Elite FTS Comedy

Off Topic
1

Some of the quotes over at Elite FTS are comedy gold.

Here is the instruction for Tate Curls:

"Care to develop eye popping biceps? Do you want to turn heads at the beach or when wearing your favorite extra-medium silk shirt? Do what Dave Tate does and curl that undeniable sex appeal towards you with Tate Curls. Choke a mini-band around the top of a power rack and grasp the other end in your hand (make sure you are wearing some sort of gloves to avoid callouses). Using super strict and super slow form, curl the band and really FEEL your biceps exploding. Make sure you have a sugar daddy that pays you to stand in front of his friends and pose in lycra trunks that show off your well developed glutes.

Sorry Dave,
Jim Wendler"

So, what are some of your favorite quotes from T-Nation, EFTS, WSB…etc?

PS I expect a Prof. X quote within 5 minutes.

2

I’m not exactly why, but when DB said “you’re obviously not the sharpest tool in the six pack.” I lost it.

3

Jim Wendlers’ “Advanced Lifter” series is pure gold. Dave Tate’s bloging about food is as good as it gets. I would not read these forums if X didn’t post.

4

[quote]CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Jim Wendlers’ “Advanced Lifter” series is pure gold. Dave Tate’s bloging about food is as good as it gets. I would not read these forums if X didn’t post. [/quote]

I agree. Tate’s story on how to eat Oreos is a classic.

5

[quote]malonetd wrote:
CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Jim Wendlers’ “Advanced Lifter” series is pure gold. Dave Tate’s bloging about food is as good as it gets. I would not read these forums if X didn’t post.

I agree. Tate’s story on how to eat Oreos is a classic.[/quote]

Links?

6

[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
malonetd wrote:
CaliforniaLaw wrote:
Jim Wendlers’ “Advanced Lifter” series is pure gold. Dave Tate’s bloging about food is as good as it gets. I would not read these forums if X didn’t post.

I agree. Tate’s story on how to eat Oreos is a classic.

Links?[/quote]

http://asp.elitefts.com/qa/default.asp?qid=48738&tid=

7

What the experts are saying:

“1107lbs…If I would have squatted only 107lbs more, I would have been immortalized on a t-shirt. I should have tried harder.” - Jim Wendler

“What a great way to show the world that you love wearing images of grown men on your t-shirts. Very metro.” - Dave Tate

“It takes a big man to wear a shirt of a big man.” - Bob Youngs

“Cut the sleeves off and I’ll wear anything.” - Buddy Morris

"This is a great shirt to wear underneath another shirt, to make you look bigger. - Joe Defranco

“I don’t wear shirts.” - Jason Ferruggia

http://www.flexcart.com/members/elitefts/default.asp?m=PD&cid=309&pid=1565

The Wendler one killed me.

8

Wendler cracks me up…

4/24/2007 3:26:13 PM - Yoke Man For Jim “Gym Etiquette” Wendler:

Is is acceptable to do Azz 2 Grazz squats in Under Armour if one has an Enormous Yoke?

Yoke man,
You better have a massive yoke.

You can do full, Olympic squats no matter your yoke size.

But there is NO excuse for that kind of language. I don’t give a sh*t who you are.

And God said, Let there be Traps…and most of you lost out,
Jim Wendler

9

[quote]malonetd wrote:
I agree. Tate’s story on how to eat Oreos is a classic.[/quote]

Holy shit. I still have that pretty much committed to memory.

"Your face is bloated and looks like dread,
but your arms are JACKED,
you can’t shave your head.

Eating in class once lead to after school detention,
but a must this was to gain water retention. "

It was nearly underwear replacement time the first time I read that.

10

Wendler is always classic:
http://asp.elitefts.com/qa/default.asp?qid=43571&tid=102

Bring on the Slayer.

11

Quit tucking it between your legs and let it swing,
Jim Wendler

12

Dave shares his secrets to monster calves:
www.elitefts.com/documents/c3_alpha.htm

Dave’s secrets for jacked forearms:
www.elitefts.com/documents/forearm_jack_program.htm