Flatulence (farting)

[quote]MODOK wrote:
Ok, quick story…I’ve got NOXIOUS gas, every day of my life. I am a clinical pharmacist at a big hospital, so I am in and out of patients rooms a lot. The other day I had a ripping case…smelled like rotten pulp wood or something. I was outside this patients room entering orders most of the day. When I would crank one out, the nurse would walk by and catch a whiff and nearly knock her out…I’d tell her, “I think your patient just shat himself…he stinks!” She’d run and get a change of sheets, but he’d be fine. This happened three times, then I convinced her to order him some gas-x…she was cussing that poor soul all night! And I was thinking, better you than me sucka! :)[/quote]

LOL!

[quote]Lonnie123 wrote:
Do you think its better to fart with more frequency, or less often with more intensity?? I’m trying to gain some farting strength and want to know which way to go.[/quote]

hahaha! hilarious!

Yeah, lay off dairy if you can. Also, drink ginger tea. That will help as well.

HAHAHHA Finally fellow farters! THIS THREAD IS GREAT!!

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
It’s all in the delivery, man.

  1. The shotgun- Act like you’re racking a shotgun, raise it to your shoulder, and Boom! let it rip.

2.The Goal- Lift you’re leg and crank the elbow back like Mario Lemieux just shot the winning goal of the Stanley Cup.

  1. You da man!- Turn to someone real excited like, pointing both fingers, and instead of shouting “You Da Man!”, bust one out that will shatter thier eardrums.

These are just a few, but there are a million of 'em. Timing is important though, so practice a little before you try them on co-workers.

Good Luck![/quote]

Crazy! Good stuff! I guess combining farting with NFL touchdown moves would be crazy too.

Not to sound like a shill or anything, but I have found that Metabolic Drive is the only protein powder that didn’t make me unable to share the same room with other humans.

I have noticed the increase of farting on a John Berardi style eating plan (30g protein every 3 hours, lots of fruit and veg).

Cruciferous vegetables for me provide the volume and propulsion, and the stench is caused by the meat/whey powder or eggs.

However, the most ROTTEN farts i have ever created have been from a Turkey Mince Stir-fry, which consisted of various chinese greens, brocolli, snow peas and other veg. The farts were just rancid. They smelt like they could seriously blow some shit up if somebody took a match to them, and furthermore they just kept coming thick and fast.

When the stench cloud from one fart clears after like 3 minutes, it is replaced by another one almost immediately.

It was something to do with the fact I dont eat turkey that often, and I think the Soy and Garlic helped create a fusion effect. Add greens for volume, and there you have it.

I tried this twice to make sure it wasnt a mistake… awesome farts.

Anybody else got any good fart recipes?

Udo’s Choice Digestive Enzymes and Greens Plus have definitely helped me cut down in the farting department.
-Greg

There once was this young man who was having dinner at the home of his fiance’s parents, whom he had just met for the first time. Suddenly, he feels the boiling discomfort a gas bubble and a FART coming on. He sees the family dog sitting immediately behind him so he thinks, “If I do it quietly, they might blame it on the dog”, so he lets out just a little bit…fffft

“Spot”! Cried his fiance’s mom. ‘Great’, he thinks, ‘they blamed it on the dog.’

A few moments later, the pains were so bad and he had to pass gas again. Knowing the dog would be to blame, he lets out a loud fart…ffffffttttt!

“Spot”!! Shouts his fiance’s mom. ‘I’m home free’ he thinks, ‘they really think it’s the dog!’ And he has to fart again.

This time, knowing that the dog was to blame, he lets it rip FFFFFFFRRRRTTTT!!!

“SPOT!!! GET OVER HERE QUICK BEFORE HE SHITS ON YOU!!!”

[quote]perseng wrote:
I have noticed the increase of farting on a John Berardi style eating plan (30g protein every 3 hours, lots of fruit and veg).

Cruciferous vegetables for me provide the volume and propulsion, and the stench is caused by the meat/whey powder or eggs.

However, the most ROTTEN farts i have ever created have been from a Turkey Mince Stir-fry, which consisted of various chinese greens, brocolli, snow peas and other veg. The farts were just rancid. They smelt like they could seriously blow some shit up if somebody took a match to them, and furthermore they just kept coming thick and fast.

