Flex, The Movie

Off Topic
1

From the ‘wedge’ thread, a few people were discussing Tom Platz, and I kept wondering, ok where did I see a movie with that guy?

Well, I remembered what to me stays in my memory banks as quite possibly the worst film ever made – Flex. The movie. (1988). Starring Harry Grant (who also directed…gotta be proud of that! Incidentally he also had a role in Jaws 3-D, which was actually an upgrade from Flex), Angela Aames, Ken Waller, and good ol’ Tom Platz.

Perhaps the most interesting thing about the credits of Flex is that, while some of the actors had film roles before Flex, it seems that just about nobody had an acting role after Flex. Oh, no, wait, Tom Platz played Hugo in ‘8 heads in a duffel bag.’

This film was apparently so ill-regarded that nobody even bothered giving it a Wikipedia entry.

That’s sad.

Since it was 1988, I admit my memory of it may be a tiny bit hazy. My long-lasting impression, however, was that it was something like one of those porn movies that not only isn’t erotic, but something about how everything is filmed is deeply disturbing.

Not deeply disturbing in a German porn sort of way, but more like Ed Wood doing a remake of a David Lynch movie. The end result is that you can’t quite put your finger on what exactly was so desultory and disturbing, but you left the theater feeling deeply violated and in need of a shower. Preferably with pumice soap.

But because the violation is on a spiritual level, you just end up scrubbing your skin to the point of bleeding because you cannot remove the shame.

So, getting to the point…does anyone else here remember the movie? Anyone have it on Blu-Ray?

Chances are, there will be SOMEONE who will get all pissed and say, “Oh man Flex was my favorite movie! Your [sic] an asshole!”

This is why I don’t write movie reviews any more.

But I am sincerely curious to hear the impressions of people here, if they’ve seen the film. If you haven’t…try to find a way to see a bit of it. I want to see if it makes the same impression on other people as it did me.

2

didn’t Platz have a minor role in “Twins” with Arnold?

3

That’s true, you’re right. Both movies came out in 1988. Awesome. I suppose the leprosy that was Flex wasn’t Tom’s fault.

Dude probably lost a bet or something.

4

I apologize for bumping this thread, it’s not meant as self-promotion or attention whoring. Rather, I’ve been making a real effort to find out more information about this movie, but not only is it not available ANYWHERE (no YouTube, no NetFlix/Blockbuster, and not even an old copy for sale on eBay!), but I haven’t even found another human being who has seen it.

I wonder if it only screened in a couple of theaters nationwide and never even got a real video release? I saw it in the old College Theater Multiplex in San Diego, California (not far from SDSU, I don’t know if the theater is still there – it showed a lot of small-release films including the first-pass release of Pumping Iron 2: The Women before it went national) – this was before things really started going ‘straight to video’ in any sort of large scale.

I’m really wondering if my father and I were the only people on earth who sat through this film. I think the other guy in the theater at the time might have been sleeping, nodded out, or possibly deceased.

Some twisted part of my psyche desperately wants to see this movie again. It’s sort of like, surviving an ultra-rare and virulent strain of syphilis, and wanting to get re-exposed just to see if you have it in yourself to survive it a second time.

5

I checked for Platz in Twins and couldn’t find him but did see Roy Callendar ( I think that’s how he spells it)
If Platz is anywhere visible in that movie I think it should be in the same scene that Callendar is in, which is the one where Arnold goes to see one of the original sperm donors.

6

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Here’s a pic I found of young Tom…wow…whoda thunk the thighs we know him for were in those puny getaway sticks the whole time?

7

Yeah, Platz is credited as “Granger Son #1,” Granger being the implicit sperm donor/father of Arnold’s character. I’m not sure if he has any actual lines in the film.

Oh, and his role in “8 heads in a duffel bag,” Tom Platz is one of the heads. Really. It’s actually a credited role. I’m guessing there was a friend/fan as one of the higher ups in the film, I’m not really sure how Tom would have tried out for the role of a decapitated head.

