T Nation

Do You Like Your Kids?


#1

This is a bit of a spinoff from this thread..........

http://www.t-nation.com/readTopic.do;jsessionid=8B967AEC15B006BB298578D958629BD1.hydra?id=808217

The original thread was regarding what you feed your kids. I went on a bit of a rant about raising kids in general.

Here's the thing. I admit I was not the best father when my boy was born until he was around 2 years old or even older. I was not prepared for the selflessness that was required for the job of taking care of an infant. I found the constant crying mindboggling, and I was pretty miserable most of the time. I felt I hid it reasonably well, and I DID what was required of me. I am not proud of the way I was, but it is what it is.

Now, to the point. My son is 7 now, and he is awesome. He is so awesome, and has been for so long, that I don't even remember being so miserable so long ago. My boy rarely does anything to piss me off, and he's generally polite and respectful.

I know it's a parent's obligation to LOVE their child, but when I see people interacting with their kids out in the wild, it generally appears that the kids are just pissing the parents off. Most parents I observe are short with their kids, speaking to them as if they are constantly agitated.

I know that this current state of nirvana that I am living in is almost surely going to blow up in my face. Most certainly by the time he hits his teens. Although of course I hope I am doing everything I can in these early days to prevent that.

So, my question is, to all parents, with kids of any age.......... Do you LIKE your kids? I think parents are under a moral obligation to LOVE their children, but I am not so sure that most parents actually LIKE their kids.

( I know when I was a teen, my parents couldn't possibly have liked me most of the time, since I was such an asshole )

\|/ 3Toes


#2

Wow, cool topic. I have a son that turns 2 at the end of this month. I was scared and doubtful about being a parent when my wife told me she was pregnant. I worried that I wasn't going to be able to handle the pressure of rasing an infant and it got to me a little. He was planned, but was conceived a little earlier than said plan.

At first after he arrived I REALLY was troubled by the crying and such, but at the same time the more I held him and fed him and interacted with him, the more comfortable I became. Now he's my little buddy.

I couldn't imagine not having him. He wants so bad to be like his Dad. He loves to play outside and always wants me to take him for a walk with our dog. It's amazing how much you learn about yourself through your kids. He is affectionate and very well tempered and now that he talking he tells me and my wife that he loves us. How can you not like a child like that? He is very much a part of my life and will always be. I love watching him grow and learn. So to answer your question, yes I like and love my son.


#3

I like my kids. They crack me up, they're THINKERS, and they question why something must be done. That can be frustrating at times, but in the long run that's what I want for them.

Some days are not great and I do get frustrated. As I'm sure they get frustrated with me. :stuck_out_tongue:


#4

I have a feeling that most T-Nationers are likely to respond that they do, in fact, like their kids. Because T-Nationers in general, like themselves. And that rubs off on the kids. This forum probably isn't very representative of the real world.

Now, if I was to ask most people in the supermarket, while little johnny is freaking out because he wants some shit toy or candy......... if they like their kids, then the answer would probably be "NO". Or "FUCK NO".

I should add that shortly after my wife gave birth to our son ( after an adequate amount of time had passed ) I told my wife that I was getting 'fixed' unless she felt we needed to discuss it. She didn't try to talk me out of it, and I got 'snipped' ASAP.

I knew my limitations, and that going through the whole experience again was NOT something I was interested in doing. I don't regret that decision one bit. More power to those that choose to have 2 or more children, but for me, ONE is JUST RIGHT.

I maintain that if men gave birth, the human race would be extinct.

"Don't do it, man. It hurts"
"OK dude.

\|/ 3Toes


#5

they will be the only kids i will ever like.


#6

Methinks I'll be the same way.


#7

This is our debate right now. We are so happy with one, should we have another, or just enjoy the one we have. Of course both sides of our family wants us to have at least one more, but me and my wife are kinda leaning to just one.

We just can't decide. She isn't keen on the whole pregnancy bit again, and I support that, but then we feel guilty that he'll be an only child. It's a ongoing thing.


#8

We debated on having our second and I think we timed it right on the age gap, 4 years apart. You can never tell how your oldest is going to ract, we've been very fortunate that our son and his little sister get along reasonably well.

Biggest advice I can give is don't expect the second one to act like the first. They're both going to be individuals. And focus on having a good marriage first, being good parents second. You get the first one right, the second seems to naturally flow along.

As far as liking your kids, some nights you almost lose it, but you realize its all part of them growing up. I deal with kids everyday whos parents do not like them. You can tell it when they walk in the office, and you know the kid feels it, so no wonder the kid is out of control.

You have to like your kids to want to spend the time and energy it takes to teach them how to be descent people and how to live in this world.


#9

Well we figure we have a couple of years to decide. As far as a good marriage, I've got it. We are extremely happy.(No she not looking over my shoulder)And we feel we are good parents. Our freinds tell us that quite often.


#10

Too right. I am pretty vocal about not liking other people's kids. I don't like disciplining other people's kids, and I shouldn't have to.

My son still says he doesn't have a brother 'yet'. I gently explain some of the advantages he has by being an only child. I have never come right out and told him that it just isn't going to happen. I wouldn't ever let any outside sources influence such an important decision, and there are many benefits to being an only child.

For me personally, I see parents putting TWO kids into the vehicle, taking TWO kids shopping, etc. and I know I made the right choice. When my boy wanted to run one way and the dog the other way, I was pretty much screwed. :wink:

\|/ 3Toes


#11

We let the comments from family roll off our backs because after all we will be raising the child. And we also see others with more than one kid and we look at each other and say "Oh no way". But I think about how close I am with my younger brother and I want my son to have the same, or at least attempt to provide the same.

