Dungeons and Dragons People

Worst thread ever…and I’ll follow that up with the worst post ever.

And I know a few D&D players on here who could explain the game to you. I could too, but I’m not crazy.

For my friend, Vader.

True Story…

DM: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?

DM: (Pause) It’s white, Eric.

ERIC: How far away is it?

DM: About fifty yards.

ERIC: How big is it?

DM: (Pause) It’s about thirty feet across, fifteen feet high, with a pointed top.

ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.

DM: It’s not good, Eric. It’s a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.

DM: It won’t answer. It’s a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

DM: No, Eric, it’s a gazebo!

ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?

DM: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

ERIC: (Pause) Wasn’t it wounded?

DM: Of course not, Eric! It’s a gazebo!

ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus three arrow!

DM: It’s a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don’t know why anybody would even try. It’s a *)@#! gazebo!

ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.

DM: (Thoroughly frustrated) It’s too late. You’ve woken up the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.

Here, to make up for the last post’s complete nerdiness…

Okay…okay…I played…back in Middle School…and a VERY little bit in freshman year HS…and I played with my kids a little about 5 years ago…it’s not that D&D is inherently gay…it just attracts complete losers…so…I always believed if you could find 4 or 5 other cool people (subjective here) that wanted to play, it would be a lot of fun…unfortunately, cool people hang out and play texas hold 'em or something like that…

anyway…about 4 years ago, I played D&D all by myself after She Say and the kids would go to sleep…don’t tell anyone cool about this…I would randomly generate dungeons and monsters and treasure…there wasn’t a lot of role-playing…just dice rolling mainly…my ‘game’ lasted about a week and I had 4 characters all at 7th level…I had to quit because I was a little freaked out that I was enjoying it so much…

I used to be hooked on a computer game based on it back in HS but I never got into playing it in a group as you describe. Guess I don’t have enough of an imagination.

shrug

[quote]Aragorn wrote:
True Story…

DM: You see a well groomed garden. In the middle, on a small hill, you see a gazebo.

ERIC: A gazebo? What color is it?

DM: (Pause) It’s white, Eric.

ERIC: How far away is it?

DM: About fifty yards.

ERIC: How big is it?

DM: (Pause) It’s about thirty feet across, fifteen feet high, with a pointed top.

ERIC: I use my sword to detect good on it.

DM: It’s not good, Eric. It’s a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I call out to it.

DM: It won’t answer. It’s a gazebo!

ERIC: (Pause) I sheathe my sword and draw my bow and arrows. Does it respond in any way?

DM: No, Eric, it’s a gazebo!

ERIC: I shoot it with my bow (roll to hit). What happened?

DM: There is now a gazebo with an arrow sticking out of it.

ERIC: (Pause) Wasn’t it wounded?

DM: Of course not, Eric! It’s a gazebo!

ERIC: (Whimper) But that was a plus three arrow!

DM: It’s a gazebo, Eric, a gazebo! If you really want to try to destroy it, you could try to chop it with an axe, I suppose, or you could try to burn it, but I don’t know why anybody would even try. It’s a *)@#! gazebo!

ERIC: (Long pause. He has no axe or fire spells.) I run away.

DM: (Thoroughly frustrated) It’s too late. You’ve woken up the gazebo, and it catches you and eats you.[/quote]

LOL I think I’m the only one who understands this enough to laugh at it.

Do one about the deck of many things. There’s a time where I was talking smack to everyone and the DM brought in a Tarrasque.

[quote]WolBarret wrote:
LOL I think I’m the only one who understands this enough to laugh at it.

Do one about the deck of many things. There’s a time where I was talking smack to everyone and the DM brought in a Tarrasque.[/quote]

I understand enough…just too depressing…I’d spend days, weeks working up a new dungeon…the first encounter would inevitably go something like this:

DM (me): The room is about 20 by 20, there’s a few barrels on the North side and a door on the left. Nothing else appears to be in the room.

Scott: I check the room for naked female elves.

DM: You don’t find any.

Scott: I check again.

DM: You still don’t find any. Hey…does anyone besides Scott want to do anything?

(Silence)

Scott: I keep checking for naked female elves until I find one and then have sex with her.

DM: Roll a 20 sided.

Scott: 20

DM: You don’t find any…ever…there’s none here…honest.

Scott: I rolled a 20…there must be at least one.

DM: Okay…um…you find a naked female elf.

Scott: I have sex with her.

DM: She doesn’t want to.

Scott: I move slower.

DM: Okay…what are you doing.

Scott: I tell her my name.

DM: Okay…

Scott: What does she say.

DM: Nothing.

Scott: I have sex with her.

DM: Okay. Great. you have sex with her. Was it good?

Scott: No. But I’m too sleepy to continue at the moment. I take a nap by the barrels.

DM: You guys wanna do something else?

All: Sure.

[quote]WolBarret wrote:
Aragorn wrote:

LOL I think I’m the only one who understands this enough to laugh at it.

Do one about the deck of many things. There’s a time where I was talking smack to everyone and the DM brought in a Tarrasque.[/quote]

No, (un)fortunately I get it too. And on the Tarrasque topic, I did not initially read the description of that monster because the picture made it look about a foot high. I din’t realize till much later that it could eat towns.

