Been a while. I just need to vent to some strangers so I stop hearing the same tired talks from people.
I’ve been in a committed relationship for 8 years. I love her with all my heart.
We had a strange relationship. We allowed a lot of space, and were incredibly trusting. We were/are best friends.
Over time she helped build me up from being a jobless shit, to having a good job, a nice house, the american dream.
And she left me Wednesday.
Its multifaceted, we were both very… financially dependent on eachother, but not emotionally. We both did our own thing. I started working more, upwards of 50-60 hours a week. I’m tired and burned out, and while I’ve never taken it out on her, I know it was hard to see me so burned out. That part is on me. And i will literally never live it down. I got too caught up trying to make our lives easier that i couldnt cater to her needs. I just assumed she was naturally as emotionally distant as me, clearly, I was a fucking idiot.
She also wants to travel the world and go fishing and hunting. While not my cup of tea, I realize now, that i would happily put my 2 weeks in at my job tonight if I could follow her. Fuck the money, fuck the stability we’ve built up, it truly doesnt matter to me, if there is a single chance to get her back, even just to watch her by some Alaskan lake.
Were still living together. Were on extremely good terms. No shouting or arguing. Even when she told me, I just smiled and told her that I understood. Which i do.
But I fucking hate it.
She needs her space. And by all means, I’m always the first to say that is important. Do not smother.
But how can those rules apply when the entire break up is about a lack of true romantic attention? I want to say fuck that, and go all in. I risk letting it fizzle into nothingness, or driving her away.
I’ve got to be honest, I’d rather fly too close to the sun and run her off, than watch her just slowly stop coming around. I feel like the risk is worth it. However I trust her judgment. If she wants space, I want to give her space.
I guess what sucks the most, is this has been on her mind for weeks, or even months, and I feel blindsided by it.
I’m so thankful she had the courage to talk to me about it. I dont have an ounce of ill will… I’m just crushed.
I dont know what good this will do, but I just needed to vent through a new outlet.
Thanks for listening.