T Nation

Flip the Wish


Okay guys, this is an entertaining thing I saw on another board. Basically, someone makes a wish. The next poster grants it, but with a horrible unexpected twist to it. Then that poster makes their own wish.

"I wish George Bush wasn't president."
"Granted. Now Jeb Bush is president."
"I wish I had a lot more sex."
"Granted, but it's only with dead men."

Got the idea? Good. Here goes.

I wish I was finished with my college degree program.


GRanted, but it took you 9 years and almost a million dollars.

On that note, I wish I was rich.


Granted! But you're serving a life sentance for being framed as a drug dealer.

I wish I had 100 more wishes.


Granted. But you're hit by truck and killed instantly before you can use any.

I wish I could deadlift 1000 lbs., wish an overhand grip.


Granted. But due to the lack of gravity on the surface of a space shuttle, your attempt sends you into a slowly decaying orbit around Earth.

I wish I was as strong as Dave Tate.


Granted, but you tear both pecs in the process.

I wish I hadn't said that.


Granted. But Dave knows you were thinking about saying that and he kicks your ass for even considering saying it.

I wish I were an Oscar Meyer wiener.


Granted, but you get stuck in between FaTman's teeth.

I wish I had more pictures of FatMan to laugh at.


Granted. I just finished flushing you after enjoying a tasty bbq.

I wish no one will grant my wish.


Granted. But you soon find yourself in a pile being devoured by a 150 lb. Japenese guy and a grizzly bear.


Granted, but your lack of wishes is now accompanied by a lack of arms and legs.

I wish I didn't have to work this summer.


Granted. You don't have to work, but that's only because you are in a coma.

I wish I was a little bit taller.


Granted, but since you didn't specify an absolute amount you are now 11 feet tall and an absolute freak who can't hold a job, find clothes to fit, or get a girl.

I wish I wasn't so shy when I was younger and had gone after those girls I could have easily nailed.



But so is everyone else. You now live in a world where 8ft is the average height. You are legally classified as a mutant.

I wish I could have consequence-free sex with any woman I wanted, including porn stars.


Granted, but now they won't leave, they want to stick around to talk and snuggle.

I wish this reality TV would just die out.


Granted, and now you are in prison for being a serial rapist.

I wish I was the owner of a 1936 HD knucklehead in original, mint condition.


Granted. But you quickly get bored due to the lack of a challenge and turn to having sex with small wild animals which you catch in your Have-a Heart trap. Eventually you pick up rabies from a rather lusty female raccoon and die.

I wish I was the LEGAL owner of a 1936 HD knucklehead in original, mint condition.


Granted, but the price of gasoline is now $1,000,000 and your 1st born child per gallon.

I wish I was in Dixie.....


Granted. But it's 1830 and you're black.

I wish I had a free supply of Biotest supplements.


Granted, but Amy Shipley has had her way and they're all illegal.

I wish Amy Shipley would start crusading against tobacco instead of the supplement industry.