T Nation

Family Sabotaging My Progress


#1

Wasn't sure where to post this, but I have spent alot of time working on shedding fat and trying to build muscle. I was at 280 lbs, at 6'1 and was pretty uncomfortable. Im now down to 225, but still skinny-fat. Problem is, initially my mother, who has struggled with weight her whole life told me recently that she thinks I have lost enough weight. I 100% disagree. She was initially very supportive and encouraging, but now I feel as though my family is subtly telling me they want me to stop.

My father, who trains to maintain general fitness (he has a bit of a gut, as he enjoys his beer) also told me that he doesnt think that I need to bulk up with too much muscle. I said I was talking about Running back muscle, not Arnold muscle and he said he still thinks its unnecessary.

Are they jealous? Insecure? or just plain ignorant?

It wouldn't be much of an issue if I didnt still live with them and have to hear about it all the time.


#2

It's your life, live it how YOU want to.

Most people make comments like that out of jealousy, as they attempt to hold others back sand prevent them from achieving what they cannot.


#3

IGNORE THEM.
Just smile and nod and then do what you want.


#4

Couldnt have said it better!


#5

I totally agree, and thats what I plan to do. It's just extremely surprising because when I started, they were really supportive. Its odd that they are doing this, and I wonder if they even realize it, as my mom is currently at the grocery store, buying me healthy produce and chicken breasts for me to take back to college with me.

Initially I was on my families ass to try and get fit with me, but since I have started, everyone in my family has gotten worse and worse about their eating. We all have the same doctor, who is also my moms cousin, and the two of us have been making a concerted effort to get my family to try and cut the junk food out etc, but no one will listen. Not to a concerned son and brother, and not to a concerned health professional and family member. It wouldnt be so bad if they werent enabling my 14 year old brother to gain what to my relatively inexperienced eye, can't be less than 60 pounds in the same time I lost about 65.


#6

Dude, my parents still ask me why I want to be this big....after buying the magazines when I was in high school. I've done this half my life now and they still can't accept it. That whole generation (I would include anyone who graduated high school before maybe the late 80's) seems to think anything bigger than very average is abnormal and deadly. It is hard wired into them. Very few seem to be able to see past it.

n other words, yes, they are trying to hold you back and NO, you will not change their mind. Either move out and live your own life or accept that it will happen from now on. That's life. I have no desire to look "normal" and some people can't handle that.

If you have parents who support you in this, enjoy it. Everyone doesn't have that and I would venture to say that most don't.


#7

I remember my grandmother getting freaked out by how big I was getting (haha). I couldn't have been happier about the reaction.


#8

I don't know if its a symptom of their time. My grandparents are thrilled, and they decided they were going to get healthy too. Pop-pop has lost nearly as much weight as I have and our doctor says with all the reduction in his health issues, he has lengthened his life by as much as ten years.

I doubt I can change my parents habits, but they are projecting their bad habits and misinformed ideas onto my brother and sister. My brother is setting himself up for the same problems I had in high school and that is the last thing I want to see.

Edit: Its to a point where, I see my brother eating for two hours at a time, I point something out about how unhealthy it is, and give him alternative snack ideas, and he replies "mom and dad eat like this." and resumes eating.


#9

I understand your concern about your siblings.
I suggest maintaining as strong a personal relationship with them as you can. Continue to be open and honest with them about what is working for you. Set a good example. When they are ready they will know who to turn to.


#10

Definitely what I plan on doing in regards to my siblings. It wasn't always like this though. for some reason, in the last two or three years, my mom has gotten really lazy in her parenting, relying on takeout and processed stouffers casseroles and such rather than taking twenty minutes to prepare a good meal for my family. I often cook for them when I am home, but I can't figure out what changed.


#11

I'd be concerned about that too if I were you. How old is your mom? It could be menopause... or maybe depression. Have you talked to her about it? Non acccusatory just generally "hey mom, you haven't seemed like yourself lately are you okay? How are you doing?" Do you have any Aunts or Uncles you could talk to about this?


#12

She's 45. I doubt its menopause because she had a hysterectomy. I know she suffers from depression and has for many years. She stays pretty well aware of the condition, but I don't think it is as well managed as she thinks it is. She has the overriding symptoms, but as someone who also deals with depression, she doesnt have the secondary issues, like overeating and lack of motivation under control at all.

She had lap-band surgery, and yet finds ways to eat around it which makes me extremely disappointed.
This concerns me more than anything because of how close I am with my family, and by the fact that I am starting to find myself ashamed of them.


#13

I would try to have a heart to heart with her. Do not talk about the eating the lap band or her weight. Just tell her that she has seemed more depressed for XYZ amount of time. Tell her you love her, are concerned, and want her to be happier again. Ask her if she'd be willing to talk to her doctor about her symtoms and see if there is something he can help her with to feel better.

Its the depression of course. Don't be ashamed. She is just a sick person see if you can help her.


#14

I'll try that. I've tried before, and she tends to get defensive, but maybe i'm going about it the wrong way. Thanks, your advice is rational and much appreciated.


#15

Stick it in there poopers? Or is this the wrong forum....


#16

It doesn't sound like they are sabotaging your progress as much as you're trying to push your new found religion on them. You may be right but that doesn't make you right :wink:

Worry about yourself and if you make a fine example, others will follow.


#17

I had to deal with a similar(albeit MUCH less severe) situation with my miniature brother. It really just took time. I would always try to get him to workout with me, and I'd cook him good food, and try to dissuade him from eating the shittier stuff. He used to do nothing but sit on his ass. Now he loves to squat and sprint. Having them able to watch you transform from a lump of shit, to a semi-polished turd really seemed to help.


#18

Awesome!


#19

Your avatar, two thumbs up.


#20

Sometimes what happens is everyone is excited for the person making changes, they celebrate the weight loss....but deep down inside they assume you will fail and/or go back to your old ways. It makes people uncomfortable about themselves when someone in the mix makes positive changes. Try to ignore it and smile and nod, as stated above. They'll get used to it eventually and stop commenting.