I used to play in middle school. It was fun times, but I was total geek (and fatass) then.

D&D can be fun with the right people and a good game, but I never really got back into it. I got too into RPGs on the computer/playstation in high school to continue playing something that required more thought.

Great story, Sen Say. I’ll sum up how I summoned a Tarrasque.

I was agitated that a group of Paladins could detect our necro and his skeleton army, but the they didn’t detect the evil cleric and his skeleton army.(The guy was late to the game, so the DM let him off the hook).

The necro teleported away while our 2 warriors and the remaining skeleton army attacked everyone in sight including us. I was still rolling to see if I could wake up, even though there’s a battle going on 20 yards from me. (My rolls are TERRIBLE)

I wake up, the battle is over, the Evil cleric shows up finally and sneaks up behind me with his 30 skeleton army. I run away(I’m a Monk). I find my two warrior teammates and the paladins who captured them, I point them toward the evil cleric. I run to watch the fight and I run DIRECTLY into the Cleric. Apparently, he was undetected but I run into him. I run away again and this is when I start dropping F bombings and calling out the Tarrasque.

5 minutes later, the ground shakes and boom, Tarrasque. He’s eating the forest and he happens to run in my direction. I have to roll for dex and stamina to see if I can keep running full speed and not bust my ass. I pull it off. I catch up to my 2 warrior teammates who are riding horses. I jumped onto the horse, kicked my teammate off and killed him. I basically rolled a 20 on my hit and rolled a 15 on the repeat roll. I killed his ass.

I stole the horse, kept riding, and the Tarrasque ate him. That campaign ended with the Tarrasque being a mile or two behind me as I ride my way into town. Plus, our Necromancer send a Dragon to help kill us.

We’re not good teammates.

Another situation where my rolls are terrible:

I rolled a 1 while attempted to punch a imp who was tied up on the ground. I knocked myself out. A few weeks later, I rolled to hit my teammate, rolled a one, and basically kicked myself in the face and broke my own jaw. I botch a lot in fights.

[quote]GhorigTheBeefy wrote:
“Are there any bits of trash or metal I can break up and put into the goblins’ shoes while they are asleep?” “DM Hey look it’s Ghorig the Half-Orc McGuyver. Hey everyone we got to add 30 mins of calculations on so Ghorig can put shit in goblin shoes.”
[/quote]

that is the funniest shit ever. i had to leave my desk at work and go into the kitchen because i was laughing so much.

I’ve been playing D&D since 1983. Don’t plan on stopping. Say what you will, but there’s nothing wrong with getting together with friends and laughing your asses off, and the night not having anything to do with drugs or alcohol.

And, though I am a dork by some people’s standards, I still got plenty of pussy while I was young (thanks to being a rockstar, not the D&D) and now I have a great paying job and a wife (who doesn’t care that I like RP games).

In fact, I just ordered the books for the latest edition of D&D and I plan on having some fun.

For same strange reason someone who plays role playing video games is not half as dorky as the board games.

I don’t understand it, although I do perceive people who play role playing video games to have way to much time on their hands.

I would love to teach jenky how to play after I’ve taught myself.

Can’t believe no one has posted this yet.

I second the idea that the game is not inherently gay. Just 95% of the people who play it are douchey.

[quote]HotCarl28 wrote:

Can’t believe no one has posted this yet.

I second the idea that the game is not inherently gay. Just 95% of the people who play it are douchey.[/quote]

Indeed. I’ve met some really fudged up people for whom this game is the only potential social contact they’ll ever get. With games like Evercrack and D&D Online, these people must be even more sad. I could never get into the computer versions, especially the MMOs where you have to pay each month to keep playing. Screw that. However, the Conan MMO is so damn tempting . . .

Yeah! The UPS guy just dropped off my new D&D books as I was writing this post. Now I’ll never get any work done . . . gotta look through the artwork at least once today . . .

I played D&D in middle school, but pretty soon after that graduated to Rifts (palladium), Werewolf (white wolf), then Shadowrun (FASA) and then back to Werewolf (Because shadowrun is so friggin complicated… JESUS!).

I’m waiting for a shadowrun MMORPG. I would probably quit school. And life. But it’d be worth it.

I wanted to play D&D when I was younger, but I was too dorky to be allowed to join.

My 20 year old son is currently a dungeonmaster for a group of six art students. A very creative, fun group of kids. Besides D&D, they’re all working on a group-effort graphic novel, and they’re also into LARPing (live action role playing; in other words, whacking each other around with home-made weapons.)

[quote]adamhum wrote:
For same strange reason someone who plays role playing video games is not half as dorky as the board games.

I don’t understand it, although I do perceive people who play role playing video games to have way to much time on their hands.

I would love to teach jenky how to play after I’ve taught myself.[/quote]

That’s 'cause you can shoot the shit out of stuff and blow up innocent peoples, and have sex with hookers for life and then beat them up for money, and kill mobsters and cops, and bunnies and flowers, all whilst no one really cares or notices…

visual effects are hot and make players horny, I like playing with my joystick, err, controller, mostly because I still can’t reach down to blow on my dice…come on lucky 7…or something like that.

I have at least $500 in rulebooks in my basement- never played all that much either.