T Nation

Douche Bag Housemate


hey T-Men, im a college student and threw one hell of a kick ass party last weekend, in the process someone had sex on one of my housemates beds. One of my other housemates (this kid is seriously a little fucking weiner) decided to tell the other housemate that I told the couple to fuck on his bed even though it was he who told them to. These two are like a goddamn gay couple so there is no way my one housemate will believe me if i tell him it was the other way around.

Im shopping around for ideas on how to get back at this little fuck, i considered just kicking his ass but his fathers a lawyer and hes the type of kid that woudl press charges. Any ideas out there, im not gonna move out of the house because i have a great time with the other guys i live with but thse two are just complete jerkoffs.

PM me or post any suggestions; i prefer retaliation that is going to be funny from my end and realy suck from his end.


Move out.

Then grow up.

These are the facts:

It was your party, they were your guests, they did the wrong thing, it's your responsibility.

For God's sake, cop it like a man, quit your bitching and get on with your life.

Seriously, you're the douchebag.


no way it was his party too, he let them in the room and blamed me for it. you seem to have misunderstood the explanation of the events. if anyone should man up it should be him and admit that hes the one that let people have sex on his friends bed, i didnt know about it until they were already in the act (and there is no way i, or any other man, would ever stop a guy from getting his nut off). and by the way this kid is definitly the douche bag.


Shit in a skillet and leave it on the stove! Ha!




No, no, no...put it in his bed!!!!


Jerk off in his socks and pillow covers every morning/night whenever it is most convenient for you.

The satisfaction you'll get is priceless.


Cup his ass while you french kiss him deeply.....oh wait, that would be gay. Kind of like doing something for revenge.

All that needs to happen is this. Guy yells at you for letting someone bang on his bed. You say, listen it wasn't me. He says he doesn't believe. You say, Fuck you if you don't believe me, now either shut up or do something about it. Then you either fight or he drops it and doesn't bring it up again.

Or, shit in his skillet and put it in his closet.


Tell your roomate that you didn't tell anyone to have sex on anyone else's bed. Tell him that if you wanted to screw with him you would have just pissed on the bed yourself while he was in it. As a gesture of peace, offer to wash the guys sheets, but don't apologize or admit so something you didn't do.


Use his tooth brush to clean the toilet. If he has a different bathroom then you, go upper deck on him (shit in the tank of the toilet, not the bowl)


This is such a petty issue and you are trying to escalate it. What exactly is the fallout with the housemate that's pissed about people screwing in his bed? Did anything get taken, were the sheets ruined? If no, he can do some laundry and there's no harm done.

All you can do is explain to the guy that you didn't tell them to screw in his bed and that you're sorry it happened. He can believe you or not, but that's his problem.

You guys are acting like chicks. Men don't get worked over this sort of stuff. Move on.



Copping to someone else's behaviour and meekly accepting their tarnishing your name with a lie? That doesn't sound like taking it like a man to me.

Now, if you're calling him on this juvenille revenge scheme, that's one thing. But it sounds like you're suggesting he should just bend over and take it when someone else lies to blame him for their decisions. Three guys sharing a place. They throw a party. I don't see how the one that's being lied about is the douchebag, while the liar gets off scott free.

BTW, to the guy who posted this in the first place: I agree with Murtaugh's first line. Move out. Or if you're in some kind of frat situation where there's a dozen guys living there, make your case and don't back down.

But this grand revenge scheme crap? It'll just lead to problems. You'll either give the little weasel ammo to use against you, or you'll end up pissing off your other housemates... or both. The best way to deal with deception is with unyielding honesty. Don't go trying to play games of trickery with someone who sounds like a born weasel.


Tell the douche bag housemate that if he doesn't smarten up, you'll steer every fucking couple, and you'll make sure there are plenty of them, into his room from now on.

Either that, or just go to his room to bang the chicks you bring home.

On another note, what's the big deal. Back in college, parties happen, shit gets broken, sheets get spooged on, beer gets spilled, people puke. Clean the place up and who cares anyway?

Throw up a scoreboard. Strangers fucking in your bed. Your housemate is leading 1-0 by the sounds of it.

People get upset over everything nowadays...


You're that big badass who ripped the stop sign out of the sidewalk, arent you?


so someone had sex on a roommate's bed? who HASN'T had that happen in their house while in college?


no he's my much weaker cousin I ripped a telephone pole out of the ground and shoved it up chuck norris' ass.


honestly i tried talking about this with the guy but he refuses to talk to me and one of my other housemates because he thinks we're the ones responsible. no way im movin out of the house, aside from shit like this goin on one in a while the place is great. i'm just kind of pissed that little numbnuts lied to get himself off the hook and i got blamed for all of it. Some of these responses were hilarious yet disgusting.


This is horrible advice!! He's a college student. Don't tell him to grow up.

Hey kid, get sweet revenge on this guy. Enjoy your college years. Hell, drop a couple classes and extend the fun. Never grow up too much. Enjoy life and always find the humor in everything, including revenge and penis jokes.


Are your roommates girls? I really don't see why all of you are acting like this.

If it were me I'd probably first react like "damn, too bad it wasn't me in my bedroom" then that'd be the last time I thought about it.

If I were you I'd just say dude is lying and if the guy doesn't believe me, who gives a shit. No need to get him back, just know that he's a bitch. Not saying that you should avoid him from now on, instead, keep acting the same way except for knowing how far you can trust him.

I know what it's like living with other people but it's fucking college man, get past the simple shit and have a good time.


Wait a week or two and let things die down before acting. You don't want him being sure enough it was you that he can come back and get revenge himself. Get the satisfaction of having something fucked up "inexplicably and randomly" happening to him. Revelling in his hilarious misery may not give you the satisfaction of vengence, but the reduced potential for complications more than makes up for that.

This post brought to you by Eric Cartman.

By the way, this situation my not be ripe for it, but for future reference: fish emulsions. Another similar winner is SE asian fish sauce.