I’ve always been a person who’s logical. Everything needs to have an A,B, and C. Steps and Processes. All that Jazz.
I am a firm Beilever in God, not by any book or any research, but by experience and just spending time thinking about it.
I went to church with my parents often as a child. As I got older, my parents explained that what I believe in should resonate within me. There’s plenty of people who go to church and play the part, and are venomous and cruel as soon as Monday rolls around.
For a long time the message I would get from church was that I’m a sinner, I’ll always be a sinner, I have to repent, I have to, have to, have to, always be sorry, always be weary of all the mistakes I’ve made. My good works should be done all the time to atone for me just being born into sin. Fire and Brimstone, yada yada yada…the way God seemed in my Head was frightening. Like he was angry at me. And there was nothing I could do about it.
Recently my family and I found a church that has completely brought Biblical teachings, and teachings in Faith into simple view. Just from doing my own reading, and looking up dates and timelines, I’ve come to realize that typical Baptist teachings that are everywhere, are misinforming. And it’s misinforming enough to the point where it’s doing the exact opposite of its intentions.
Come to find out, God isn’t mad at me. He’s not looking at my faults, or anything. He’s looking at the Jesus in me. I realized Praying, and having Faith, is a lifelong process. All these teaching about Judgment and this and that, and Trying to show ourselves worthy through good works, wasn’t meant for us. (When I say us, I’m referring to the timeline we currently live in. Versus the teaching of people in the Old Testament) The Standards and expectations set were for that past time. Before the New Testament. They couldn’t live up to it then, how exactly are we to live up to them now. The notion of Grace is repeatedly mentioned in the Mew Testament, and it’s what I’ve noticed has been missing in a lot of teaching. Unwarranted favor. Grace. No one did anything to deserve anything, but it’s given anyways.
And I like how that looks when I apply it to my own life. No one has done anything to deserve my kindness, or patience, or understanding. So? Give it to them anyways. I haven’t deserved the same from others. And that’s what I believe in as well. I’m under Grace, and just by deciding to believe I’ll stay in Grace. I still cuss, I’m still angry for no reason and I’ve done equally just not good stuff in my life, but that’s the whole jist of Grace. It’s completely unwarranted. I did nothing to deserve it. And in that, it makes me want to do better. For me, it makes sense to strive to do better, not squander it or take it in vain, regardless of how many times I fall flat on my face. I don’t have to walk around loathing the thought of trying to live up to a biblical expectation, when I never had to.
All the other stuff follows. Being kind, being obedient, patient, being aware and attentive, tending to my emotions and my spiritual well being, etc.
Right now I’m reading the Book called “Watchman Nee”. It explains a lot of internal questions, I think a lot of people, including myself have had, concerning the plan God had as described in the Bible and how it relates to humanity.
I believe in Relationship. Not Religion. I wish I knew more people like that. But I’ll take what I can get.
I’m still very big on Science, Fine Arts, Philosophy. I find that a lot of Earth’s design, Reality, Cosmic Forces, and everything else seen and unseen, follow a pattern in accordance to what I believe. I often feel like I can’t relate to many people. On one hand the folks of Science and the Scholarly people kind of scoff at me when I mention my beliefs. On the other the Believers look at me like ion a traitor for marveling in the Sciences, and being an avid supporter of it.
But to really answer your question, it happened one day I was just looking around at a bunch of stuff. Started thinking about Ontological stuff, and I started pondering all the things that have happened in my life, and all that goes on in my own head, and just thinking about Humanity in general. And all the beautiful and wonderful things that exist, even the Universe, as chaotic as it seems, it’s designed so brilliantly. So Brilliantly to the point where I wondered, how random is this? Everything from the red dot on Jupiter, to how the human eye has complex systems of rods and cones arranged in just the right manner to where we can see colors and depth and shapes. And I just thought that none of this random. I’m not here as just a measley spec. While I am small, I’m still important.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bashing anything or anyone. Evolution makes sense to me, but I just don’t see it as an oringinal catalyst, I see it as bits and pieces of a continuing process.
I do realize there’s a lot of questions about believing in God. The Bible. You know. And I myself have questions, and I’ve just set out to ask them. I’ve always been told to never question anything, but I do have questions. I don’t wish to ask questions to feed my doubt, but more to keep pressing forward regardless of how my mind is trying to cop out. Which is why I like Psalm 34:8. Its one of my favorite verses. It gives a sense of comfort. More of. Spiritual comfort than anything else. I’ve had to step outside of myself and be okay with stuff not having a specific A,B, and C path. I’ve come to rather like it.
I know there’s going to hardships and everything that comes with being human, but that’s okay. This journey of hope is one that I’ve decided to stick with. I think just like deciding to embark on a path of lifting, they’re similar. All the bumps and bruises along the way, fortify who I am in what I Believe.
Sorry to type a giant page. Hopefully what I’ve said makes sense, but that’s all coming from me personally and what I think and feel.
Thanks for chiming. It’s nice to blather about stuff lol