Ok well, since you insist...
"Workout" is a term that's been totally misunderstood?
Fair play to 'ya, I kinda like this term. No real idea what it means, but I like it.
Those are realistic achievements. Maybe not with whatever fad you're referring to, but they're attainable by the vast majority of people with the right effort and approach.
This presumes calisthenics are low intensity. For many beginners, they are not.
No fitness fad techno-jargon here. Nope.
A little redundant with #2, "sprint every once in a while", but I know what you were getting at.
My body wants loaded potato skins and bourbon. My mind wants my body to be strong and healthy.
Except for the six-step template previously outlined.
Agreed. Which is why most of those previous steps are only suggestions that may not apply to all people. Sleep is very often less than ideal, but bodies adapt and progress continues. There are myriad ways to build strength and drop fat safely and effectively, some of which don't require lifting heavy/explosively or sprinting.
I'm concerned that this advice is in a tone more appropriate for the audience of Shape magazine's forum. Overall, my thoughts are that I'd grade this rant a solid B. Maybe B+.