That and I hear from friends that are only kids say how bad growing up alone was. So again I am left in the same spot. I think what will happen is we will just let nature take its course. If we are meant to have another, so be it. If not, we won't persue it.


#12

Another thing about my son is that he'll hit spontaneous poses and make his face turn red in front of company. He does a little bodybuilding pose routine and then clap after. We laugh so hard at this mainly because I didn't intentionally teach him. I guess I look at myself more than I thought. We call it his "strongboy" routine. How can you not like a child that does this.


#13

Hahaha! That's classic!

I'm sure my kids, when they come, will be the same.

But for now, thank god, it's just me and the girl.

And that's the why I'm liking it. The dogs are enough responsibility for now.


#14

Interesting discussion... I have 2 boys 4.5 and 1.5 and they are great. My 4 y/o is hilarious and has such a strong personality. Everyone who meets him comments on what a character he is. I've come to realize that the personality traits he has that I think will serve him well later in life can be challenging to be a mom to. We often butt heads and he manages to push my buttons like nobody else and gets me very aggravated sometimes. On the flip side, he is hilarious and we have a lot of fun. He is also the most wonderful big brother I have ever seen.

The baby is starting to come into his own now and is a funny little guy himself. But he couldn't be more different - very thoughtful, cautious and shy - where his brother is a totally outgoing wildman.

It is very important to me that my kids are polite and behave themselves, so I often find myself the aggravated, scolding mom. I can't stand brats and refuse to raise one. This means I have to mean what I say and follow through on punishments. I'm with them 24/7 and that can be tough, sometimes.

We thought long and hard about having only 1 child. Pregnancy was such a miserable experience, I really didn't want to do it again. I've read some books on raising only children and there are definitely some benenfits, but we did decide it would be best to have a sibling. Now that he's here, I can't imagine not having both of them. HOWEVER my husband got "snipped" after the baby was born - we both agree that 2 is plenty!

We're looking forward to when our boys are a little older and it will be easier to do things with them. I'm looking forward to getting a little bit more of my life back once my kids are school-age.

About not liking other kids, I disagree. I teach ice skating to little kids and really enjoy most of them. They can be very cute and funny. Of course, there's always a "little maggot" or 2 in the bunch.


#15

I think you would find that the people who are short with their kids at the same way with everyone they meet. My sister in-law is this way. She screams and yells at her 6 year old for the slightest thing. The kid is an angel.

She also does it with her Husband. I think it is because she is just miserable, not because of anything. She just makes herself like that. I tend to think the people you see out are also miserable with their lives and the kids happen to be one aspect of it. I don't know if that means they would actually not want to have them, or don't like them. They just can't get past themselves..

I certainly hope I am not that way when we start to have kids.


#16

Kids are the best. The most rewarding experience of my life. My little guy is 11 and playing sports. It's a lot of fun for both of us. I wish he would play a sport I played however.

I love my son and I like and enjoy his company a great deal.


#17

We have 2 children, my son is now 15 and my daughter is 14, they are 13 months apart (It was planned). We get along great. My kids have been involved in health and fitness since they could walk, by the time they were 10 they knew more about health and fitness than most adults out there (I guess that may not be saying much). My son and I spent this past weekend doing a ?Star Wars? weekend, I had a projector set up that gave us a 93 inch screen and we watched all 6 movies, the girls went shopping. We also get along with their friends.

I also like other kids, if you don?t like other children remember they are a product of their environment and up bringing so can you really blame them for their behaviour? At least not all the time.


#18

I consider my life much richer having had children, and I know my wife agrees. We had kids very early in our marriage, we were both 19 and the two boys are 13 months apart. We were very happy with two kids, never really thought about having anymore. Until...we did.

Derek was born in 2001, when my oldest was 15 and his brother was 14. It was a bit of shocker, to say the least, when Nanc told me she was pregnant after all those years. Nobody can say God doesn't have a sense of humor.

I can honestly say neither one of us was too thrilled at the prospect of "starting over". We had dreams of long motorcycle trips and other things we really wanted to do. But we gradually warmed up to the idea. We both love kids and have enjoyed working with them in various settings. We also decided that we would not stop with just this one. My two older boys had a great time growing up together, playing, laughing, fighting, taunting, abusing and all the other stuff that goes along with being brothers. We enjoyed having the first two so close, why not the next generation?

Nancy was four months pregnant with Andrew when Derek died of SIDS. It was a confusing and heartbreaking time. I had seen my parents marriage ripped apart by the death of my brother, but by the grace of God we are closer than ever. When Andrew was born, we decided to stick with the original plan, and have two that would grow up together. Karalyn, out first and only girl, was born 17 months later. That is a new experience, and she already has me wrapped pretty tight around her finger.

So to sum up this long post (sorry), we have a 19 yr old sophomore in college, an 18 yr old senior in high school, a 2 3/4 yr old, and a 15 month old. And you know what? We are having the time of our lives. It's a lot different rearing kids as a 39 yr old (semi-mature) adult than a 19 yr old kid. The next generation was also the impetus for me getting off my fat butt and losing 60 pounds over the last year. I couldn't keep up otherwise! From my perspective, I couldn't imagine having just one, but you gotta do what you think is right.

Cool Topic...


#19

Everytime you post I think I respect you more.


#20

Brag Picture