T Nation

Don't like big muscles?

Ya know we have all heard it before, “I do not find big muscles attractive.” Is she serious. I mean really ladies! What is it that a girl is actually saying? To me I hear this: “I do not think a guy going under the heavy iron and pushing himself to points of pain to develop a not only a physically fit body but a healthier one. I do not appreciate the dedication bodybuilders put into their training or the fantastic results they obtain through their extensive knowledge of physiology and nutrition. I do not find it interesting how developing a good physique can teach life lessons like dedication and motivation.”

Sounds more like, “I like people who can be as lazy as I am.”


Surprise, surprise! You know, it’s a lie. Surprise, surprise! Anyway, who gives a flying fuck about what they like and what they do not like?!? I am not in this game because of them, but because of myself. If they do not like muscle, they are free to find a fat wifebeater wearing slob dragging along a six pack of beer and not abdominal muscle. I am not going to stop them and I do not care about their opinion either.

well, no, actually it means she doens’t like big muscles. some people like fat people, some skinny, some short, some tall, some are ‘ass’ people, some are ‘shoulder’ people. come on. marathon runners train to extremes, put in no less effort than body builders, and deal with no less pain. however, marathon runners are usually on the smaller side (the good ones anyway!) so if i was in to ‘lighter-built’ men who are dedicated to bettering themselves and have an excellent work ethic then a long distance runner would be perfict for me right??? personally i like big, but i think huge is gross… so i like dedication and work but don’t find huge men astetically pleasing. the women you are referring to are talking about astetics, not work ethic.

I think the reason you hear this is because most women don’t want to be with someone that devotes that much time and energy to better themselves. The reason being: They don’t want you to critique or judge them or expect them to do the same! So your quote, “I like people who can be as lazy as I am” fits prefectly!

The girls who like sieve, wimpy, guys find them easier to manipulate. They’re a dime a dozen. I just got home from work & was suprised that one of the girls there thought I had big forearms & liked them.

I would have to remind you that of all the things that will get you laid, muscles would be at the bottom of the list. Lifting will cost you a lot of action due to the fact that often women don’t want to feel self-concious lying naked next to someone who puts a lot of time into their physique. Spending lots of time in a gym will turn off a lot more women, as will not enjoying yourself eating out or on vacation. Finally, I have a good friend who said screw this working out thing, and now gets a lot more action. Muscles are great for standing out and for your own self-confidence, but low ranking in and of themselves on the getting laid front.

Holy shit!!! Okay guys, how many of you would date Andrulla Blanchette?? Huh, come on be truthful, I can hear ya all now; ‘She has too much muscle for me.’ And why in hell should it be any different for a woman to not care for huge muscles? She just doesn’t like them! I like large muscle (Nasser is my favorite bodybuilder), but I also like the way Andy Petitette looks too. I wouldn’t toss either man out of my bed. You are part of a subculture. Get over it.

Oh yes, the main reason you guys don't get laid is because you don't shut up long enough to hear what a woman has to say. Michelle answered your query and all you did was continue to rant about how your character is some how superior to a chick who doesn't like big muscle. Hey, maybe the chick who doesn't like big muscle has a Ph.d in molecular biology. The fat guy is a history expert specializing in the Medieval period. In other words, they have devotion and dedication, but in other disciplines. Hey, I hate to break it to ya, but a Ph.d in molecular biology is a hell of a lot more important than a great body.

Gentlemen (used very lightly), get your collective heads out of your asses and get humble. If you change your attitude and actually open your minds to other people, you just might get some nookie. Otherwise, you can continue to wack off to the fitness chick pictures in Muscle Mag.

It’s totally a matter of personal preference. I was just talking to Andrulla Blanchette last weekend and I can say this - she is one sexy woman. I don’t mind the fact that her arms are almost as big as mine. However, a lot of guys would say, “yuck, that’s too big for a girl.” I also find women of all races attractive, whereas some men and women are limited to a certain skin tone. So to you guys who expect all women to salivate over 250-pounders with 21-inch arms and 32-inch thighs, get over it. People like what they like, and that’s just the way we are.

A degree in molecular biology won’t do a person a whole lot of good when they die of a heart attack at ayoung age due to obesity or have any number of the life threatening health problems faced by many many Americans today due to laziness when it comes to nutrition and exercise. Your body and your life are a gift and anyone who won’t take a couple days a week and an hour or less a day devoted to preserving that gift pisses me off.
Oh and I happen to think Andrulla Blanchette, Juliette Bergman, and Jennifer McVicar are pretty damn hot!

