First Cycle Log

Right, I’m here doing my first cycle. Before we begin, I’m twenty years old. I am fully aware of the extra risks associated with doing a cycle at my age. While this is my first post, I’m a long time lurker and pretty well educated on training and nutrition. I understand that what I’m doing may/probably looks stupid. I have seen the other threads similar to this, although those people did seem rather uneducated on the matter. Compared to my past, I find anabolic steroids to be a rather safe passtime . I’m not at my natural limit either, however I personally have made this decision myself. Constructive criticism is more than welcome.

Weight: 79kg
Height: 5’9
Starting lifts:
Squat - 140kgx5
Bench - 85kgx5
OHP - 60kgx5
Deadlift - 150kgx5

Weeks 1-12 Test E 500mg/wk
Weeks 1-4 Dianabol 35mg/day

Have arimidex on hand, and also HCG in case of testicular atrophy.

Clomid 50/50/25/25/12.5
Nolva 40/20/20/20/10

Have N2Guard too.#

Should also mention I’m four days in already. Up to 80.5kg (I’m aware this water weight).

You are not special. You’re not a beautiful and unique snowflake. You’re the same decaying organic matter as everything else. We’re all part of the same compost heap. We’re all singing, all dancing crap of the world.


Thanks for the Fight Club quote. Don’t find it relevant to this, though.

You saying “compared to my past” and your username being “12steps” leads me to believe you’re an addict who’s in recovery, right?

Not gonna tell you not to do it, but you shouldn’t. Based on your username and the from your past comment, similar to what flappinit said you are an addict in recovery or were a drug addict. It seems as if you are switching from one vice to another, albeit anabolic steroids aren’t nearly as harmful as other abusable recreational drugs I would tread very carefully if you have an addictive personality.

Constructive criticism? HCG on hand for testicular atrophy… Tesicles will atrophy when you are shut down provided you don’t have like… Klinefelter symdrome, it isn’t a matter of will it happen, it’s a matter of when will it happen. As to nolva/Clomid PCT pick one or the other, preferably nolvadex. Clomiphene has two isomers (it’s kinda a combo of two drugs) zuclomiphene and enclomiphene. I believe Zuclomiphene binds to certain receptors in the brain, acts like an estrogen/has estrogenic activity. The result can be some nasty side effects with regards to mood etc. Use nolvadex

Yeah, I am an addict who’s in recovery. I do appreciate the concern over this from @unreal24278 and @flappinit . The thing is, before I was a drug addict I was a fighter. Drugs basically ruined that for me. Sports were always the one thing that distracted me from drugs - and right now I’m in the best position I’ve ever been in regarding drug use. Clean three months from hard drugs - still some weed time to time.

I can see the potential for abusing steroids. However, I also know that If I put my mind to just doing this cycle and leaving it at that (until I’m way older) I know I can do it. Gym distracts me from my past - anyway, steroids just aren’t comparable in addiction to cocaine. I’m not gonna end up in debt and start selling steroids or robbing people to support my “steroid habit” at any point. I will however be on guard, but I view these more as a tool than an escape (besides I’m going back to University, don’t plan on fucking with my mood/hormones when studying).

Right, thanks for that Unreal. I’ll be sure to use the HCG. I’ll go with Nolva too, would the same doses I have listed above work?

Cycle so far:
On day five. First injection was 750mg on saturday morning (frontloading 750mgs of test week one and two - planned to do 500mg every 3.5 days for first two weeks but I only had a certain amount to spend. I’m waiting on my next paycheck to order more needles so what I have for the moment will have to do). Went fine, although I did notice some pipe and I also made the mistake of piercing my skin twice. Had some swelling but it seems to be calming down (aware if I get a fever I need to get myself to an emergency room ASAP). Glute injections btw.

On day three I got more reps than usual on RDL’s. Nothing else really noticed that day. Day five now, heading off to the gym. Will update on how this workout goes (pull movements). Will also update weight tomorrow, but last I checked I had gained 1.7kg. Started getting the dreaded back pumps at work today, same goes for the shin pumps walking home. Will purchase some taurine once paycheck arrives. Hoping to notice a difference in the weight room today.

As someone who spent a year in AA, I can tell you that saying 'if I put my mind to it I’ll just do it once" doesn’t really show that you’re grasping the concept of ‘letting go’. Maybe @flipcollar , who’s an experienced steroid user with a prior history of drug use (and time in the rooms, if I’m not mistaken) can shed some light on the ‘just one cycle’ idea. Honestly, there might be more people who try heroin once and never do it again than steroids.


Not that your finances are any of my business, but you’re aware that doing this cycle at 20 could lead to you being on TRT for the rest of your life, right? Do you know how expensive that is? If you can’t order more needles and you’re paycheck to paycheck, things could get tough.

