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Does Your GF/Wife Have Male Friends?

How appropriate is it for your wife or girlfriend to have male friends which they talk to on the phone? Not gay friends, regular guys.

tricky one.

how long have you been with her?
did she know this person prior to you?
how attractive is your girlfriend?
is this person single?
how old are you all?

without knowing the above:

personally i say put your foot down and say you don’t want this to continue. my opinion is all guys at all points are trying to get into your girls pants. doesn’t mean she is a ho and will say yes. doesnt mean you are right and they all are trying to grt in her pants.

i would not be happy with this and would tell her so and then tell him so to his face

have kind of been in all sides of this situation to a degree including (successfully) getting into a taken girls pants, having a paranoid gf telling me to not speak to certain women, and me being the paranoid one also.

bottom line if you are not comfortable make this clear, and if need be dump her over if. relationships need clear boundaries.

I don’t really like it. I tend to feel insecure about it cause I was left for other men. But that is on me. So even though I may have feelings of insecurity. I will try to be trusting but keep an eye open for the signs that something is not right. When you see it you really know it. And if you are uncomfortable tell her. If she respects how you feel she will tone it down. If she doesn’t respect you and how you feel then you have some problems and a choice to make about the future of this relationship.

Wife:

I don’t care. I wouldn’t have married her if I didn’t trust her. If she ends up violating that trust, I know and can afford much better lawyers than she can.

GF:

Eh, unless I think I’ll marry her, I’m obviously using her for sex anyway, so I still don’t care.

I’ve been with her 2 1/2 years.

I think she knew the person before me…not sure…she has like a hundred friends male and female.

She is very attractive…

This person is single

I’m 38 and she is 34.

The thing is that she is VERY jealous of my female friends. I told her I would be ok with her talking to guys if she’s ok with me talking to my female friends. She doesn’t want to agree to this. It seems like she doesn’t want to make this deal because she would be jealous. Pretty hypocritical.

I agree 1000%…ALL guys want to get in the pants of a hot girl…

[quote]yolo84 wrote:
tricky one.

how long have you been with her?
did she know this person prior to you?
how attractive is your girlfriend?
is this person single?
how old are you all?

without knowing the above:

personally i say put your foot down and say you don’t want this to continue. my opinion is all guys at all points are trying to get into your girls pants. doesn’t mean she is a ho and will say yes. doesnt mean you are right and they all are trying to grt in her pants.

i would not be happy with this and would tell her so and then tell him so to his face

have kind of been in all sides of this situation to a degree including (successfully) getting into a taken girls pants, having a paranoid gf telling me to not speak to certain women, and me being the paranoid one also.

bottom line if you are not comfortable make this clear, and if need be dump her over if. relationships need clear boundaries. [/quote]

I try to explain to my girlfriend all the time that every guy who isnt my friend, or a boyfriend of her girlfriends that is trying to be friendly with her is basically just trying to hit on or sleep with her.

Most single guys do not see that if a girl is in relationship she is ‘off limits’. I am not proud to say, but i was like that and had my fair share back in the bachelor days. She cant even make it through a workout at the gym without have 2-5 ‘nice guys’ just come ‘be friendly’.

I would be weary.

My wife has none. Same goes for me and female friends. Others can do what they want, that’s just the way we like it. We’ve just seen too many people that get themselves into trouble by having these relationships.

I used to work for a large company and I can recount a few affairs between co-workers that started by going to lunch together regularly as friends.

[quote]adamhum wrote:
I’ve been with her 2 1/2 years.

I think she knew the person before me…not sure…she has like a hundred friends male and female.

She is very attractive…

This person is single

I’m 38 and she is 34.

The thing is that she is VERY jealous of my female friends. I told her I would be ok with her talking to guys if she’s ok with me talking to my female friends. She doesn’t want to agree to this. It seems like she doesn’t want to make this deal because she would be jealous. Pretty hypocritical.

