T Nation

Engulfed in Thoughts


I sit here unable to sleep, unable to shut down my mind. Countless thoughts engulf me. Some might use this as a moment viable for introspection, a moment that enables the beholder the possibility of an epiphany. I yield neither. I merely lay on my cot, unable to bring closure to not a single thought. Anger strikes, then helplessness as I realize I am unable to slay the dragon battering my mind. So many thoughts flood in. The process is almost mechanical in its perversity.

I succumb, and huddle down at the edge of my cot and allow it to run its course. I snicker at the scene. I resemble a scene out of those exaggerated Animal ads, depicting a behemoth of a man unable to cope with society. Oh the thoughts. With what randomness they appear. Itâ??s as if someone had upturned a file cabinet and spilled its contents from a summit. All of them cascading down to the floor with no set path. I behold fond memories of prosperous times. Times full of excess and carefree acquisition of debt.

I see the man spearheading the operation, proud and becoming fat due to said times. I then witness his gradual decline, as the ground underneath us is proven to be false. It concludes by structure finally tumbling down. I see many faces. Many men that have helped shape me. Of those many, only one remains a constant and I cherish and respect greatly. Of those many, only one brings my blood to a boil. Heâ??s a vile, porcine individual that his most violent and horrific demise would only bring happiness to my tattered soul.

My mind runs wild fabricating possible scenarios that would yield the desirable outcome. I shake my head in an attempt at skipping that track and proceed to the kitchen as its time to eat again. Feed it and it will grow. I stare at my forearm as I hold the shaker which contains my next meal and realize where Iâ??ve been and where I am heading. Out of all past chaos, my only constant, the one thing that cannot be taken from me, still stands and functions. 200lbs is truly 200lbs no matter what.

I sit and try to focus on breaking down the complexity of the contents in the shaker in an effort to throw the process of beat. I fail miserably as quickly I realize itâ??s only water, oats, and the refined and overpriced byproduct of cheese making. I finish the mess and sit back on the edge of my cot. Resuming the overwhelming process. Itâ??s almost 3AM, one more hour and I can escape into my training. It is another process and set of thought patterns so powerful that it overcomes any white noise invading my mind.

I lie down and focus on the task ahead. â??Traps,â?? I say to myself. Very heavy, and they require every ounce of raw power available to drive a couple hundred lbs in motion. Quickly, that very thought begins overpowering the chaos. Like when a punishing rain slowly seizes. Exercises, weights, equipment needed, every single detail comes into focus and begins embracing me. The chaos in my mind is finally quelled.


Get some ZMA, you’ll sleep like a baby.


Sweet!! I’ll just read this post on those nights when I can’t sleep!!!

Thanks GB!!


I probably slept 20 minutes last night. It was fuckin’ hardcorez.


[quote]Growing_Boy wrote:

bunch of emo crap


dude you seem so cool in the BOI what the fuck happened man?


Uber ghey.

Thanks, AnimalPak.


Dang. When I can’t sleep I play Half Life 2. belches


[quote]stringer wrote:
Growing_Boy wrote:

bunch of emo crap

dude you seem so cool in the BOI what the fuck happened man?


You seem cool? Dude…


[quote]Growing_Boy wrote:
You seem cool? Dude…

Was this HM’s pickup line?