My parents and grandparents are fundamentalist pentecostal christians. So as you can imagine it was drilled within my head from a early age. To me it was just a list of things I cant do or “Gods gonna get ya!” At the same time I heard God was merciful and kind and took pity on us.
Up until recently, I just accepted whatever I was told. Now that I experience life and I actually have a need to pray, it seems as if it never works. When I pray it is like im talking to a wall. Now im at the point in my life where I wouldnt be considered an atheist, but an agnostic. I want to believe, but there is nothing for me to base that belief on, except a 6000 year old book and what someone else told me. Every time I get an unanswered prayer and my grandparents tell me “What you wanted wasnt the will of God…” it just pushes me more and more away. I cant bring myself to believe in an invisible man in the sky who hasnt really done anything for me. I want to, but the proof is in the pudding.
Now my parents and granparents want to attribute everything to God…for instance, im unemployed and been searching for employment for 8 months. Im starting to realize I may not be able to find a job in which I was making what I previously made. I only made $11 a hour, which may not be alot to some, but it was good enough for me. But I might have to take a job at McDonalds flipping burgers for minimum wage or close to it.
Now the moment I get that job at McDonalds the first thing im going to hear is “Did you thank God?” and in going to be thinking WHAT THE FUCK!!! Is it a miracle that im flipping hamburgers at McDonalds??? I mean im told God is supposed to be the almighty ruler of the universe, yet the best miracle he can do for me is get me a minimum wage job at a fast food resturaunt! Oh hallelujah! I feel like speaking in tongues!
Has prayer ever worked for anyone and if so what am I doing wrong? Am I praying to the wrong God? I mean what is it?
Serious and relevant responses only!!![/quote]
I’ll be serious with you for once only because your posts seem like you are in a troubled place. And while humor is what I like best, it appears you are floundering and maybe you do need a push in the right direction.
I hope it was never taught to you that you can sit back and do nothing but pray and god will somehow deliver something to you. I mean I don’t prescribe to any religion myself, but the ones I have read up on almost always infer that through praying, your god will give you the strength and ability to achieve whatever goals you are praying about, wheather it be getting a job, or doing well on a test. But the most important aspect is that you have to still do the work.
Personally I believe in my own power if you will. I am the creator of my world, the decisions I make and the effort I put in shape the very fabric of my life experience. I can literally take it in any direction I chose, and with a little hard work, I can go down almost any path. Your options are really unlimited.
Now the hard thing for most people is that it can be uncomfortable to make choices that will take them far outside of thier personal comfort zone, wheather it be a circle of friends that you can’t let go, or even a family who you can’t leave. From the sounds of it though, you seem young enough to do just that.
First you need to think long and hard, I mean real long and real hard about what you want your life to be like over the next year, the next 5 years and then possibly the next 10 years. Then once you have a clear image of what you think you want, you need to put one foot in front of the other and get after that goal with reckless abandon. pour every ounce of your sould and will into it.
The beginning is always the hardest, and it is percicely while people so often fall into a rut. But once you are a month in, and you realize, Hey i’m still alive, and i’m closer to my goal. You will find it easier and easier to continue down your new path. Just be wary of pitfalls and derails, and you should be able to achieve whatever it is you want. If it helps you to pray to your god for strength, so be it, you could also just pray to yourself, you ultimately do have the power.