I agree 1000%…ALL guys want to get in the pants of a hot girl…

[quote]yolo84 wrote:
tricky one.

how long have you been with her?
did she know this person prior to you?
how attractive is your girlfriend?
is this person single?
how old are you all?

without knowing the above:

personally i say put your foot down and say you don’t want this to continue. my opinion is all guys at all points are trying to get into your girls pants. doesn’t mean she is a ho and will say yes. doesnt mean you are right and they all are trying to grt in her pants.

i would not be happy with this and would tell her so and then tell him so to his face

have kind of been in all sides of this situation to a degree including (successfully) getting into a taken girls pants, having a paranoid gf telling me to not speak to certain women, and me being the paranoid one also.

bottom line if you are not comfortable make this clear, and if need be dump her over if. relationships need clear boundaries. [/quote]
[/quote]

give her an ultimatum tonight. say either it stops or it’s over.

ive been with a very attractive woman, they get validation from the attention and dont like to give it up.

seriously i think you should say you’re not happy and there is no middle ground.

from experience, shit like this is a slippery slope and leads to other problems in the relationship.

if she loves you she’ll stop, if she doesn’t she won’t. it really is as simple as that.

Apparently I’m attracted to girls with backbones and brains. Because the only time it mattered if the dude wanted to bang them is if she wanted to as well.

“Game” only works on whores that would have more like than not, fucked you anyway.

Yes I’ve been cheated on, and left for another dude. They both came crawling back, and both were very willing at the time to have sex. It isn’t like the other guys waved magic penis dust in her face and she suddenly turned into a loose lipped sally. She made a choice to bang other dude.

SO don’t worry so much about the dude if your going to worry. Worry about whether you picked the right woman to be committed to.

[quote]super saiyan wrote:
My wife has none. Same goes for me and female friends. Others can do what they want, that’s just the way we like it. [/quote]

Your wife is Latino. Culture makes a difference here.

You likely risk life and limb talking to female clients and co-workers, let alone any one woman you could call a “friend”.

The fact women post on the internet may put you in danger, from what I understand.

+derek knows what I’m sayin…

:wink:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:
My wife has none. Same goes for me and female friends. Others can do what they want, that’s just the way we like it. We’ve just seen too many people that get themselves into trouble by having these relationships.

I used to work for a large company and I can recount a few affairs between co-workers that started by going to lunch together regularly as friends.

[/quote]

x2

agree that it matters if we’re talking about a wife or a girlfriend.

girlfriend: of course she can have guy friends, because you haven’t committed to her (time together doesn’t matter if there’s no ring on the finger). You have to let her keep her friends in the event that things don’t work out between you. It’s not fair to make a girlfriend ditch any of her friends, male or female.

Wife: to me, this is different. You’ve made the highest level of commitment, so the level of expectation is different. Every friend that my wife and I have now, male or female, is a mutual friend. It would be absolutely unacceptable for me to go hang out with a single female, or even a married female, without my wife present (or the married friend’s husband present), and vice versa.

I’m not sure why, but most of my good friends are females. I barely communicate with them when I have a girlfriend because it’s not good for my relationship, i feel it’s disprectful. If i confide in any women it should be my girl or my mom. it’s not fair, it’s not fun, It’s just life…

[quote]super saiyan wrote:
My wife has none. Same goes for me and female friends. Others can do what they want, that’s just the way we like it. We’ve just seen too many people that get themselves into trouble by having these relationships.

I used to work for a large company and I can recount a few affairs between co-workers that started by going to lunch together regularly as friends.

[/quote]

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Apparently I’m attracted to girls with backbones and brains. Because the only time it mattered if the dude wanted to bang them is if she wanted to as well.

“Game” only works on whores that would have more like than not, fucked you anyway.

Yes I’ve been cheated on, and left for another dude. They both came crawling back, and both were very willing at the time to have sex. It isn’t like the other guys waved magic penis dust in her face and she suddenly turned into a loose lipped sally. She chose it.

SO don’t worry so much about the dude if your going to worry. Worry about whether you picked the right woman to be committed to. [/quote]

I think you’re mostly right about predispositions but things can develop slowly over time. Especially where a spouse begins to confide in a friend about things their spouse does or says. They feel like that friend listens and cares about them causing deeper emotional bonds which then increases the likelihood of romantic feelings.

