[quote]pushmepullme wrote:
PonceDeLeon wrote:
pushmepullme wrote:
My husband, about three minutes ago:
“If you want sex tonight, you’re going to have to get me drunk first.”
FML.
YOUR husband, or was that on the site?
My real, honest to goodness husband. He says he is too distracted by FML to attend to my needs.[/quote]
That would be ‘tend to my needs,’ but your grammatical slip ups are adorable and we will attribute them to your sexual frustrations so you get a free pass, you know, like finding a Ghiradelli mint on your pillow when you first check into a room?
Today, my friend’s son asked me how much coke costs in this place. I told him “about a dollar?” He said “wow, that’s really cheap for blow.” He’s 10. FML
Today, I got in line at the grocery store. The woman in front of me looked right at me, turned to her friend, and said “That reminds me, I forgot to get acne cream.”
Today, I asked the girl I like if she wanted to go to the movies, she said yes and I said I’d let her pick the movie. She picked the movie, “Just Friends”. FML
[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
That would be ‘tend to my needs,’ but your grammatical slip ups are adorable and we will attribute them to your sexual frustrations so you get a free pass, you know, like finding a Ghiradelli mint on your pillow when you first check into a room?
“Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room…my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML”
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
“Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her exiting her room…my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML”[/quote]
I was about to post this one. lol.
I would have been like WTF!!! if that happened to me.
"Today, my boyfriend was tapping on my thigh to the beat of the music when we were driving to dinner. When I asked him what he was doing he replied, “Just watching the ripples.” "
Today, I found some porn videos in my parents room. I put them in and began to toss off, but as the camera moved up I realized it was my mom and my step-dad. FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed “Yes Brittany!” at the top of his lungs. My name’s not Brittany. That’s his sister. FML
“Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML”
[quote]RSGZ wrote:
“Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML”
Today, I fell down the stairs twice. I fell from the top, stopped in the middle, stood up, stepped down one more step, tripped, and fell down the rest of the stairs. FML
Today, I tried to suck my own penis. Autofellatio. My mother walked in on me and I flipped backwards off the bed. ER and 10 stiches above my eyebrow later, I asked her not to ever bring it up again. FML
“Today, I got up at 5am, brushed my teeth, shaved and showered to get ready for work only to step barefoot in a huge pile of dog crap in the middle of my living room floor. I don’t own a dog. FML”