It is funny you bring this up…because I had a discussion about this this weekend with a girl. As she told me, women DO like a well built buff man, but DO NOT like the attitude and “strut” that goes with it usually. As she told me (and this wasn’t very complementary) you walk in the room like your a bad ass that owns the place, and you will squash anyone who fucks with you. Now I was shocked to hear this, because I had no idea I was giving off this aura. I told her I was being nice to everyone there…and she agreed. As she said…it isn’t what you say…it is how you carry yourself…very cocky and arrogant. Most women percieve you as someone who percieves themselves as Gods gift to women. To her, my attitude and how I carried myself…wasnt confidence (which I consider it to be) but cockiness…and to her it was a turn off. Now personally…I could give a damn…I have the Vixen…who likes my attitude…but perhaps there is something in what that girl said. Just food for thought

I think the general meaning of that is that they dont like “monsters.” Although part of me wants to be one, the other part is slightly intimidated by their bulk. Now imagine the womens perspective here, esp. w/ sex and all.

Whopper brought up a good point – maybe a subject for another thread. The guy walks with what is considered to him to be confidence, but the woman interprets it as cockiness. I’ve always heard from women that confidence is a turn on. So maybe some of the vixens here can answer a question – Where do you draw the line between confidence and cockiness? What are the characteristics of cockiness? There’s obviously a disconnect between the male and female perspective of those actions.

This is a touchy issue, one I deal with quite often.

I think in general what most women mean when they say the don’t like all the muscle is that they don’t like the bodybuilder image. I have a great deal of respect for bodybuilders, I just don’t have the desire to be one, as I aim for a more esthetically pleasing physique ala a mens health cover model (of course, esthetically pleasing is highly subjective, I know that).

I have and continue to devote a great deal of time to develope that mens health look, and more often than not it is a problem with the opposite sex. They love the way I look, but that is just it, fun to look at. The assumption is that I don’t have the brain to back up the body, or that I am too high maintenance, or that I expect a woman to have a perfect body as well. None of those examples could be further from the truth. I would love to have someone with similar concern for their health and nutrition, but I certainly don’t expect them to go to the same extremes I do, or even fully understand my mentality. But at the very least they have to respect my work ethic.

As far as the comment about a Ph. D being more important than a good body, I have to highly disagree. I may have created the ‘perfect body’ image for myself, but thats not what it is all about for me. What it represents to me is my own abilty to overcome obstacles, discipline myself, and achieve a goal I once thought Impossible. These are lessons I will take with me to the grave, and sets a solid foundation and guideline for anything I chose to do with the rest of my life. I can use what I learn in the gym to push myself through school, but I don’t know if the same applies the other way around.

I do what I do because I am afraid of mediocrity and I am afraid of blending in. I have earned the respect and admiration of my peers, and that means more to me than anything. If someone can’t respect my desire for self improvement, whether they like the way my body looks or not, I can’t be bothered with them.

Whopper get a clue she wants you dude. Everytime a woman has called me cocky, arogant, concieted or any other slander that could be mis-interpreted confidence it has ended with her and I doing the horizontal bop. I know you are married and all but she most likely digs you and is trying to nulify it. Peace, k

The point seems very simple to me: MOST women want well-built men. WELL-BUILT. Not someone who is so huge they can compete in most bodybuilding championships. They want someone who is fun to touch, no someone who looks like they’ve been all blown out of aesthetics by roids.

If that weren’t the case, Ronnie Coleman would be the most sought after man on earth, not Brad Pitt or Sean Connery or whoever.

I think there are ‘extremes’ in the matter that could only be found attractive by certain taste or crazy fetishes. I think a sexy woman takes care of herself is built and into the bodybuilding lifestyle - but retains the frickin’ awesome curves of a womans body! I would not want to wake up inbetween my girlfriends lats smootherin’ me! But the extremes in muscular development are obviously more giving with men. I mean, it’s natural. We have ‘naturally’ higher testosterone. A guy with a built bod is natural and shows a lot about his personality… and physical shape. They do walk with confidence. Physically, because they lack back problems and slouching (onless they forget their belt on deadlift days) because of a built muscular frame. Menatally, because they overcome obstacles everytime they enter a gym and burn the hormones off that bring their lazy counter parts into the slumps. Arnold said it best, “The human body is a machine, it must be worked like a machine. When it is unused it becomes sick and diseased.” (Maybe not word for word but a pretty close quote out of his latest Bodybuilding Encyclopedia)

Those in good physical shape and well built muscles represent a machine ready for life and all the obstacles. And sometimes it comes off as cocky.

From the guys perspective… I do not find Olympian chicks attractive. I admire what they do and their dedication - but it is too extreme. But that does not mean I do not find woman with muscle attractive. The Fitness Oympians - YEAH BABY, YEAH!