Or they are going through a rough patch with their spouse and turn to the friend for emotional comfort.

Like I mentioned with the co-workers going to lunch. It’s not like they met up and banged on the first lunch date. Some of these people had been friends for months or even years and started out with no intention of cheating.

That’s why I think it’s best to keep yourself out of the situation in the first place.

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]super saiyan wrote:
My wife has none. Same goes for me and female friends. Others can do what they want, that’s just the way we like it. [/quote]

Your wife is Latino. Culture makes a difference here.

You likely risk life and limb talking to female clients and co-workers, let alone any one woman you could call a “friend”.

The fact women post on the internet may put you in danger, from what I understand.

+derek knows what I’m sayin…

;)[/quote]

LOL

[quote]super saiyan wrote:

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
Apparently I’m attracted to girls with backbones and brains. Because the only time it mattered if the dude wanted to bang them is if she wanted to as well.

“Game” only works on whores that would have more like than not, fucked you anyway.

Yes I’ve been cheated on, and left for another dude. They both came crawling back, and both were very willing at the time to have sex. It isn’t like the other guys waved magic penis dust in her face and she suddenly turned into a loose lipped sally. She chose it.

SO don’t worry so much about the dude if your going to worry. Worry about whether you picked the right woman to be committed to. [/quote]

I think you’re mostly right about predispositions but things can develop slowly over time. Especially where a spouse begins to confide in a friend about things their spouse does or says. They feel like that friend listens and cares about them causing deeper emotional bonds which then increases the likelihood of romantic feelings.

Or they are going through a rough patch with their spouse and turn to the friend for emotional comfort.

Like I mentioned with the co-workers going to lunch. It’s not like they met up and banged on the first lunch date. Some of these people had been friends for months or even years and started out with no intention of cheating.

That’s why I think it’s best to keep yourself out of the situation in the first place.[/quote]

I’ve seen this happen and for that reason I agree.

That being said, I have a girl friend I’ve known since I was 12. We’re friends but so are her and my wife. So I think at this point she’s a “mutual” friend which makes it pretty easy.

And we never talk on the phone, because guys who talk on the phone are either gay or hitting on the woman they’re talking to. And that’s just science.

I actually had to take a road trip with a young attractive woman in the office. I went home and asked what my wife thought about it and would have done something to get out of it if she had cared.

Your spouse should always come first. Purposely having a life outside your spouse doesn’t really fall in line with that. We are both completely open in all parts of life, though for certain things we may not choose together. For example, I wouldn’t mind her becoming as much a part of my lifting life as she likes. I am also always invited to her crafting group. There is no part of our lives that the other isn’t invited to. All of our other relationships included.

My girlfriend has a few guy friends who would be happy to see me out of the picture. It only works if the woman explicitly states the boundaries of the friendship, and even then guys usually aren’t going to listen.

From my perspective, it’s not so much that she has male friends, but how does she react when I tell her that I’m uncomfortable with it? Is she defensive? Does she get angry? Is she reassuring? What does she do when her guy friends cross a line (and they will, they always do.)? Will she brush it off as if it’s nothing or will she call the guy on it?

I think it’s important to realize that this is a situation where your GF is testing you as well. She wants you to be possessive, but not jealous. Concerned, but not insecure. She wants to know how you feel about her friendship, but doesn’t want to be told what to do. It took me years and years before I was able to 1) recognize this, and 2) navigate it successfully. When I did, the guy friend was there to step on his dick and my GF ended the friendship.

Btw, OP, I would not let that double standard hold up in my house. Not a chance. Whatever you have going for you with your girl friends (as weird as I think it is), you should be able to have that, ESPECIALLY if she’s doing the same thing with her guy friends.

Some double standards are fine, this one would not stand.

[quote]adamhum wrote:
How appropriate is it for your wife or girlfriend to have male friends which they talk to on the phone? Not gay friends, regular guys.[/quote]

It is not appropriate even if they are gay.