[quote]analog_kid wrote:
Get a bottle of apple juice. Drink the apple juice. Take the bottle and fill it with your morning piss. Put back in fridge. Smile.[/quote]
Then get reeeeally drunk and try and think of where you can get a drink.
(hilarity ensues)
Worst I’ve ever had stolen from me in a dorm was laundry detergent…though it was a huge bottle of it, so I was pretty pissed. Legally, I would imagine that anything that’s legal to own is legal to put in your food. After all, technically it’s yours, so you are free to do with it what you want…but I’m no lawyer.
[quote]analog_kid wrote:
Get a bottle of apple juice. Drink the apple juice. Take the bottle and fill it with your morning piss. Put back in fridge. Smile.[/quote]
I used to work in the parks department and someone did this to the sherrifs deputy that patrolled the park at night. I think he mixed it ~ 50/50 for taste.
lixy, the guy stealing your food is a dick. Don’t take any action that makes you the dick.
Thanks for all the replies guys. I laughed so hard at some of them that I’m not in a bad mood about the incident anymore.
So I went and talked to the (evil?) corporation that exploits the building, and they brought in a mini-fridge to my room within a couple of hours. It’s not the noiseless kind but I can live with that. I’ve also got a personal locker in the kitchen to keep the things that don’t need refrigeration.
Like I said, the devil in me wants revenge, but then again, somebody who spends his nights scouring the building’s kitchens for free food is probably punished enough. Besides, I realized that laxatives would cost me good money I could be using for food or supps (not an abbreviation for suppositories!). Final exams are ten days away, and I’ve decided to spend time studying in the kitchen in the hope of catching the nicker red handed. It just might work.
[quote]lixy wrote:
Thanks for all the replies guys. I laughed so hard at some of them that I’m not in a bad mood about the incident anymore.
So I went and talked to the (evil?) corporation that exploits the building, and they brought in a mini-fridge to my room within a couple of hours. It’s not the noiseless kind but I can live with that. I’ve also got a personal locker in the kitchen to keep the things that don’t need refrigeration.
Like I said, the devil in me wants revenge, but then again, somebody who spends his nights scouring the building’s kitchens for free food is probably punished enough. Besides, I realized that laxatives would cost me good money I could be using for food or supps (not an abbreviation for suppositories!). Final exams are ten days away, and I’ve decided to spend time studying in the kitchen in the hope of catching the nicker red handed. It just might work.[/quote]
Live in the kitchen. Sleep there. Keep buckets for feces. Growl at anyone who comes in. Urinate in the corners. Eventually, they will come to recognize the kitchen as ‘Mad Dog Lixy’s Territory’ and leave your food alone.
Go hard bro. I like the piss idea. I like feces even better. Somehow you need to find a way to incorporate fecal matter into the bait food.
[quote]Thomas Gabriel wrote:
Laxitives are kinda lame. Might even help the person out lol. Here’s some alternatives:
2)A good squirt of pepper spray will leave them in extreme pain, and they will probably puke.
You could get some estrogen replacement pills online, and crush them up and put them in the food. Look for the bloated, crying person.
OR if you want to be EXTREME, crush up a high dose of an old school anti-psychotic. The akathisia they get will probably be the most unpleasant thing they ever experience. Combine that with a stimulant and they may even kill themselves. [/quote]
I like the cut of your jib.
My first roommate wasn’t too bad in the beginning. He paid his bills and it seemed that all of his female friends were incredibly hot. However a major flaw was that he ate all the groceries…all of them…and never, ever replaced a fucking thing. It got so bad that I actually started charging him for the food at a 100% increased profit price and he PAID it every month because he said it wasn’t worth the trouble to go shopping.
However charging him $6 for milk didn’t do me any good when I would get a bowl of cereal and have nothing to pour on top of it. So, my final solution came from the same place where I get all of my ideas to correct social problems. Of course I mean television sitcoms. Specifically “Happy Days” in this instance.
Ala Ralph Malph and Potsie, I divided the refrigerator and the pantry into two halves, complete with a piece of dividing tape. My stuff on the right, his on the left, and dared him to cross my Rubicon.
It didn’t work of course, because if someone won’t respect your things enough to not steal your food, what makes you think they will respect the detente of a piece of fucking sticky tape?
What I needed was one of those invisible fence dog collar shockers on his nuts.
[quote]lixy wrote:
I’ve also got a personal locker in the kitchen to keep the things that don’t need refrigeration.[/quote]
For some reason, I spent two minutes reading that as “I’ve also got a personal hooker in the kitchen”.
Back in college we all threw in money for food and often group shopped. It was always an eating contest as soon as we got the food in the house.
lol… I can imagine what the kid will say when you catch him “I was carbo loading I have a contest next week!”
[quote]Vicomte wrote:
Live in the kitchen. Sleep there. Keep buckets for feces. Growl at anyone who comes in. Urinate in the corners. Eventually, they will come to recognize the kitchen as ‘Mad Dog Lixy’s Territory’ and leave your food alone.
[/quote]
Your plan is mostly good, but there are still a few details to be figured out. For example, pissing on your own kitchen floor even though you have a feces bucket?
[quote]Zap Branigan wrote:
Back in college we all threw in money for food and often group shopped. It was always an eating contest as soon as we got the food in the house.[/quote]
exactly.
[quote]Anonymous Coward wrote:
Your plan is mostly good, but there are still a few details to be figured out. For example, pissing on your own kitchen floor even though you have a feces bucket?[/quote]
It’s called marking your territory. The others won’t go near the scent of an Alpha Males urine. Come to think of it… Alpha Male gives me funny smelling pee.
OMFG…
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Anonymous Coward wrote:
Your plan is mostly good, but there are still a few details to be figured out. For example, pissing on your own kitchen floor even though you have a feces bucket?
It’s called marking your territory. The others won’t go near the scent of an Alpha Males urine. Come to think of it… Alpha Male gives me funny smelling pee.
OMFG…[/quote]
Marking your territory with piss…of course!
That’s much easier than smearing shit everywhere. Damn.
is this the preferred euphemism for your devilish plan?
Start posting signs in the building that food on the third floor has been randomly spiked with laxitives.
The note should look something like this:
[quote]
To the Food Thief:
I know what you’ve been doing. Please enjoy my food freely in the 3rd floor kitchen. For entertainment purposes I have randomly laced some items with such and such a laxative. Can you guess which ones? I await your reply.
Signed,
lixy[/quote]
This way he knows he’s been caught and he knows who he’s been offending. The scare tactic may just be ballsy enough to keep the thief from offending again.
Keep us posted.
[quote]Makavali wrote:
Bake brownies with weed in 'em. Then eat the brownies.
Problem solved.[/quote]
I would come over and steal them:)
Lixy, if you live in the al Qaeda frat house why don’t you just pour bacon fat on your food? They won’t steal it then and it will taste so much better.
well if you really want to find out who it is, lace your food with LSD. It’d be pretty damn hard for someone to go 9 hours on acid without someone noticing.