T Nation

Fights at Work and Friends at Work.

There is a guy at work that I regularly get into fights with.

I started with this company a year ago and this guy verbally abused me daily until our first big fight at the Christmas Party last year. I hate this guy so much. (Yes, he reminds me of my father, and I feel bad for his kids)

Today when we were fighting, he says that I should have called him on his cell phone regarding the item we were fighting about. He was upset that as a friend that I did not call him.

My response. Friends? We have never been friends.

So, the question.

Do you consider yourself friends with people at work? How do you deal with people that think they are your friend, but they make you physically sick to be around?

I need to go hit something.

stick it in his pooper.

[quote]nomorewar wrote:
stick it in his pooper.[/quote]

Gold.

OP,

Work is called work for a reason. Stop worrying about making friends and just do your job. If the environment sucks, leave.

Or, as nomorewar so eloquently stated, use more direct forms of communication.

I’d probably leave. It sounds like you can’t or won’t have a good working relationship with this individual which will only cause you to be miserable. Unless you are making millions, get out. Not worth it in my opinion.

[quote]lighting_guy wrote:
There is a guy at work that I regularly get into fights with.

I started with this company a year ago and this guy verbally abused me daily until our first big fight at the Christmas Party last year. I hate this guy so much. (Yes, he reminds me of my father, and I feel bad for his kids)

Today when we were fighting, he says that I should have called him on his cell phone regarding the item we were fighting about. He was upset that as a friend that I did not call him.

My response. Friends? We have never been friends.

So, the question.

Do you consider yourself friends with people at work? How do you deal with people that think they are your friend, but they make you physically sick to be around?

I need to go hit something.[/quote]

Personally, I like to have a friendly relationship with my coworkers. My manager and I are friends. But when it come to work issues, there is a line drawn. Work is professional and being friends is personal. There has to be boundaries separating these two, or else it will cause a lot of problems in the workplace.

A friend doesn’t make me feel ill. Period. Why does he think he’s your friend?

[quote]imhungry wrote:
Why does he think he’s your friend?[/quote]

I worked with his wife several years ago, and I got along with his wife. His wife is a saint for putting up with him.

The business is small. A lot of us come from theater backgrounds which is also a small community. So everyone knows someone that knows you.

The frustrating thing is that I left my last job because of people like this guy. At the last job, there were more of them and they were usually drug or high on the job. At least here there is only one.

Is it really possible to work somewhere and not have one person that you do not get along with?

[quote]lighting_guy wrote:
imhungry wrote:
Why does he think he’s your friend?

I worked with his wife several years ago, and I got along with his wife. His wife is a saint for putting up with him.

The business is small. A lot of us come from theater backgrounds which is also a small community. So everyone knows someone that knows you.

The frustrating thing is that I left my last job because of people like this guy. At the last job, there were more of them and they were usually drug or high on the job. At least here there is only one.

Is it really possible to work somewhere and not have one person that you do not get along with?

[/quote]

Good luck dude. I do some freelance live audio tech work every now and again and dealing with theater people is hell defined. Everything is life or death with them. I actually had a grown ass man damn near in tears over a monitor problem that I would correct the day of the show but he insisted on going crazy anyway(I actually bent over backwards for this prick and borrowed some gear from a friend for FREE and he never even thanked me when he was too damn cheap to rent out gear rather than use the house system).

I have a buddy who does pro lighting and the stories he has are just beyond insane.

[quote]analog_kid wrote:
Good luck dude. I do some freelance live audio tech work every now and again and dealing with theater people is hell defined. Everything is life or death with them. I actually had a grown ass man damn near in tears over a monitor problem that I would correct the day of the show but he insisted on going crazy anyway(I actually bent over backwards for this prick and borrowed some gear from a friend for FREE and he never even thanked me when he was too damn cheap to rent out gear rather than use the house system).

I have a buddy who does pro lighting and the stories he has are just beyond insane.

[/quote]
I was a film major and had to work with a lot of drama students. Those people suck.

[quote]lighting_guy wrote:
imhungry wrote:
Why does he think he’s your friend?

.

Is it really possible to work somewhere and not have one person that you do not get along with?

[/quote]

NO.

Diamondcut him.

Here’s my take. No. It is not possible to go somewhere and get along with everybody all of the time.

Depending on the demands, I may spend a minimum of 8 to a maximum of 18 hours a day with the same people for an extended period of time. Shit is going to happen.

Between getting there, doing the deed, and getting home, minus other activities and her own job, I spend more time at work and with the people there than I do with my wife.

In a competative environment with a major drive to produce, there is going to be friction. You just can’t let it keep you from making a living.

You’ll never get along with everyone at work. You need to do what it takes to fix it. I almost went to jail twice because of one particular guy. But we ended up okay after that. I’m not saying beat everyone up, but some people need to be lined out. Jumping from job to job isn’t the cure.

He can’t bother you if he’s dead…just saying.

^^^Truth

Let me share a story of mine similar to yours.

My so called friend name M, we were working together. He doesnt like to work and fool around always. I am the one doing much of the work.

He would act very nice in front of me, joke and act normal. But behind my bad he would talk bad about me, lots of nonsense that are not true at all! I had confronted him once about it, he would deny and deny and seek sympathy from me. Making me believe that he was innocent and making me feel sympathy for him telling me i am his only friend.

After i forgave him, he had once again done it again. He continues to do the same.

I really feel sick about him. I confronted him again and he told me the same old shit, deny deny deny. Some people can be forgiven but some cant. I decided to ignore this person forever. Forgiving him makes me get hurt over losing trust again and again.

Sometimes, forgive and forget is not really possible. The more i forgive, the more i get hurt.

just my two cents

[quote]imhungry wrote:
lighting_guy wrote:
imhungry wrote:
Why does he think he’s your friend?

.

Is it really possible to work somewhere and not have one person that you do not get along with?

NO.
[/quote]

Yes, it is possible. In most of my jobs, I’ve gotten along with everyone. A couple of jobs there were one or two people that I didn’t get along with.

A lot of it depends on the people you work with and a lot of it depends on you. If you’re a prick, then the answer is no, you probably never will work anyplace where you can get along with everyone. If you’re a generally likeable person and have a good attitude, people will generally like you.

I treat everyone at my office the same, whether its the mailroom guy, the security guy, the head boss or intermediate bosses. If you take the time to actually talk to people and find out things about them, you can always have a smile and something to talk about.

If you treat certain people as if dealing with them is a chore, they will pick up on it and tend to not like you.

Am I liked by everyone? The odds are against it, since there are about 120 people in my office, but I haven’t seen any outward signs of it. There are professional disagreements a lot of times and sometimes they get heated.

But in my office, we are able to distinguish between professional differences and personal differences. The people who can’t do this haven’t stayed around very long and have left on their own.

And yes, I do have friends in my office too.

DB

[quote]imhungry wrote:
lighting_guy wrote:
imhungry wrote:
Why does he think he’s your friend?

.

Is it really possible to work somewhere and not have one person that you do not get along with?

NO.
[/quote]

While I suppose this could be possible, the fact that you didn’t get along with people in your previous job either is an indication that you are at least partially to blame for the friction.

If you work for a company long enough, there will be someone who comes through that you don’t get along with.

things I’ve learned:
Don’t take it personally, be careful who you talk to about it, and be as diplomatic as possible.
given time, these things will sort themselves out, in my experience.
good luck.