T Nation

Favorite Personal (Sick) Sayings

What do you say to people to get their attention or warp their minds? I know you’ve got some after reading some of these posts.
one of mine

“This is more fun than group sex with small reptiles”!-when they pause and look at you say-“Unless it’s cold, then they just stiffen up and lay there…like my first wife”!

I make a lot of AIDS jokes.

Great. Story.

let’s go to the cemetery and dig us up a party

If theirs grass on the field, go out and play :wink:

Scene: In the car on the way to the bar

ME: Oh shit I forgot my knife back at the house.

FRIEND: What? Your knife?

ME: Yea, I always get laid when I bring my knife

So, has anybody here ever had sex with a random guy?

to no: Would you like to?

to yes: Would you like to add one to the list?

Yeah, that’ll go over like a turd in a punchbowl.

…happier 'n a two peckered puppy.

…luckier 'n an outhouse rat.

These are my personal favorites I heard growing up in my podunk hick town in the middle of nowhere, Iowa.

[quote]elano wrote:
If theirs grass on the field, go out and play ;-)[/quote]

…if there’s not, flip it over and play in the dirt?

[quote]duece wrote:
elano wrote:
If theirs grass on the field, go out and play :wink:

…if there’s not, flip it over and play in the dirt?[/quote]

(BARFS)

Boom! There goes the dynamite.

… and Robert’s you father’s brother.

Upon seeing an ugly woman, I wouldn’t bang her with your dick!

[quote]Makavali wrote:
duece wrote:
elano wrote:
If theirs grass on the field, go out and play :wink:

…if there’s not, flip it over and play in the dirt?

(BARFS)[/quote]

in Oz the quote goes like this

‘if there’s grass on the wicket its time to play cricket’

[quote]aussie101 wrote:
in Oz the quote goes like this

‘if there’s grass on the wicket its time to play cricket’[/quote]

LOL, I used to say that a lot.

[quote]streamline wrote:
Upon seeing an ugly woman, I wouldn’t bang her with your dick![/quote]

When someone would say that to me I’d reply with “thanks, you’re obviously a good friend.”

[quote]WxHerk wrote:
streamline wrote:
Upon seeing an ugly woman, I wouldn’t bang her with your dick!

When someone would say that to me I’d reply with “thanks, you’re obviously a good friend.”
[/quote]

Always thinking of my buddies.

Not sick or twisted, just funny. one of my female friends loves this retort…

“My mouth isn’t open like this to emulate a blow-up doll for you, just so you know… just mocking shock.”

her demolishing drunk come-ons with that line is so priceless, I can’t even describe it. Bewildered, lost, hurt, and ego shattered all in one.

“You’ve got a better chance of seeing the virgin Mary than you do fucking that girl…”

  • college buddy

“Go eat a fuckin’ meatball”

  • old rich Italian family friend

I have better ones that just aren’t coming to me right now…