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Ex-Gf Left Me, "Still Loves Me." Help?

#1

I dated this girl for about 1.5 years. She was the best gf I’ve ever had. We did so much together in that 1.5 years. My family loved her and her family loved me. It was honestly the perfect relationship tbh! Yeah we argued from time to time, but overall just a fantastic time.

Now, about the last month or so of our relationship she started to act a little “off” nothing crazy, but noticeable. Then a few days after my bday she decided to move out and then break up with me.

I’m completely devastated. It’s been about to two weeks since the break up, I’ve spoke to her a handful of times. She keeps telling me
“I need space”
“I want to be alone rn”
“I don’t want to be together right now, but maybe in the future”
“I still love and care about you”

All this is messing with me mentally. I’m use to a big argument and a big F**k you! But I still want to be with her. She said something about being friends for right now, but I don’t think that’ll help anything.

What do you suggest guys? Any stories similar to this?

#2

Stop talking with her.

6 Likes
#3

Cut ties and move on! Easier said than done obviously but doing anything other than that is just going to extend your suffering.

#4

I’d recommend listening to Queens of the Stone Age’s song “You Can’t Quit Me, Baby” on repeat for a day or two in a dark, secluded room until it “clicks” (you’ll know what I mean).

For real, leave her alone. Move on with your life. Get a new hobby to focus on and improve yourself with. The best thing you can do is to live a good life full of self improvement. If she doesn’t want to be with you, so be it. Nothing you can do about it. Mourn your loss and move on. There’s nothing more pitiful than excessive mourning. Break ups aren’t the end of the world - so don’t make it such.

2 Likes
#5

Yes to all of the above, and the other benefit to cutting contact and doing things that improve you is that it’s the only way there will ever be any possibility of this relationship coming back together. If you chase her in any manner, she will run and it will be over forever.

Being the best version of yourself offers a win/win: either she eventually looks over and sees that you ARE what she wants, or you’ve set yourself up for happiness going forward without her.

Do not contact her. Give her the space she’s asked for. It’s the old “how can I miss you if you won’t go away?”

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#6

Cut ties. Tell her, you wanted space – I’m giving it to you.

Then stop drinking, eat really well, work out like a mad man. Don’t go out and party.

Get into your job.

She’ll come crawling back, and you can decide if you bother.

If she doesn’t come back, so much the better.

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#7

How long do you think is enough time to think she’s not coming back?

#8

The day she broke up with me I went no contact. Lasted a week and just had to tell her how I felt. I left it with her saying basically “you contact me when your ready.” I feel good doing that but the only downside is she has some items at my house still, nothing major but yet it’s still hers. I really would like to try and make this work. Her mom texted me saying she hopes it works out too

#9

Her stuff at your place is for her to worry about, not you. Let her ask you for it.

This ^ is what you should focus on. Don’t worry about how much time has passed, either she’ll show up or you’ll have moved on if you do the above. I’m not a big country music fan, but Keith Urban’s “You’ll Think of Me” is nice:

Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories, I don’t need 'em
Take your space and all your reasons
But you’ll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I’ll feel a whole lot better
But you’ll think of me, you’ll think of me

1 Like
#10

If and when she comes to get her things, do I continue no contact after? Do I act like I don’t care when I see her?

#11

In the long run, nothing good can come out of getting back with your ex.

Excellent. Keep it up.

Send stuff over or have someone bring it to her.

Dude, I know I’m just some random guy on the internet but my completely unqualified opinion is that one shouldn’t date a person that says these two lines at the same time?

What is she waiting for? To run out of options and come back to her backup (i.e. you) when the biological clock starts ticking?

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#12

Yes.

Be nice, polite, but cold. If you feel like being a dick, reschedule on her once, very apologetically, because you are busy.

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#13

To see if the dude she is banging will work out like she hopes.

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#14

2 seconds after she said she wanted to break up…

Clearly you don’t if you’re in here looking for advice…advice is to move on.

Doesn’t matter. She seemingly doesn’t. Give her time and space and move on. Don’t pine for the might’ve beens … you had a great relationship that ended. Be glad you have a positive relationship under your belt. Don’t fall into the trap of comparing future relationships to this one. Different people. Different personalities.

Her mom needs to butt out.

best move is to pack her shit up in a box and drop it off on her doorstep and move on. Text her saying “I left your stuff in a box on your doorstep.” and that is all you say. If she wants to talk to you, she’ll talk to you.

QFT

1 Like
#15

I can’t dispute that this is a possibility, but holy shit are you cynical.

It could be any number of things, including an attraction that she’s not acting on but which has caught her off-guard.

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#16

You’re all cynical!

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#17

No, experienced.

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#18

What’s cynical about advising this young man to respect the wishes of his ex?

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#19

I prefer to be called realistic. In seriousness, there are a limited number of things possibly going on, none of them good:

  1. She’s banging another guy and hoping it will work out;
  2. She’s not emotionally stable/secure or otherwise screwed up;
  3. This is some sort of shit-test, where she hopes to gain the upper hand in the relationship, long-term, by getting him to beg her to come back; or
  4. She’s not into him.

Regardless, the answer to 1-4 is to cut ties.

If someone says they want to be free, push his or her ass out the door.

5 Likes
#20

Shit, that’s worse. I can almost forgive a girl for screwing up a relationship because she’s getting some amazing pipe.

But to screw up a relationship because of the possibility of amazing pipe?!

Meh!

1 Like