When I want some lip from you I’ll rattle my zipper.
(Dempsey & Makepeace reference):
“Life is hard and then you die”…
On weather: “Hotter than a wolf pussy out there!”
On taking it easy at work: “I’m just having a nice, long, slow jerk” (pantomime hand going up and down shaft)
Really, though, I’m fairly quick with comebacks, and I shoot to kill. This has occasionally (actually, quite often) gotten me into trouble.
I’m carrying some boxes at work and as I pass by a friend, I say to her, “Abs of STEEL”. She scoffs and says “abs of FAT”. I put my boxes down and say; “Well, my abs are pretty strong, from doing all those crunches with your mother sitting on my chest.”
Dead. Silence. You could have heard a mouse fart.
She looks at me and says: “You take things way too far.” STILL pissed off at me about that one.
Colder than a grandmother’s teat.
When someone looks pissed off - “Who shit in your Captain Crunch?”
Doing/saying something that will likely yield no result - “Like hollering up a dead horses arse”
‘Sweating more than a blind lesbian in a fish shop’ or ‘Sweating like a paedophile in playschool’
sweatin like a whore in church.
tighter than a 12 year old
[quote]silverblood wrote:
“This is more fun than group sex with small reptiles”![/quote]
Implying that you’re only equipped to satisfy SMALL reptiles…
Me, I make Komodo dragons walk funny for a few days.
There’s nothing wrong with a lil bit of fraternal butt loving.
Breath that could knock a buzzard off a shit wagon.
The project came off like a prom dress.
I’d hit it like the fist of an angry God. (heard that one here).
That went over like a fart in church.
This seems about as organized as a pack of monkey’s having a shit fight at the zoo.
Kicks more ass than a pissed off donkey.
(Upon eating something delicious) “Oh my God…it’s like an orgasm in my mouth…but it tastes better.”
Suck mah balls.
Urban dictionary:
1)
In replacment with the phrases
A)“I told you so”
B) “I dont care”
C) “of course”
D) in juxtapositioning with “i dunno!”
E) “suck my penis”
F)“I love you”
G)“Is it time to eat yet?”
H)“Where’s the car?”
I)in frustration and/or excitment!
J)or in agreement
A) Jim : Damn that bitch was a hoe!
Fred: Suck mah Balls!
B) Jim : Youre gonna fail the test man.
Fred: ah the test could suck mah balls.
C) (knock on Freds door)
Fred: Who’s there?
Jim : Dis dick!
Fred: Suck Mah Balls
D) Jim : dood wheres mah car
Fred: I dunno, suck mah balls
E) Fred: Hey Jim
Jim : what?
Fred: Suck mah balls!
F) Jim : Hey Fred Suck mah balls!
Fred: Suck mah balls too man…suck mah balls (tear)
G) Fred: ey Suck mah balls?
Jim : in a bit.
H) Jim : ey Suck mah balls?
Fred: i dunno, suck mah balls
I) Fred: I lost your Quake 4 man sorry
Jim : SUCK MAH BALLS! you better get that shit back its only $30 now!
Fred: SUCK MAH BALLS! Sweet!
J) Jim : Hey i heard you got to level 33 the other day
Fred: yea pretty tough!
Jim : Suck mah balls.
If it cold say: That would freeze the balls of a brass monkey
Start every sentence with… so i was balls deep in this dude when…
It’s a real attention grabber.
[quote]StephenD wrote:
If it cold say: That would freeze the balls of a brass monkey[/quote]
Its cold as a witches tit.
Oh yeah, and suck mah balls.
when referring to an attractive girl
“She’s breakable.”
“Breakable?”
“Yeah, I’d break her over like a double barreled shotgun and put two loads in her.”
for when someone does something rather gay.
“So, I see you’re a big fan of Heath Ledger.”
[quote]elano wrote:
StephenD wrote:
If it cold say: That would freeze the balls of a brass monkey
Its cold as a witches tit.
Oh yeah, and suck mah balls.[/quote]
My uncle always said colder than a well diggers ass.
I wouldn’t touch her with a 10 foot pole. Suck mah balls.
That’s Mr. twenty four karot asshole!
Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed.
[quote]Makavali wrote:
aussie101 wrote:
in Oz the quote goes like this
‘if there’s grass on the wicket its time to play cricket’
LOL, I used to say that a lot.[/quote]
I don’t doubt it.
How about -
Old enough to open the cookie jar…