoboken (“We’re the 'Hootiest”) in which, between rounds of Tequila shooters and mild wings (“Mom says hot stuff makes me poopy” offers Daniel), Mr. Snyder and the Dolly Parton impersonator turned NFL team-owner, Ms. Frontiere sell their soul to the Devil.

O.K, it wasn’t the Devil but they did offer to discount Jerry Falwell a season ticket package and to me Goddamnitt, that’s the same thing.

“I think you should do it Daniel” coos Ms.F, reaching once again for her “napkin” and exclaiming “Opps, that’s not MY lap…TeeHee…silly me”

“But he’s a big wiener” whimpers Dannyboy wondering why he feels “funny…down there”

“Exactly” murmurs GF, thinking “O.K, so he likes lifesavers, when’s he gonna get hard?”

“You see” continues Georgia “Honest, I can braid my armpit hair, wanna see” Frontiere, “The Ol’ Goofball” will deflect all of the attention away from the stupid shit you do, like signing all of those has-been players, whoreing out the future with ridiculous draft “suggestions” and even more circumspect trades and…"

“O.K, O.K! I get the picture!”

“And lets not forget the time you switched the Nacho Cheese in the stadium to that horrible…”

“Alright already! I get it, I get it”

“Come on snugglebums, lets go back to my house and I’ll show you some “Southern Hospitality”…you don’t mind wearing a Kurt Warner mask do you…?”


My source is impeccable.

“If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it”

~ W. C. Fields

That simply scares the bejeezus outa me Cupcake. Never, ever… write things about Georgia like that. Hell, I might not ever come back to this forum, after what’s gone through my head this day.

In all seriousness… I hate Spurrier. Ok, maybe Hate is a strong word, I hated Norv Turner. I dislike Spurrier to the umpteenth degree. If I could have just stopped being a Skins fan this past offseason when they let Davis go, I would have. But unfortunately there’s too many players there that I’m still a fan of.

Easy, cake, don’t hate the 'Hawks because ole Mike’s got an ego as wide as that gap in Arnie’s teeth. Smartest thing they did was to strip away his GM title and duties.

If our stupid-ass receivers could hang on to the rock instead of looking like the thing was made out of flubber, Matt Hasselback (previously known as “Crazylegs Hasselsack”) would have some outstanding numbers, and we might have another win or two!

Each year I go up to the Hawks’ training camp, and they really are, for the most part, a bunch of down to earth guys. They’ll chitchat with the fans, give out autographs, pose for pictures - the kids love it.

They’re still young. Next year, by God! (Oops, now I sound like a Cubs fan!)


The Hawks chances for going to the playoffs are far from over.