8

[quote]LHT wrote:
From the ‘wedge’ thread, a few people were discussing Tom Platz, and I kept wondering, ok where did I see a movie with that guy?

Well, I remembered what to me stays in my memory banks as quite possibly the worst film ever made – Flex. The movie. (1988). Starring Harry Grant (who also directed…gotta be proud of that! Incidentally he also had a role in Jaws 3-D, which was actually an upgrade from Flex), Angela Aames, Ken Waller, and good ol’ Tom Platz.

Perhaps the most interesting thing about the credits of Flex is that, while some of the actors had film roles before Flex, it seems that just about nobody had an acting role after Flex. Oh, no, wait, Tom Platz played Hugo in ‘8 heads in a duffel bag.’

This film was apparently so ill-regarded that nobody even bothered giving it a Wikipedia entry.

That’s sad.

Since it was 1988, I admit my memory of it may be a tiny bit hazy. My long-lasting impression, however, was that it was something like one of those porn movies that not only isn’t erotic, but something about how everything is filmed is deeply disturbing.

Not deeply disturbing in a German porn sort of way, but more like Ed Wood doing a remake of a David Lynch movie. The end result is that you can’t quite put your finger on what exactly was so desultory and disturbing, but you left the theater feeling deeply violated and in need of a shower. Preferably with pumice soap.

But because the violation is on a spiritual level, you just end up scrubbing your skin to the point of bleeding because you cannot remove the shame.

So, getting to the point…does anyone else here remember the movie? Anyone have it on Blu-Ray?

Chances are, there will be SOMEONE who will get all pissed and say, “Oh man Flex was my favorite movie! Your [sic] an asshole!”

This is why I don’t write movie reviews any more.

But I am sincerely curious to hear the impressions of people here, if they’ve seen the film. If you haven’t…try to find a way to see a bit of it. I want to see if it makes the same impression on other people as it did me. [/quote]

I’ll admit to having seen it (or actually about 20 minutes of it) on Spectravision (it was like PG-13 pay-per-view in hotels in the the early 90s, for those who did not the misfortune of business travel during the 90s), probably somewhere in Europe.

All I remember was someone wanted to save a gym, so they dated some rich girl with the money to save the gym, but the when the bad guy sent a bimbo to fuck the hero and get caught by the rich girl. Or something like that.

Basically “Dodgeball,” but not funny and with bodybuilders.

Not sure what happened. Pretty sure room service came with my 2 crown royals and steak (the dinner of bored traveling lawyers).

As an aside, I have a buddy that has one of the old Spectravision machines. It’s like 50 VHS machines on a big rolling shelf/cart — like you see a mainframe on now. You’d punch in your movie and the tape would play for your room. Lots of wires and an Apple II controlling it. They’d have so many movies and if too many people were watching your title, you were out of luck.

Fairly confident I ended up watching “Flex” because it was the only title not being watched.

9

Wow! First, I thank you for adding your story, though I wish you had watched it to the end. At least I know that I didn’t imagine the film.

Also…this means that at one time it was probably published on a VHS tape! This means there is some tiny chance of me being able to track it down.

I still have a working VHS somewhere in this house. If I can convert it to digital, I might be able to put Flex (in segments) on YouTube…thus spreading the misery.

Oh, and Mr. Bacca – Your description, while not inaccurate, has the problem of maybe, possibly making the film seem slightly more interesting than it was.

To put it in perspective, I see a lot of movies – not as many since I finished my most recent move, but…many. Every year, there are a couple of films that are really bad, and when you walk out of the theater you might say, “That was the worst film ever.” But…it wasn’t. It was bad, but not the worst film ever made.

I sincerely endorse Flex as the worst American film of all time. It was as boring as Plan 9 From Outer Space, but it had the added misery of being the filmic equivalent of fucking the most syphilitic whore in Pakistan.

