I have no idea where to start on what’s been going on.
I’m gonna bring up the last instance concerning my mom and the rough patch we hit. I kept thinking about what else had been bothering her, because there’s something else that’s the root problem…and I got my answer. Albeit an intense one.
Started yesterday. Yada, yada, my brothers pregnant girlfriend wanted my mom to host the baby shower, despite her being semi-unstable within herself anyways. Not to mention my mom tried to help them numerous times ever since my brother met her, and all they’ve given my mom is an ungrateful attitude.
The baby shower was a complete disaster. Complete fucking disaster. All my mom was doing was trying to help. Chanel’s (brothers girlfriend), side of the family doesn’t know us that well, so my mom had us playing games that no one really knew how to play. My mom wasn’t trying to make them feel stupid or anything, and I don’t think they felt she was trying to do that. It wasn’t even about the games, my mom just wanted everyone to come together and celebrate a new life coming into the picture.
However…this bitch of a girlfriend that my brother impregnated, managed to create some blown out proportion that caused a few people including my brother to feel like my mom was trying to purposefully get under everyone’s skin. And my mom, being the confrontational woman she is, wanted to clear the air. She apologized, but let the remainder of us sitting in the living room that she is who she is. No one is trying to change anyone, and the goal is to love and help one another.
We break off into smaller groups. Me and my stepdad are sitting in the living room talking about whatever. You know…just cooling it.
My mom and my brother and his girlfriend must have been outside. My mom must have been trying to explain to my brother that at the end of the day, she’s still our mother and she wants what’s best for us. Sometimes she can be a bit irritating, but I realize some people grow up missing BOTH parents. So I know my mom tells me these things because she gives a damn. She’s not trying to intrude, or assert herself, and even if she is seeming assertive, she’s been through this already. She’s just looking out for her kids so we don’t step in the same shit.
Next thing I know, my brother kicks open the back door, and is screaming at the top of his lungs, “EVERYBODY GET THE FUCK OUT! GET OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!”
I come outside and my mom is in tears. Whatever the hell my brother said to her really broke her. She started crying to the point where she was shaking and couldn’t drive. So I told her I’d get us home. The whole way there she’s just just repeatedly crying. “Mearra I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.”
She was apologizing about the divorce (even though my dad was the one that messed up the marriage anyways), she was apologizing about all the times where money was hard, the arguing, and all the times we moved, and some other deeper, personal issues I won’t elaborate on for privacy sake.
I kept telling her that she doesn’t have to apologize to me. When she was working two jobs, and it was just me and her, I was so proud of her for kicking ass as a single mother. And I accepted all her apologies. Some kids never get an apology from their parents. Espeacially when they deserve an apology.
The death of her mother, is still something that’s fresh with my mom. All the shit my stepdad puts my mom through, and mom having to cope with all of this.
Fuck the petty arguments we’ve had lately, fuck the money issues, (because My mom told me last night about Jack. He’s my stepdad, and he is the root problem of all this concerning monetary issues. I’ve been blaming my mom the whole time. Yes, she spends extra when she shouldn’t, or spends some money on things she does not need, and it’s usually stuff that gets sorted out when everyone’s checks rotate back around, but He takes all of the money he and my mom makes and fucks it off. Not just a 100$ here and there, no. Like 3 or 4 grand worth of money. No wonder my mom is needing some extra help from me and Kelby. I kept on wondering where the hell the money was going. I feel for my mom now because she’s just trying to hold everything together and it’s falling apart. I couldn’t figure it out for the longest. My mom had just been trying to cover for him. And exhausts everything she has to pay for everything), and fuck me trying to be nice anymore. My mom is trying to give my stepdad a chance. She really loves him, but he’s struck out. I went this morning to check on her and my stepdad must’ve been kicked out, because I didn’t see him or any of his stuff.
I still respect my stepdad, but now that I know what the hell has been going on, I’m livid. Directly towards him.
But that’s not what I’m the most upset about…no.
My fucking sad excuse of a brother. He’s the straw that made my mom break completely down. And for what? Because he doesn’t want my mom trying to help him? Fuck outta here with that childish shit. I’ve been holding my tounge. Because he’s been giving my parents grief for YEARS.
I haven’t slept since yesterday morning, and my brother and stepdad have until tonight to either apologize, or get out (well Jack did the getting out part), because while I am kind hearted in nature, I do a have that ugly, ignorant, belligerent switch that I can switch completely on. My mom is doing the best she can. I’m slightly upset that she hasn’t been telling me these things she’s been struggling with concerning my stepdad, but I do understand at the same time.
I’ve NEVER seen my mom like how I saw her last night. Whatever my brother said to her, whatever it was, it just brought up everything all at once for my mom. It’s about noon at the moment, and she hasn’t come out of her room, she hasn’t spoken, and she’s just laying in bed. And I’m furious that’s these two fucks have caused her to get to this point.
I’ll fuck some shit up over my mom, because she’s gone to the moon and back for me and my brother. She’s not perfect, but she breaks her back over her kids, and my brother pretty much just shit all over that truth.
I kind of went into defense mode last night and I don’t want anyone around my mom. She needs a shit ton of time to herself and to stop giving so damn much to people who couldn’t care less. I’m glad she realizes this. I don’t mind if it’s just her, Kelby, and myself until we move and whatnot. I don’t mind that at all. She will get all the help she needs, because she’s helped us out, and she genuinely loves Kelby. And my husband loves my mom too. I just wanna make sure she’s okay before we move out. And after we move I will be patrolling my moms house like hell. I don’t want anyone near her.
I’m trying not to get this angry with my brother. I prayed so hard over it last night, but it’s bubbling and boiling over, and my brother fucked up because of all the people you don’t want upset with you, it would be me. He has a tendency to sober up and realize what he’s done, but it’s too late. Waaaay too late. My brother called me this morning, and I don’t think I’ve ever cussed and called someone so hard out their name like I did with him. I’m pretty sure I never have because I kind of scared myself. I don’t like getting like this, but I damn sure don’t ever want to see my mom like this ever again, and I will see to it that she doesn’t.
Great
