One of my ex’s (longest relationship, first love, ect. ect) is still my friend. The thing is she considers me her best friend and to be honest I don’t really think of her like that. I want to see her happy, don’t wish bad things on her (despite that she totally broke my heart). We still keep in contact and hooked up for the first time since we broke up, like 4-5 years, ago over the summer. She came around throwing her ass all up in my face telling me how hot I looked and how much she wanted to fuck, I’m the best she’s ever had, has it gotten any bigger. In other words all the key things to get a guy in the sack (plus she paid for dinner/drinks/and drove). Well obviously, this didn’t work for long and she got hurt. In a way I probably (subconciously) did this to get back at her.
I told her how it’s gonna be and she begrudingly accepted it. In fact she’s even gotten as cool as to try to hook me up with one of her friends. She wasn’t happy when I suggested it at first but eventually warmed up to it and in turn wants me to get her some action from some of my boys. SOO I think things are cool.
Her health has always been an issue crhon’s, ibs, borderline personalites, just to name a few things. Most recently she has been having problems with her ovaries. She just told me today that she has to go in for surgery fairly soon. Obviously she’s scared and nervous. She asked me if I’d watch a movie with her because “she wants somebody to cuddle with that she loves”. I’m quite conflicted here on several levels. She’s told me she loves me many times and when I get pissy about it she says that it’s not like that kind of love, it’s friendship. As a guy who has very few female friends and NO close relationships with females that aren’t sexual (except my mother, grandmother’s, whom I’m real tight with) I don’t really know how to handle this. I want to be strong and stand by her like a real man should but at the same time I’m afraid that might lead her on and keep her trapped in the notion (that I think she still hasn’t let go of) that I’m in love with her.
Furthermore, I’m really starting to become interested in this girl in my psych classes ( simply gorgeous, sweet, gentle, kindhearted). Things aren’t even remotely serious yet but I’m starting to get the idea that if I keep things moving the way they’ve been it will be real nice. That in mind, is it remotely acceptable to explain (if I have to and no I won’t lie, don’t even curse in front of her) that I have to be there for my ex girl in this situation.
Typing it out the answer seems soo obvious. I should be there for my ex, strictly as a friend. It’s just I don’t know what to do about this feeling of guilt I have when I know that somebody values me soo much and it’s not reciprocal.