I’m not trying to be a dick, and when I hit my mid-30s I may very well delve into AAS myself, but this is a very risky thing you’ve chosen to do, and I very much doubt you’ve told your sponsor about it.

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dude… 3 months is NOT a long time.

I KNOW this isn’t the manner of thinking that is taught in the 12 step programs. It’s precisely the opposite. The whole concept of believing you can stop whenever you want to, don’t have to overdo it, etc, is an essential component of the addictive mind. I hope you’re realizing that.

how do you know that ? you’ve never done steroids, you’re playing a guessing game. a very dangerous one.

this shows how naiive you are about steroids, because what you’re describing here absolutely happens, without question. and you’re joking about it like its farfetched. it isn’t. I can promise you, as someone who spent time in a 12 step program for alcohol and cocaine addiction, that steroid use is not as far removed from those as you think.

correct flappinit. Steroid users, like myself, laugh when people say ‘just one cycle’ or ‘i’ll wait til i’m older to do another one’. You haven’t been there yet, but since you’ve already committed to this cycle, you’ll be there soon enough. You will be in the same head space that every drug addict who ends up going the steroid route finds himself in. The head space I found myself in the first time I ran a cycle. The cycle ends, you’ll run your pct, you’ll think ‘this was great, I’m totally fine not doing another one again’. But the itch comes. gains start to fade. You don’t feel like superman anymore. and you’ll say ‘well I did it once, nothing bad happened. let’s do another cycle’. Because let’s be honest. Once you’ve felt like a God, why would you want to go back to being human?

You’ve underestimated what you’ve gotten yourself into. Just be careful man. This world is a lot rougher than you think it is. It’s not necessarily any better than the one you left behind. The best advice I can give at this point is, you need to make DAMN SURE you don’t go back to coke. Coke and steroids together is a recipe for disaster. You will have a heart attack before you turn 30. Do NOT mix them. I was clean from coke for a full decade before I felt like I could try steroids. And I’m glad I waited that long.


12steps is a name because other ones were taken. I wasn’t crazy about NA and instead went to more secular support groups.

I also know this is very uncommon. I appreciate there is risk involved, but I’d genuinely like to see evidence of this happening from one cycle.

True. I was only really using cocaine regularly for about eight months though. It just dragged me down fast in those eight months. Anyway, this is irrelevant.

For me it’s better than the one I left behind. The last one legitimately almost had me die of a violent death at nineteen years old. I’ve been through drug treatment, I won’t be going back to coke any time soon. Fucked with my head big time, not to mention my wallet.

I’m not being a jerk. Just know that off the bat. But drugs didn’t ruin anything for you. You ruined it for you. Am I right?

You’re really not getting it, which is not surprising given your age. But I’m really trying to convey to you that what you THINK you know about steroids is not correct, and that while in the immediate future, it seems to be a better life than where you were, that’s not necessarily true.

You’re also ignoring the very obvious point that not doing the steroids is a better life than either the cocaine or the steroids.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink. I’m leaving you with that, it doesn’t sound like your ears are open. Don’t die too fast.

Maybe. Depends what you consider “me”. Not even getting philosophical, but there is so much going on when it comes to decisions besides the conscious thought process. I’m to blame for dying these hard drugs in the first place, that’s for sure - despite the warnings I was given about how all my uncles were drug addicts or alcoholics. Sadly it’s not something you can understand until you’ve lived it.

I can see truth in this. I should clarify that I’m making a decision to benefit me in the short term, with hopefully minimal long term effects. Yeah, I could spend years getting to a point but I also want to focus on bodybuilding for a time frame. After that I have other plans - like re-entering fighting.

I’ll ignore the last sentence - no need for comments like that.

My ears are certainly open, however I can understand how it may seem like they aren’t. I’m aware I’m taking risks here. I know shut-down is a risk, but to some extent I’m playing devils advocate. As I’ve said, is there any evidence for this happening after one cycle? How common is it, really? I know anecdotal evidence is flimsy and not to be relied on, but judging from what I’ve read there’s a lot of people out there who do cycles with no PCT, or stay on for a massive amount of time and run in to little or no problems. I’m taking the necessary precautions, bar cycling at a relatively risky age.

absolutely, unequivocally yes, there is evidence of this. The question is not ‘does it happen’, the question is ‘how often and why’. The cases are rarer for younger people, the duration of the cycle affects recovery, and so does which compounds are used. I know one guy who ran deca for 10 weeks, and subsequently essentially couldn’t get an erection for over a year after. I think this was only the second cycle he’d ever run. I know a guy who has been on TRT since he was 19 after running 1 or 2 cycles as a teenager. I never fully recovered from my own first cycle, even though I ran a proper PCT, which is why I’m on TRT now when I’m not running cycles. A lifetime of needles is no joke, man. And unless you have great health insurance, that will mean huge ongoing doctor bills for the rest of your life, or you can rely on the black market forever. Neither is particularly appealing.

