T Nation

Finding Test in Iowa


I'm a 33-year-old man in Iowa City, severely underweight: 5'8", 120 lbs. Felt puny all my life. Not good. The heaviest I've been is about 130 lbs, after abt a year of HARD (and sensible) weight training and a shitload of protein shakes. Recent stress, moving etc, and I've lost those 10 lbs. Also, I feel "clinically hypogonadal" even though I'm eugonadal, testosterone mid-low normal range -- but low libido, energy etc. I tried a friend's leftover AndroGel for a few days and immediately perked up. (I've also been gymming 4/time a week, 80 additional gms of protein, creatine, but obviously a VERY hardgainer.)

The docs at UI here won't prescribe. So my question to all you Iowa guys is: where can I get safe, authentic testosterone vials in Iowa, preferably IC? I'm happy to self-administer, I have a lot of medical knowledge.

I'd appreciate any inputs, feedback.



I'm sorry if this comes out kind of mean, but, "Grow some balls!"

You think that after a year of training, the gains of which no longer exist might I add, you're ready to juice? I think not my friend.

If you want to put on some serious weight it will take effort and it will not be fun. You're going to have to work out like a demon and eat like a fat kid in a candy store. I put on thirty pounds of muscle during my first 4 months of training, and it was all through hard work and force feeding.

Okay, now that I'm done ranting, here's my advice on how to go about gaining weight...the legal and non-pussy way.

For your routine, lift lower body twice a week. On both days, do 20 rep breathing squats with your 10 rep max. It is imperative you add weight to the bar every workout. Also, do some RDLs or Stiff Legged deads for your hams. For the upper body, also go 2 days a week. Do whatever, but I'd suggest doing 10x3 for bench press and rows one day, with some assistance work, and 3-4x10 on the other day with extra assistance work.

For eating, read the article Massive Eating, on this site. Find your recommended calories for weight gaining and add another 500 to that. Get at least 1.5-2 grams of protein per pound of bodyweight and drink 1.5-2 gallons of water a day. You'll feel sick from eating so much, but you'll gain weight.
So, that's the plan, plain and simple. But if you follow it, I guarantee weight gain like you've never seen before. And a note, if you're not gasping for air and seeing stars at the end of your set of 20 rep squats, then you're not going heavy enough.

Now go and do some hard work before asking about Test, you'll thank me later.



There's a guy named Pete who lives on the south side of town. You can find him at a dive bar named Ted's. All you have to do is say the secret phrase: "anything goes when it comes to hos," and he'll show you to a backroom where Pete will be ready to take your order. Pete will probably suggest you buy at least five 20cc vials of test suspension and 1000 thai dianabols which you will use to go on one of Pete's special 4-week "blitz cycles."


Can you tell me where this place is exactly? Can't seem to find it online or in the directory.


LOL. I think Bench is yanking yer chain Qwerty.

Leave the AAss for the moment. I can guarantee that you don't eat enough, that your training regime is shit and that, by your own admission, you're stressed and probably not getting enough sleep. You need to address these issues first before you even consider AAss.

AAss are not a panacea for all your ills. Get your life sorted and I guarantee that it'll make all the difference.

Train hard.



You're f'n kidding right? Holy smokes man, you gotta listen to the really good advice that's already been given. No one here is going to hook you up and if they offer to hook you up they are probably a scammer.

This site is free and full of programs from some of the industry's best. Read, learn, lift and eat.