Okay, my two cents’ worth: I have to disagree with what the women wrote up top. I know, I know, who am I to disagree with a woman on a subject that concerns a woman’s POV? Well, consider this. “…some people like fat people, some skinny, some short, some tall, some are ‘ass’ people, some are ‘shoulder’ people.” No flame intended, but how true is this, really? Who do you know who says, “I really prefer men who are grossly obese”? Or “I like men who look anorexic”? Pretty much every woman I’ve ever met wants a guy who’s taller than she is, so “short” and “tall” are very relative - but they go for relatively tall. (Has anyone on this forum ever known a woman who exclusively dates men who are shorter than she is?) As for ass women, shoulder women, etc., okay. Personal preferences and all that. But my point here is that I think that probably over 99% of the women out there - from a purely physical perspective, mind you - would prefer someone who’s in shape w/some muscle to someone who’s not, all other things being equal. Who wouldn’t? To argue against this is like saying that some women prefer guys who are sick to guys who are healthy… and I just don’t believe that’s true.

That they often end up with the fat guy or whoever indicates to me that there’s something else at work, a la the psychological considerations mentioned above, or, of course, that the fat guy’s income is better, dick is longer or whatever. And thus, I basically agree with D-Man’s original post.

Personal anecdote: When I started lifting weights waaaay back in high school, the verbal reaction I got was “Ewww, yuck!” The physical reaction was different (of course). Girls actually occasionally carressed my biceps, all the while going on about how “gross” my arms were. Yeah, okay. Now, I’m not a huge freakish-looking guy by any means, and I do see where an Olympia-calibre physique could be off-putting. No argument there. But I have yet to see a woman be turned off by a large, non-weightlifting guy who looked at all presentable, whereas a lot of them say that they’re turned off by BBs (who are often about the same size). So what’s the deal? As stated above, it’s the lifestyle/mindset, not the body itself that gives them problems.

Finally, I'd just like to ask geeknweightgirl how it is, exactly, that having a PhD (in any field) is more important than having a great body. You make more money with the PhD, granted, so if that's all you're worried about, fine. But for any of the myriad other aspects of life, I ask you: by what measure is it better? And BTW, if I have to be humble enough to listen to a woman rant about how men all have their collective heads up their asses in order to get laid...well, I'll take that stroke mag, thanks.

I guess I should throw in my two cents on how some of the women I’ve dated viewed muscles in general. Currently, I’m 5’10", 195 and very lean, which actually has proven to attract much attention from the opposite sex. Girls I’ve dated love my physique, but also say that I should not get any bigger. I guess being lean and muscular is just more attractive to most women than being huge. As for the cockiness subject, women seem to love a man with a good body who’s modest about it… or at least acts modest. I really don’t wear tight clothing or tanktops outside the gym and even act bashful about being seen with my shirt off in front of other people (this REALLY turns them on!). So to those who like to strut, sometimes swallowing your pride is required in order to get a little nookie. In my opinion, you gotta do what you gotta do right?

I have spent alot of time behind a bar and I have spoken with alot of women and I think anyone that mentioned the “bodybuilding lifestyle” or anything similer is correct. sure women like a healthy guy, sure they like SOME muscle on their man, but they do not like the stupid “my arms can’t be by my side” or the “we can’t go to that place to eat 'cause they won’t make my chicken breast without skin” or the " I can not go to meet your parents until after 8pm 'cause I can’t miss ONE workout, then I got cardio, then I gotta tan". I don’t even think size is what they don’t like all the time (some times yeah), I think more often then not it is everything that goes with the size (most girls have a prob. with juice also and when they see someone thats pretty large the assume they are on).I also think they look at bodybuilders this way. as a guy I would go and see a stripper like “wendy whoopers” but only as an oddity, I have NO real atraction to her, when guys are REAL big I think its the same way women look at them.

do you find kate moss particularily attractive? no chest, no ass, no arms, no legs? i got news for you, there are plenty of men who DO think she’s hot (and plenty who wouldn’t touch her with a ten foot pole, but that’s beside the point.) we are talking ASTETICS here. and YES there must be women who find obese men attractive, because obese men get married all the time, just like obese women. marathon runners are about the leanest athletes i can think of, and there are women who find them attractive too. i think ronnie coleman’s body is completely freakish - but there are women who think he’s hot. he must spend a lot of time in the gym, and must be dedicated, so that means i have to find him attractive?? come on, you can say it’s all the ‘lifestyle’ that turns them off, but perhaps it’s the cocky attitude that just because you lift every woman should fall all over you? i have news for you, body builders are no more or less dedicated to their hobby than anyone else. i know people who like cars and spend hours and hours every night working on their latest project. i know people who show horses nationally and ride hours daily and travel every weekend. are they less dedicated or motivated than you are? no. are they lazy because they don’t spend their time in the gym? no. i am in the gym busting my ass daily, i’m definately not ‘huge’ but i have ok size. not so long ago i listened to two guys discussing me, and one commented to the other that i ‘wasn’t bad looking, but he likes smaller women’ now, i’m 5’1" so he was not referring to height. i have worked very hard for every inch of my arms, and i am well aware that there are men who are not interested in me because they don’t find that attractive in women. quit being so damn arrogant, not every woman on earth thinks muscles are attractive.