T Nation

Feedback on This Letter I Wrote?

Cliffs on the situation:

-Last year I committed to a huge/risk job (commission-only investment sales for an offshore bank) amid circumstances that were unduly stressful (a bad seasonal flareup of rheumatoid arthritis took a wrecking ball to my morale).
-I second guessed the decision and wavered at the last minute. Boss revoked offer (amicably).
-I’m writing to ask for another stab at it.

I’m not asking whether you personally would re-hire me. I just need feedback on the quality of the letter. Re-reading it now, it seems too negative and long-winded to me.

Dear Mark,

I hope this letter finds you well. I am contacting you to re-explore the possibility of working for **** ******* Bank.

As you well know, I was unable to fulfill my commitment to you last year. It has been an immense regret, and I deeply apologize for wasting your time. Not that reasoning matters much, but I can offer that I did have a worrisome health issue, which I kept to myself, that weighed heavily on my mind and contributed to my uncertainty. I know you donâ??t have time to deal with anyone whose commitment is in doubt, and your withdrawing the offer was the professional thing to do.

As I look back with 20/20 hindsight, the question of my health was not serious enough to prevent me from taking the job. The truth is my own fear lead to me not following through on my commitment. The total sum of the circumstances of the positionâ??relocating alone to a strange place for a risky job when I was already feeling trepidâ??led me to lie awake many nights questioning whether I was making the â??rightâ?? decision. What should have been an adventure turned into a troubling game of â??what ifâ?¦â??

Call it a young manâ??s insecurities more than anything.

In terms of employment, I still possess the attributes you originally hired me for: a passionate belief in ******'s message, a thorough understanding of his investment strategy; and the ability to promote it. The sales training I received is still very fresh in my mind, and my confidence in my ability to sell is better than ever. However, what likely matters most to you is that I am completely over any uncertainty. I also realize I may have already blown the opportunity of a lifetime. What happened was a humbling experience, but I have learned from it.

Please let me know if you have any interest in discussing this matter further. And thank you for taking the time to read this letter.

With Warm Regards,