I am really trying to get past all of this guys. I know in my heart it is just excuses but, this summer has been… uh… I don’t even know how to describe it. I will try to keep it short as possible.
In March I made an appointment at the dentist to address some dental issues. The first visits went okay, despite my irrational fears of the entire medical community.
Between the second and third visit my sister was diagnosed with stage 4 colon cancer. My mom was beside herself. I hadn’t slept and freaked out on the third visit. The dentist had discussed my treatment plan with one of my peeps. She was trying to help me but my brain didn’t see it that way.
After a few weeks and apologies on both sides, we got that squared away.
I went back and she ripped 3 more teeth out. She said she could not save my remaining teeth. Now take it, I have used them extensively. I did weigh 180 lbs…lol And had chipped one of the front ones on a keg of Shiner Bock. She informed me that my only option was dentures, not implants. I was like WTF? I’m old but not that fucking old!
She said that my teeth were making the rest of my body sick. So, I agreed to have it done. On August 22 she pulled the remaining 12 teeth from my upper jaw and 1 tooth from the lower one. Cut the bone down in front of my mouth. Sewed it up and slapped my plastic teeth in. It was weird! That night my sister died. I cannot describe the amount of guilt I felt. My mom is freaking out!!!
A week later I get the stitches out but, my neice and I got into about my sister’s cremation. At this point mom is still not coming to terms with everything. I concede the fight and tell my niece do whatever you want.
Nothing can prepare you for the feeling of your mouth with no teeth. NOTHING!
Part of me is dying but part of me is so happy! I am fucked up! It was the most terrifying wonderful thing I have ever done for myself.
Two weeks later she says we need to reline them. I go back and she has to keep them all day. I have to go town with no teeth. I am dying!!! I go back to get them and they fucked them up!!! They are awful now. Now, I have to wait 5 more weeks before she will try to fix them again. I am apparently allergic to the cleaned because it blistered my mouth, I can’t eat now, I am choking on shit like chocolate cake. I have had a headache every damn day since the reline.
Then mixed into all this a long the way is a loser who wants to my friend. Well until his ex called, then I was thrown on the back burner. He still wants to “help me” but all he does is make things worse. I don’t EVER want to be on the bottom of ANYONE’S list of priorities ever again!
So yes, I should have a fuck it attitude, but i can’t. I have responsibilities to my son and my family. I am doing the best I can.