it's funny the way our opinion of our bodies can change so much over the course of as small a timeframe as even a day.
Downstairs in my house I have a mirror in a room lit predominantly by floor lamps. Standing in front of that mirror I look ok.
My bathroom is lit by this massive halogen bulb (which I hate, but I rent so there's not much I can do about it) and in there I look fucking tremendous! Ripped, vascular and at least 20lbs heavier.
Self perception is entirely subjective, and what you see will NEVER match what everyone else sees.
I don't have a solution to your problem, or really any advice that'll help whatsoever, you just need to be happy with the progress you made so far (and I remember your thread where you cut, it was awesome!). Just because you don't like how you looked relaxed, I guarantee that when you've got your shirt off somewhere people are noticing, relaxed or not.