T Nation

Food Theft

Hi all,

Last month, I moved into this student building with 3 floors (I’m in the top one), and where each floor has a common kitchen. Not cool, but it’s cheap enough that I manage to save more dough for supps and food. Thing is, some jackass keeps stealing stuff I put in the fridge. Last night, the bastard got took 4 pounds of ground beef, a dozen eggs and a milk carton. And it all happened between the hours of 11pm and 5am.

I talked to the people on my floor and they said they had similar experiences. One of them had baked cookies for all of us and left the jar in the kitchen. The next morning it was gone! It appears this thief is not just after sustenance. He/she takes even homemade cookies. I’ve also heard stories of dishes disappearing. We’re only three in my floor, and the ones below have 8 people per level. So, it’s not like the suspect list is that long.

Been mulling this over, and I went through the webcam idea, alarm thing and other McGyver-ish ways to catch the rascal red-handed. But then I realized that the landlord-company won’t give a shit. And I don’t see myself wasting the time of cops over stolen eggs. Not to mention that putting the covert surveillance device in place is a hassle.

And that’s when the little devil pops up in my head with ideas of mixing laxative or other potent drugs or toxins into the food and let him/her have at it. What do you guys think? Should I give in to this machiavelic plan, or should I just let it slide?

laxatives yes. potent drugs/toxins no.
They can’t complain about the laxatives w/o self-incriminating. drugs are same except possible legal repercussions. I’d say go laxatives, either that or something simple like a tripwire with bells to alert you to raids, so you could catch said thief. or if you know any chemicals that would change skin color temporarily, rub on containers, perp has colored hands. all ideas. hah.

[quote]lixy wrote:
And that’s when the little devil pops up in my head with ideas of mixing laxative or other potent drugs or toxins into the food and let him/her have at it. What do you guys think? Should I give in to this machiavelic plan, or should I just let it slide?[/quote]

Go for it.

I live with 3 girls, and it’s an eye opener to see how dirty and dodgy some people can be. I had one of them take my food once and I confronted all off them saying that I don’t buy food for them, so keep your fucking hands off.

If I was in your situation, I would buy something tasty and add potent laxatives to it, and the milk for good measure. There is nothing more annoying when sharing with others when they don’t respect your shit.

This is why I live alone. If a roomy stole my food I would no doubt kill them in their sleep.

Time to put a mini fridge in your bedroom or find a new place to live.

Maybe you should bomb them?

seriously though if there isn’t very many suspects like you say I’d persoanlly go around and threaten them all. I’ve lived with 40 people before (YMCA) and shared a fridge and freezor and have never ever had a problem.

tell everyone to stop eating your food, no matter what. THEN go with laxatives.

It would be pretty bad if someone you’re cool with was a cooking, found themselves short on an ingredient, and borrowed some of yours, only to be poisoned and accused of theft.

Wow, what a piss-off. And, what a coincidence.

We have a thief in our office. There are about 80 or so people sharing two fridges on our floor. Food goes missing all the time. I never believed it when people told me they had their lunch stolen. I assumed that they just forgot it at home, or lost it in the fridge in the pile of 20 or so other lunch bags.

Well…whaddya know. I had my lunch stolen today. I had a late lunch and went into the fridge to find it nearly empty. My huge-ass tupperware container was gone.

My theory is that someone just got pissed off at how much space it took and snatched it. Because the lunch was nothing special - salad and salmon. Most people in my office eat frozen dinners. I can’t see someone stealing it to eat it.

Sorry, I guess I’m venting. But I like the laxative idea. We’ve asked management to install cameras, but the unions won’t go for it.

Anyway, sorry to hear that you got a bunch of food stolen, especially since you are a student - harsh.

get a few locks with 3 keys and lock up the fridge and cabinets

laxatives would be great, if ur a big guy… wait in the kitchen all night and scare the shit out of who ever it is.

Laxatives. How funny would that be?

Very funny.

When you live with others you’ve got to make sacrifices. A few months I got my laptop, two cameras, and an mp3 player stolen out of my dorm room.

That said, laxatives seem like a pretty kosher idea. Good luck. If you catch the thief, tell him about my plight, strangle him unconscious, write “I am a thief” in permanent marker on his forehead, and handcuff his hands to the fridge.

Laxitives are kinda lame. Might even help the person out lol. Here’s some alternatives:

  1. Ipecac will make them puke all night. They will probably suspect it is a foodborne pathogen. This is probably the safest option if you don’t want to be caught. It might not teach them a lesson though.

2)A good squirt of pepper spray will leave them in extreme pain, and they will probably puke.

  1. You could get some estrogen replacement pills online, and crush them up and put them in the food. Look for the bloated, crying person.

  2. OR if you want to be EXTREME, crush up a high dose of an old school anti-psychotic. The akathisia they get will probably be the most unpleasant thing they ever experience. Combine that with a stimulant and they may even kill themselves.

Bake brownies with weed in 'em. Then eat the brownies.

Problem solved.

[quote]Makavali wrote:
Bake brownies with weed in 'em. Then eat the brownies.

Problem solved.[/quote]

I can see where that would take the edge off…

welcome to student living. It sucks. It might not even be entirely the people in your building. Drunken friends turning up after a night out are usually the culprits where i live.

salmonella has potential. Leave one smalll peice of chicken on a windowsill for awhile, spray it with water, then slide it into the middle of something tasty.

Since it’s a small building, just tell everyone that you’ve noticed the theft and don’t appreciate it. Get some of your neighbors to back you up if you can.

But do it face to face, don’t leave a note. Don’t threaten right off the bat either, but be firm.

Just say something like “We’ve noticed that a lot of our food is getting stolen, and we suspect that someone in this building is doing it. We’d appreciate it if you stopped. If it continues, we will find out who is doing it, and we will put a stop to it.”

It’s possible that a student there just doesn’t understand that personal food is not communal food.

I live in a student building and people always leave free food in the fridge. One time there was 4 pounds of ground beef, a dozen eggs and a milk carton, talk about lucky.

[quote]matathedestroyer wrote:
I can see where that would take the edge off…[/quote]

I thought to myself… what would Arnie do?

But seriously. Lixy - just do the laxative thing. Stealing someone else’s food is not cool.

Get a bottle of apple juice. Drink the apple juice. Take the bottle and fill it with your morning piss. Put back in fridge. Smile.