T Nation

F**k My Life!

Tons of (tragic) laughs here.

http://www.fmylife.com/

This one was awesome: “Today, I sent my best friend Mike the link to a porn site we were talking about at a party. Turns out the name ?Mom? is right next to ?Mike? in my contacts list.”

haha great find IronDwarf

Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and accidentally called her Brad (one of my roomates name) when I came. Now her and her friends think i’m gay and my roomate Brad moved out. FML

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

Today, I decided to send my boyfriend a pic text of me naked. I accidently sent it to my dad and got a text back saying “You definitely take after your mom”

There are so many bad ways to take that. Was her mom sending naked pics to her boyfriend? ha

Today, I was driving and stopped behind a person at a stop sign. Their car didn’t move for about 1 minute. I got out of my car yelling at the person. It was an old woman. She wasn’t breathing. FML

“Today, it was the first time I ever saw a vagina in person. It was during medical school training on how to do a pelvic exam. FML”

somehow, I feel like this guy posts in SAMA.

Haha, I heard Danny Bonnaduce reading through some of these a week ago, had callers calling in too.

Today, I went on a first date with an Egyptian/Cuban sorority girl. I asked her what language she was brought up speaking. She said that her mom spoke to her in Spanish, but that she only ever replied in English. I said, “Oh, kinda like Chewbacca and Han Solo?”

This one actually made me choke.

Thanks Iron Dwarf for making me substantially less productive this morning :slight_smile:

[quote]hardgnr wrote:
haha great find IronDwarf

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

[/quote]

hahahhahhahhahahahhaha

Today, I asked my boyfriend to have sex. He told me he would rather play ps3. FML

Too close…

[quote]pushmepullme wrote:
Today, I asked my boyfriend to have sex. He told me he would rather play ps3. FML

Too close…[/quote]

Ooooof. That rock band, she’s a dangerous mistress to allow into the house, tell you what.

Damn. There’s that many virgins there?

Today, I was eating ice cream and I noticed some on my jeans so I wiped it off with my finger and licked it. It was bird shit. FML

I laughed hard.

This site is great.

Today, my 4 year old niece ask me why I didn’t have a job or wife. FML

Great … Thanks ID … another bermuda triangle of a time suck … fuck me I’m never getting ahead in life …

Today, though I’m normally unperturbed by my single-ness, I walked by some squirrels engaged in mating rituals and felt a pang of jealousy.

This one belongs on some of the threads in SAMA … hahaha

My husband, about three minutes ago:

“If you want sex tonight, you’re going to have to get me drunk first.”

FML.

[quote]pushmepullme wrote:
My husband, about three minutes ago:

“If you want sex tonight, you’re going to have to get me drunk first.”

FML.[/quote]

YOUR husband, or was that on the site?

:slight_smile:

Today, while my 4 year old nephew was hugging me, he stepped back and declared, “Auntie, my Pee-do is hard, but it will go away.” FML


Haha!

[quote]PonceDeLeon wrote:
pushmepullme wrote:
My husband, about three minutes ago:

“If you want sex tonight, you’re going to have to get me drunk first.”

FML.

YOUR husband, or was that on the site?

:)[/quote]

My real, honest to goodness husband. He says he is too distracted by FML to tend to my needs.