When the stench cloud from one fart clears after like 3 minutes, it is replaced by another one almost immediately.

It was something to do with the fact I dont eat turkey that often, and I think the Soy and Garlic helped create a fusion effect. Add greens for volume, and there you have it.

I tried this twice to make sure it wasnt a mistake… awesome farts.

Anybody else got any good fart recipes?[/quote]

HAHA this is great!!!

The average person has 15-25 episodes (sciency word for farting) a day

My P+F farts smell like death. Thats the one drawback to eating the JB way.


Your problem: malodorous farts

Your solution: The Flatulence Filter

All major credit cards accepted. Operators standing by.

[quote]chinadoll wrote:
There once was this young man who was having dinner at the home of his fiance’s parents, whom he had just met for the first time. Suddenly, he feels the boiling discomfort a gas bubble and a FART coming on. He sees the family dog sitting immediately behind him so he thinks, “If I do it quietly, they might blame it on the dog”, so he lets out just a little bit…fffft

“Spot”! Cried his fiance’s mom. ‘Great’, he thinks, ‘they blamed it on the dog.’

A few moments later, the pains were so bad and he had to pass gas again. Knowing the dog would be to blame, he lets out a loud fart…ffffffttttt!

“Spot”!! Shouts his fiance’s mom. ‘I’m home free’ he thinks, ‘they really think it’s the dog!’ And he has to fart again.

This time, knowing that the dog was to blame, he lets it rip FFFFFFFRRRRTTTT!!!

“SPOT!!! GET OVER HERE QUICK BEFORE HE SHITS ON YOU!!!”[/quote]

Haha!

I was wondering when a Vixen was finally going to chime in on this topic! :wink:

[quote]TeeVee69 wrote:
Your problem: malodorous farts

Your solution: The Flatulence Filter

All major credit cards accepted. Operators standing by.[/quote]

Hahahahaha! Is the filter made out of charcoal, kitty litter or other?

Just a tip - Farts are caused by undigested food being eaten by bacteria in our guts. So our farts are actually their farts.

Their favorite foods are carbohydrates, particularly those that are harder for us to digest, such as the sugars in beans or those in beer. Foods with high sulphur content, such as broccoli or brussel sprouts, just make the farts smell worse.

[quote]Kailash wrote:
Just a tip - Farts are caused by undigested food being eaten by bacteria in our guts. So our farts are actually their farts.

Their favorite foods are carbohydrates, particularly those that are harder for us to digest, such as the sugars in beans or those in beer. Foods with high sulphur content, such as broccoli or brussel sprouts, just make the farts smell worse.[/quote]

i have heard that before but farts are just methane which is made when stuff decomposes…or has it just decomposed and not really been digested yet. I dunno.

[quote]chinadoll wrote:
There once was this young man who was having dinner at the home of his fiance’s parents, whom he had just met for the first time. Suddenly, he feels the boiling discomfort a gas bubble and a FART coming on. He sees the family dog sitting immediately behind him so he thinks, “If I do it quietly, they might blame it on the dog”, so he lets out just a little bit…fffft

“Spot”! Cried his fiance’s mom. ‘Great’, he thinks, ‘they blamed it on the dog.’

A few moments later, the pains were so bad and he had to pass gas again. Knowing the dog would be to blame, he lets out a loud fart…ffffffttttt!

“Spot”!! Shouts his fiance’s mom. ‘I’m home free’ he thinks, ‘they really think it’s the dog!’ And he has to fart again.

This time, knowing that the dog was to blame, he lets it rip FFFFFFFRRRRTTTT!!!

“SPOT!!! GET OVER HERE QUICK BEFORE HE SHITS ON YOU!!!”[/quote]

One of the best lughs I’ve had in years

jsal33

I love this thread !

[quote]lumbernac wrote:
i have heard that before but farts are just methane which is made when stuff decomposes…or has it just decomposed and not really been digested yet. I dunno.[/quote]

What is decomposition? Digestion by another name.

My information is confirmed by Wikipedia “Flatulence, Causes”, including the reference to oligosaccharides:

And concerning sugar alcohols: