T Nation

Do You Not Screw People Over?


Every where I go at work, at the bar, dating people always complain about others screwing them over as if they don't do it. Yet I've witness them do the same shit, things like

1)Not returning important calls or messages
2)Big project wait until the job is about to close to ask every one for help.
3)Flake out on a date without telling the person.
4)Not inviting your friend to an event you KNOW they wanted to go to.
5)Acting like your going to go to a friends party and never show up.(I'm notorious for this one).

Is there anybody on here that thinks they honestly don't do this?

It seems like everyone does all of the above so what is the definition of he's "good people"?


I try my hardest to never screw someone over, but it's a subjective thing. What I consider irrelevant might be a massive insult to someone else.


Don't do to someone, what you wouldn't want done to you. That's my motto.


You can't live your life trying to make everyone else happy or you will be miserable.

Now there is a limit to this but the most stuff you listed about is pretty minor.

Now fucking your a friend's girlfriend I would say that is a deal breaker....

I'll try to post an email I got about this topic recently.


An old man, a boy and a donkey were going to town. The boy rode on the donkey
and the old man walked.
As they went along they passed some people who remarked it was a shame the old
man was walking and
the boy was riding. The man and boy thought maybe the critics were right, so
they changed positions.

Later, they passed some people that remarked, "What a shame, he makes that
little boy walk." They then
decided they both would walk!

Soon they passed some more people who thought they were stupid to walk when they
had a decent donkey to ride.
So, they both rode the donkey.

Now they passed some people that shamed them by saying how awful to put such a
load on a poor donkey.
The boy and man said they were probably right, so they decided to carry the
donkey. As they crossed the bridge,
they lost their grip on the animal and he fell into the river and drowned.

**The moral of the story? If you try to please everyone, you might as well kiss
your ass good-bye.**


^good stuff


I don't "screw" anyone over. I do however do lots of stuff that people don't like. However I am always up front with people so I never lie to anyone which is actually where most of the feeling screwed over comes in. For instance, my sister invites me to her house on average 2 times per week, I on average go over there once per month.

I can only take so much of her and her husband and thier two little dogs. BUT I never tell her i'm coming and not show up, I usually just say thanks but i'm not going to make it. She inevitably whines and bitches that I don't hang out with her enough but I just hold steady and say sorry, but i'm still not coming, I don't even give a reason as if you do that you run the risk of the person feeling like something is more important to you than they are. I just say, I don't feel like it.

Two of my three best friends are very bad about saying they are coming over and then never showing up or never calling. My one friend and his wife were supposed to come to my dughters 8th birthday party this past weekend for example, my friend is even her godfather, but they never showed up and never called. I don't even get upset anymore, they do it constantly. I.E. More than they don't do it, I generally get surprised when they do come to a function they said they would come to.

But no, some people lie and they lie to thier friends and family, and they lie to themselves, if you are comfortable lying about anything, then you will screw people over wheather you meant to or not. If you don't lie, you should rarely if ever screw someone.



I do my best to try to not be a hypocrite.

I'm also a firm believer in karma, so I do my best to try to be nice to people I know. Unless I don't like them.


5 really isn't a big deal unless, for some reason, it's important that you DO show up.

Then again, if you do it more often than not, you're not so much "screwing people over" as you are being douchey.

In a similar vein, I find #3 to be a major douchebag move.


i fuck people over every day. i sell gym equipment. well i used to.....felt bad every single sale because i had to lie and sell something like bowflex because i had to save up money to pay bills. I was good at selling 7 years of it and i got so damn good i started being unhappy with myself because i fucked people out of their hard earned money.

But then i thought of it this way, i get fucked over every day, at the gas station, car wash, local 7-11 or what not and my gear dealer......so what ever, i now am a personal trainer and fuck people out of money but also help them a lot

if you feel like you are fucking people over just do some giving back and it will help not to feel bad.



Clients buy a simple drawing from me and pay way too much money for the time I put in. Sometimes I feel guilty about this, as if I'm screwing them over. But my agent says "That's ridiculous. The market dictates the price. Never feel guilty about your creative work."

That helps, but occasionally out of this guilt, I do a freebie for a good organization, or for an individual who seems cool or has similar interests as I do.


see someone else said this was minor stuff, to me these things are a big deal.
Its called being reliable.

1) return the call,if nothing else call the person back and tell them you have not forgot and will get back to them soon.

2) I don't understand really, was help not needed and dude got stuck at the last min, or was he being lazy and then at the last moment thought he would have everyone else do it.
The later should be a hanging offense (j/k but it is pretty bad)

3) don't stand people up,if you don't want to date the person or something better comes up,you may be the asshole of the hour but tell the person whats on your mind,don't leave them wondering.

4) why was friend not invited,and think about if the friend is not welcome where you go and to tromp in the same circles you do then why is that person your friend?
I have very few friends,but the ones I do are real "friends" more family than friends if I am welcome they are and vice versa. if the person is not welcome then they are more an acquaintance than a friend.

5) if this is one the the above mentioned "real friends" and you cant take the time out to show up at his party,or at least call him and make an excuse so that they are not waiting on you,what kind of person are you?
unreliable,untrustworthy,and you need to check where your loyalties lie and maybe stick with that instead of having people assume you are loyal to them and come to find out you are not.

these are my solutions,very easy to do basically do what you say and say what you do.

and dwarf,I charge a lot for my services as well, more than what I think is fair.
but look at it this way you have a special talent that they want to exploit, its a talent that a lot of people have and if they went to you it has to be for something,so the people are happy paying what you are charging.
if they are happy and you are happy then its a win win.


It's simply human nature to be able to see others' faults while being blind to your own. Seems I remember a story about that very thing...

"Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults - unless, of course, you want the same treatment. That critical spirit has a way of boomeranging. It's easy to see a smudge on your neighbor's face and be oblivious to the ugly sneer on your own. Do you have the nerve to say, 'Let me wash your face for you,' when your own face is distorted by contempt? It's this whole traveling road-show mentality all over again, playing a holier-than-thou part instead of just living your part. Wipe that ugly sneer off your own face, and you might be fit to offer a washcloth to your neighbor."


1-4 I don't think I do at all, they just seem to be pretty common, and only urks me because I've seen people complain then turn around and do the same shit.

5)I don't always act like I'm going, sometimes I say I don't know even when I know I'm not going.

For the post I used myself as an example in #5 but my focus wasn't just me. I'm just wondering how much of importance people place on fucking others over.

T-Beast I do notice that Sales Men and Agents tend to be the number 1 culprit of screwing people over even outside of the job. After reading your post and thinking about it, I guess most of them do try to donate money or whatever else they deem good to make up for it.

Fucking yoru best friends girlfriend is a whole lot more than screwing him over, but you still have to wonder why are you this guys friend even more so if he was just looking for a quick screw.

So what defines "good people" is the good they do, not the f'd up shit.


I spent most early years of my life kind of, being a jerk. Then around 27 or 28 years old, I found this thing called Karma. I deeply believe in Karma and I try to treat everyone the way I would want to be treated. It actually has changed things in my life for the better.


agreed on karma


I used to do no.5 alot when i was younger but now it's just easier to deal with it on the spot. I generally say something like " I know what i'm like and honestly, i just don't think i'll make it" People usually laugh and call me lazy or something similar but it's better than no showing.

People always think their party is gonne be wicked and you should come, it'll be awesome, but if your just getting drunk at another bar then chances are.........

Unless you have hot friends.

Or your hiring a boat, strippers and we're going deep sea fishing up the coast....



There was another ~Karma~ too... Good ol' days.

I used to not care about screwing people over, but somewhere along the way I grew up and found integrity. I'd offer help, time, confirm that I'd be somewhere and flake, all of it. I said yes to everything, even if I knew I wouldn't go, or be able to help, or already be too overwhelmed to be of any use.

Simply put, I learned how to say 'no' when I really meant it, and I think I'm a more solid dude for it.


I screw my girlfriend...over...and over...and over and again.


..i talked to this girl once, who was complaining about her friends lying all the time. When i suggested she'd surround herself with better quality people she answered: "Yes, but on the other hand, that would require me to be honest too."

..moral of the story: you tend to attract people who are like minded. So if you are surrounded by assholes, chances are you are somewhat of an asshole too. I found that life is too short to have to deal with assholes all the time, and i definitly go for quality over quantity. The people i call my friends i know i can depend on them, and i'll go to hell and back if need be...