T Nation


Hello all.My question is this.
Having just been dumped by my girlfriend she states that " I would like to be best friends".
Is this possible? or is it just wishful thinking that we can both carry on as just good friends?

No. She was just trying to let you down easy. Sounds better than “It’s ain’t happening, and I’m interested in someone else. Bye.”

I guess it depends on how you feel about her breaking up with you. Was it a complete surprise or did you see it coming? How long was your relationship? Of course it sounds like one of those typical dump lines. The best one I got was when my Ex-Wife told me she was leaving me because she said “I love you but I’m not in love with you”, try and figure that one out. Anyway move on or you could just be prolonging the hurt.

Close your eyes. Imagine your now ex-girlfriend telling you (in graphic detail)about the frat boy who fucked her silly last night. If that doesn’t phase you, you can be “best friends”.

NOOOOOOOOOOO! Cordial happenstance acquaintances, but not friends. Going back is as unlikely as turning a girl/guy “we’re just friends” into a hot romance. Move on, let her go. Don’t go looking either. THEY can smell us on the prowl. Find the nice, hot, level headed girl the week around the 15th of January who didn’t have a boyfriend for Christmas nor New Years Eve and land her at the most vulnerable time, the weeks leading into Valentines Day. Picking anyone is easy, picking the right one is hard.

Sure you can, and when your done being freinds with her for the day, you can put her in that storage bin with the cow that doesn’t give milk and the automobile that doesn’t move.

wishful thinking. Move on brother

Hell no. If a girl told me she just wanted to be friends while she got with some other guy I’d tell her to go fuck herself. Especially if she didn’t really mean it & wanted nothing to do with me.

It’s called a ‘Guilt-Free Departure’!

Thanks for the feedback guys.When you are all saying the same thing,then I guess I got my answer.

Turn the shit around… Try to fuck her and then kick her out, make sure she gets you a beer on her way out…Or you can really freak her out and send her a suicide note…don’t really do it, just send her the note. Make sure you move and change your phone # first. Give her email to a bunch of gay websites and let her get spammed to death. Or you can let it go and walk away…“best friends” hillarious, that have never happened.

That’s usually something someone just says to offer some sort of hope or make you feel better. It’s virtually impossible to be best friends with one of your ex-girlfriends because no matter what someone’s going to get jealous and you’ll probably keep boinking on the side as one of those recreational friendship type things which will lead to more drama and bullshit. But if you can find a happy medium as as far as “friends with benefits” goes, more power to ya.

I’ve been told I’m like no other woman, so this may not make a differance at all, but I thought I’d add a dissenting opinion. I’ve always been the one to do the breaking in the two relationships I’ve been in that didn’t work out. I understand loving someone and yet knowing that the relationship will not work out long term, because that’s the way it was both times. In that case, I would like to remain friends with someone who I’ve shared so much of myself with and who I care so deeply about. But it’s very difficult, and at least for the first few months, or years, one or both of you won’t actually be able to handle it. It’s just too big a change.

Only you know what sort of relationship you had and whether or not this girl was being sincere when she said she wants to be friends. She may be letting you down easy, or she may genuinely care for you and want you to remain an important part of her life. If you care for her as well, tell her what you are and aren't comfortable with as far as a friendship goes, even if that means, yeah, I'd like to be friends too, but I need some time away from you first.

Good luck, and I hope it all works out for the best.

I’m seconding supercollide’s post. While it is very, very unlikely (read: damn near impossible, yet remotely possible) to have an actual friendship with someone you were once intimate with - it is possible.

I have also been told by most every person I’ve ever known that I am quite unlike other women. Usually their phrase is something like “Dude, you’re a dude!” because of how I look at life and deal with people. I’ve also been the one to do the breaking up. So, my experiences may not be representative of what your girl is thinking/doing.

I deeply and sincerely love an ex of mine but I could see that the long term potential of the relationship was not up to my standards. Yes, we could have been “happy”. “Happier” than most married people seem to be. But a part of me would have died in the process. It was a damn hard decision that didn’t come over night but over almost a year of inner agony. We are best friends. We have been 95% of the other’s support for the 3 years we’ve been together. There is no way I would want that to come to a crashing halt; and neither would he. What do you do? You have mature, adult conversations about the things you need and the things the other person needs. You see if you can fulfill those things for eachother in a “friend” manner. If this proves too painful then you part company and remember eachother fondly. And even if you do part company, it may only be for a period of time and then you two are fully comfortable with eachother in the friendship capacity.

I also have a friend in a similar position. He was with his girlfriend for 5 years. They moved to a different state from where they grew up, bought a house together, had a life together and then both came to the realization that the long term just wasn’t in the cards. They have lived together as friends in the house they bought together for 5 more years now. Seriously. I doubted this was true, thinking they were still fucking on the sly but after being around them enough - nope, they’re not. They truly are just friends. They help eachother out on day to day shit, talk about relationship things, advise eachother on finances. The whole nine yards.

I know this is EXTREMELY rare and probably not very similar to your situation. Just be aware that it can happen, if both people want it to.

Other than that, I’d have to agree with what the rest of the posters have had to say - it ain’t gonna work. Just move on. Alone.

congratulations, I got the “hope we can be friends” from a girl that led me on for a month. I would’ve been just happy to never make eye contact with her again, but the other day she just walked up to me and started talking to me…I dont know whether this was cause she heard my car flipped over a week ago or because she genuinely wanted to be friends and thought that I wouldn’t be upset.

So from my perspective, I’ll be nice when i see her but i don’t think i’ll ever initiate a conversation with her. Pretty definitive no from my end.

When I posted this message a few days ago it was in the genuine hope that someone out there would tell me that this was possible.
However now I have had time to sit back and think it over,I realise that this is not the case.
It would be unrealistic and perhaps unwise.
And the clincher for me is that not one person whom I have talked to about this has suggested that staying friends is a good idea.
So thanks for all your advice it was most helpful.

While everyone else writes a book on this I’m just gonna say “let tha hoe go”, once spoken to me from a wise man in some desperate times. Turns out to be the best advice i ever got.

Dude, just kick the bitch to the curb…it’s over. Seeing her/ speaking to her will only prolong the agony.

I can’t tell you how hard it has been to do what it is you are proposing. I used to believe that just by being friends I could make my ex-girl realize what she’s missing. All it did was give me dillusions of a future with her and it didn’t let me move on.

It is not an easy road, but cut off all ties and one day maybe you’ll be able to do it.

I’ve been in your shoes. Looking for someone to tell you what you want to hear may make you feel a little better, but it accomplishes nothing.

Something good will come of this - Believe it!

Good Luck Brother

Move on bro, it’s not gonna work out.