T Nation

ever puke up a

i’m overcoming bulimia (shrink, prozac, the whole nine) and was wondering if anybody else has dealt, or is dealing, with the same thing. oh, and fyi, i’m male, thin (5’10" - 150, 8%) and am trying to overcome my fear of fatness and put on some muscle. it is hard though as i equate a full belly with a whole host of terrible things.

if anybody else rides the phsyique transformation waves in the same boat as me, keep your head up. all of us with psycho-personality disorders can make it through, and be tough t-mofos simultaneously.

thanks for listening.

Right on! I do not have any sort of disorder as such but I battled my way through chronic depression to get where I am. I’m never depressed anymore! I don’t even need medication. So, though I don’t know you, I’m proud of you. Keep it up! Also, as a bodybuilding friend of mine asked someone once, “What happens if you don’t eat?” (long pause while no one answers) “You die.”

Brother, I know how hard this can be. I have a good friend who I just got back into training after he dealt with both anorexia and bulimia. The important thing to keep in mind is that you are worth the effort and that eating is not what will make you fat. You say that you equate a full belly with a whole host of terrible things. Well, you need to know that you are smart enough to realize that this type of thinking is not based on any reality. If you’re posting on T-mag, then you already know that it’s true that as a guy weighing 150, you’re going to have to have a full belly every few hours of good, clean food. You’ll eventually come to realize that confidence is the key factor in your goals and that once you are able to recognize and understand that you’re capable of being where you need to be, you’ll be successful. Good luck!

Hey, T-Bro. This is a pretty sensitive subject and one that’s very difficult to deal with. A couple years ago, myself and a few other T-Men were discussing this same thing, as we were/are afflicted by this psychological malfunction. I’ll be happy to share more with you, bro, but for now I’m a little strapped on time, so I’m going to have to cut short.

Keep ya head, up, kid, and it’s gonna be all good. I shall tell you this: When you surround yourself with Positive-Minded, Goal-Oriented Individuals (i.e. yo’ T-Mofos), you will be Successful. No Diggity, No Doubt.

When I was in high school, I was extremely unpopular, and stressed about everything. Watching tv and eating was easier then dealing with people. When I got chubby, (I can’t say I was ever real fat, but was soft with a belly,) people began making fun of me, and started calling me fat. When I tried to act like it was just good-natured fun, and referred to one of the people who made fun of me as short, everyone got real pissed at me for being so mean.

One of the first things I did to try to lose the fat was to start skipping meals. The results were that I made my mental condition worse by lack of nutrition, and I gained weight. Plus there was a store on the way home where I would stop and pick up candy. The hunger at that point was just too much to handle. This made me feel week and stupid, and I resolved to try harder and skip more meals if I could. At one point I realized I was being foolish and quit skipping meals. Things improved for me after that.

It was years later before I realized how I was affected mentally. I came close to sticking my finger down my throat, but never went through with it. I sometimes wonder if this might have cost me an inch or two in height.

For me, the best help has been knowledge, and NLP. I realize a lot of people either think it is quackery, or think a lot of the people into it are just nut cases. The first statement is wrong. Unfortunately the second one is sometimes true. Plus there are people who don’t understand it who try to use it and consider themselves an expert after reading one book, or others who might try something, do it wrong, and decide it does not work. I was surprised at how well it worked for me. It did for my brain what Testosterone magazine has done for my body.

My personal opinions are that happy pills (like Prozac) are to quickly prescribed. I too often see people who are not happy just given a pill, and I think it is like taking steroids during the first week a person ever works out. It should be one of the last things a doctor tries, not the first. Sometimes it is as simple as learning what triggers a thought, or feeling, and interrupting that process. An example is when my daughter starts getting upset, and I start humming a circus tune. She cant stop smiling, or laughing. And it takes her out of her upset state.

With anorexia and bulimia I think the pattern of behavior begins with a foolish idea of skipping a meal. The human body is designed to assume this skipped meal might mean famine, and starts giving a warning by increasing hunger. The person then either gives in and overeats causing an extreme feeling of guilt, or learns to ignore the hunger. If a person can learn to ignore the hunger, then the person ends up anorexic because food is no longer important. But if a person just cannot ignore that hunger, too often they feel so guilty that the quick fix of purging seems like a good answer. After a person purges (barfs, pukes, vomits) often the guilt goes with it. A person quickly connects the act of vomiting with feeling better. At that point it may no longer be about getting thin, but becomes about feeling better. Pavlov figured this out years ago. (Who’s salivating out there?)

Too often the problems start in school, and the school is of no help whatsoever. A teacher recently told my daughter that women cannot build muscle without taking hormones. I told her he was an idiot. (Which she got a big kick out of.) Then there is the story on 20/20of high school girls getting gastric bypass to lose weight. One of the girls said she was too heavy to exercise.

Once again I got too heavy winded. (And I have been so good recently.) One of the great things about this web site is that it deals with improving ourselves physically in an intelligent way.

I absolutely agree from experiance that they too often perscribe a pill. Let me tell you, I have looked for the chemical answer before, when I was young experimenting. That cost me some time, but not much thank god. From what I can tell you those pills they give you are stronger than almost every street psychadelic availible now. If you think “acid” is going to alter your personality think about what one of those pills will do when you have to take it every day. That is why I did it the hard way… I took prozac for 9 months. When I finally got sick of it I dropped it flat out. Believe me this is a very hard and possibly dangerous thing to do. There were times when I thought I wasn’t going to be able to control any of my normal behavior anymore. I practically crushed myself in my own pressure. And I learned to hate the thing that was holding me back, the drug. I slowly got over it. But I was still depressed… then one day, my body took over. My mind was left in the back seat and I started playing basketball, snowboarding, and working out a little. I got very serious about it, pretty much obsessed for a while. Now I just listen to my gut and do what I know is natural. I never get depressed now and am healthier than I have ever been before. I am changeing into someone even better than I expected and hope to live a very, very long time!

Hey there! It is so good to know that you’re not alone sometimes! I fought anorexia/ Bulimia along with depression at it’s worst fom when I was ten until I was 18. I’m 23 now and I still battle with my eating to some degree, it’s a hard process to get my head around the idea that eating the right foods will ‘Help’ me achieve the body I want and not get FAT. My trigger was the fact that I was a gymnast and because I had a little more muscle. I was told constantly I was too ‘Big’. I was training all day at gymnastics schools and skipping meals. I would also frequently swallow packs of laxatives. Without going into it all, I did the whole pills and therapy stuff too. I still suffer bad bouts of depression. I don’t know what it was, but I feel that after all the years of starving and self-destruction something died in me, emotionally. It all took it’s toll. Now with revamping my life, setting goals for myself and no longer involved in Gymnastics to the degree as before, I am slowly starting to come together. Mentally it takes so much strength to survive this, you now owe it to yourself and your body to feed it, build it and create that beautifull work of art it should be. Good Luck!