10

[quote]LHT wrote:
I sincerely endorse Flex as the worst American film of all time. [/quote]

No, that would be the movie of about the same vintage staring Robin Williams as a fireman that had to do something to save a bar on a beach and the bad guy sent the bimbo to fuck him, which resulted in Robin losing the daughter of the guy who owned the bar that was being lost and so he had to redeem himself

Or something.

Same plot as “Dodgeball” and “Flex” but with Robin Williams and on a beach, and also not funny.

In fact, it’s the only movie I’ve ever walked out of.

11
12

I thought the part where Platz was in ‘Twins’ was during the opening scenes, when arnold and his brother (Platz) were frolicking on the beach with their adoptive parents.

I could be wrong.

13

[quote]Edgy wrote:
I thought the part where Platz was in ‘Twins’ was during the opening scenes, when arnold and his brother (Platz) were frolicking on the beach with their adoptive parents.

I could be wrong.[/quote]

So, scenes with muscular men frolicking on the beach are memorable to you? Good to know. :smiley:

Mr. Bacca – You know, I’m really not sure if I saw that one or not. That wasn’t the one that dragged in Michael Caine, was it?

I might have to get a copy of both, to compare.

14

[quote]LHT wrote:
So, scenes with muscular men frolicking on the beach are memorable to you? Good to know. :smiley:
[/quote]

I see where that could have been misconstrued…

Oh well…

15

[quote]LHT wrote:
You know, I’m really not sure if I saw that one or not. That wasn’t the one that dragged in Michael Caine, was it? [/quote]

Club Paradise

Note it says “Story by El Robato.”

According to Wiki, this is because:

"“Ed Roboto” is a pseudonym for Harry Shearer, who was asked to do a rewrite with Tom Leopold. Only two words of what they wrote ended up in the film (the title) and Shearer was “so appalled by the movie” that he removed his name from the credits.[6]:

16

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]LHT wrote:
You know, I’m really not sure if I saw that one or not. That wasn’t the one that dragged in Michael Caine, was it? [/quote]

Club Paradise

Note it says “Story by El Robato.”

According to Wiki, this is because:

"“Ed Roboto” is a pseudonym for Harry Shearer, who was asked to do a rewrite with Tom Leopold. Only two words of what they wrote ended up in the film (the title) and Shearer was “so appalled by the movie” that he removed his name from the credits.[6]:
[/quote]

Seen part of this. It is almost identical to an 80’s buddy cop flick with Billy Crystal and Gregory Hines that might be the most unintentionally gay movie of all time. Didn’t see all of that either and don’t know the name. Even with all of this I still refuse to believe that any single movie can be worse than Predators.

17

Ah. Peter O’Toole.

That’s…so sad. Though for what it’s worth, in the late 80’s they were dragging Michael Caine into some epic crap films.

You know, I am starting to remember that film. Wow…Club Paradise vs. Flex. That is quite a potential competition.

And WhiteFlash – Oh, films can get MUCH MUCH worse than Predators. Club Paradise and Flex were two films that were not only horribly done, but absolutely failed on every possible level. You could at least make a case for Predators’ sound editing or special effects or something.

I am still going to cast my vote for Flex simply because not only was it horrible, but it made me feel so…dirty. So wrong. I think the only reason the makers of Flex didn’t go into Kiddie porn was because they just haven’t gotten around to it yet.

And it isn’t like I haven’t seen any soul-searing things in my life…

18

This may sound weird but when I was 13 (in 1986) I put a poster of Club Paradise on my wall.

I can’t remember how I got it, and I never saw the movie, but I’d look at it and think how cool it would be to go to a place like that and party.

I mean sure it’s still a good idea to drink beer on some beach in the Caribbean…but back then I was thinking of doing it with Robin Williams and Rick Moranis.

19

[quote]Nards wrote:
…but back then I was thinking of doing it with Robin Williams and Rick Moranis.[/quote]

That was your first mistake.

20

[quote]Nards wrote:
…but back then I was thinking of doing it with Robin Williams and Rick Moranis.[/quote]

I appreciate your honesty, but could you keep this sort of information on the ‘confessional thread’ or ‘Oddest Fetishes?’