Happy is the one who takes your babies and smashes them against the rocks! Psalm 137:9
Dead flies make a perfumer’s oil stink, so a little foolishness is weightier than wisdom and honor.
“Better to live alone in a tumbledown shack than to share a mansion with a nagging spouse.” Proverbs 21:9
“Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun- all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun.”
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
Malachi 2:3 (King James Version):
Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces, even the dung of your solemn feasts; and one shall take you away with it.
Deuteronomy 25:11-12 (New International Version):
If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.
2 Kings 2:23-24 (The Message):
23Another time, Elisha was on his way to Bethel and some little kids came out from the town and taunted him, “What’s up, old baldhead! Out of our way, skinhead!”
24 Elisha turned, took one look at them, and cursed them in the name of GOD. Two bears charged out of the underbrush and knocked them about, ripping them limb from limb–forty-two children in all!
1 Samuel 25:22 (King James Version):
So and more also do God unto the enemies of David, if I leave of all that pertain to him by the morning light any that pisseth against the wall.
“Judge for yourselves: Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered? Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair it is a disgrace to him, but that if a woman has long hair, it is her glory? For her hair is given to her as a covering.” (1 Corinthians 11:13-15)
“One of illegitimate birth shall not enter the congregation of the Lord.” (Deuteronomy 23:2)
“Slaves, obey your human masters with fear and trembling, in the sincerity of your heart, as to Christ.”
“Slaves, obey your human masters in everything; don’t work only while being watched, in order to please men, but work wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord.” (Colassians 3:22)
“Slaves are to be submissive to their masters in everything, and to be well-pleasing, not talking back .” (Titus 2:9)
"Slaves, submit yourselves to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the cruel. " (1 Peter 2:18)
The LORD said to me, "Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another and is an adultress. Love her as the LORD loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes. Hosea 3:1
“I hope you will put up with a little of my foolishness; but you are already doing that.” II Corinthians 11:1
Are these real?
I might have to read this book; I knew it was funny, but these are just brilliant!