Now, as to how common it is, I can’t give you a statistic, because none are available. This isn’t something that gets researched, for obvious reasons.

I don’t think my anecdotes regarding steroid use are exactly flimsy though. Enough anecdotes do add up to statistically relevant numbers.

Even more important, though, I have come across exactly 2 people, in the hundreds I’ve met who use steroids, who only ran 1 cycle and didn’t do another. Those aren’t great odds. You should go into this maybe with the hope that you’ll have the self control to keep it at 1, but not the expectation. Expecting to be an outlier as far as self control and discipline go is foolhardy. Expecting to be an outlier in this regard when you’ve already struggled with drugs is just… I don’t know what to call it.

The only reason I post on here is to give people information that I have found relevant, and to give the advice that I think a younger me should have heard. I compete in a non drug tested sport at a world-class level, so I can tell you that I have met A LOT of people who use steroids, and are pretty willing to be honest and open about their use. This has led me to be able to gain a lot of knowledge most people will never be accumulate. Most of what you read on the internet comes from people with far less first hand knowledge than me.

So in your case, my main goal here is for you to really understand the realities of the world you’re jumping into, and be prepared for it. You spent 8 months of your life doing blow, and you said it almost killed you. You need to be prepared for your steroid journey to be a much longer one than 8 months, particularly if you intend to continue on as a competitive athlete.

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I WIN! TRT since age 17… Wait that’s not something to brag about.

@flipcollar I have a question for you, out of all the people you know who chronically use high doses of AAS, what is the average life expectancy of most of these individuals, would you say many of these individuals have shortened lifespans?

We, and I mean, WE - myself included - have a (likely) genetic predisposition towards a lack of inhibition in most aspects of life. But us being AWARE of that dangerous impulsiveness makes us MORE responsible for our decisions, not LESS. @iron_yuppie is correct. Every bad decision we made was us. A pedophile has a compulsion towards violating underage victims - do they get a break because it is their nature to prey on the young and innocent? Fuuuuuuck no. If I do what I used to do again, with a 3 year old and a 1 year old and a wife and a comfortable job, it is 100% on me and nobody else. You’re not the first newly sober person to hide behind their disease, and to be honest:

You haven’t ever been clean, because you can’t smoke weed and be in a 12 step program.

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I won’t spend much time belaboring a point here since @flipcollar has been doing a great job of trying to make this point to you BUT if you would simply use the search function on this forum you would easily find threads created by guys who are in bad shape (subjectively) as a result of the choice they’ve made to jump on gear. I won’t attempt to tell you what to do in your situation because you’re an adult and will ultimately do whatever the hell you wanna do in the first place.
All I WILL say is that there have been plenty of instances in my life where I wished I would have listened to the people in my life who were looking out for me instead of ‘doing what I wanted’. The people in this thread cautioning you are doing exactly that; refusing their advice may prove to be costly for you in the long run. I hope it doesn’t.

absolutely no way to know. Mainly because of confounding factors. You have a lot of guys out there who have extremely high bodyweights while on steroids (and then when off), and you have a lot of guys who use recreational drugs on top of the steroids. I think those 2 factors contribute to early deaths far more than steroid abuse on its own.

So, we don’t have any actual evidence available to us to suggest that steroid use definitively shortens lifespan. You have guys like Stallone and Schwarzenegger who have used a lot of steroids throughout their lives, and are in pretty good health at their ages. Then you have a guy like Dallas McCarver who, from what I’ve heard, didn’t use recreational drugs. And he wasn’t extraordinarily heavy. And he’s dead.

I can’t back this up scientifically, but my impression is that steroids can absolutely increase the risk of events like heart attacks or other organ failure at an early age. I don’t think many people debate this notion. I do not, however, believe that quality of life as one gets older is necessarily diminished from taking steroids, assuming that the high doses aren’t continued indefinitely. That’s just kind of my nutshell take on it.

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Dallas Mcarver was found to have testosterone levels of 55,000ng/DL in his autospy report. I also believe he had a family history of coronary heart disease, high blood pressure (and possibly hypertrophic cardiomyopathy however I’ll have to look it up). Theres a lot of speculation as to what he was on at the time of death. There’s a cycle being touted as what he was on, it’s easy to find just type in “Dallas Mcarver death cycle” honestly I think the cycle is BS because there is no ways in hell he could afford all that gear, insulin and GH. also the doses are absurd, like a total of 30,000mgs of gear + per week. He probably was on like 7-10 grams of test tho. May he rest in piece

Very nice post my friend. Very nice.

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This whole thread is entirely depressing