T Nation

Do You Care About Your BF/G/Husband/Wives Sexual Past


#1

Do you guys care about the amount of people they have actually slept with before they met you.

Some info for myself , i am a somali american muslim. In islam its pre marital sex is looked down upon as a major sin, marriage first before sex. I have never been one of those dudes that was super religous but i have always been able to maintain my virginity. i honestly could have lost it multiple times but i kept it

i was thinking about this earlirer this morning after one of my friends who is also muslim as well,was telling me about how he wasn’t interested in meeting a girl who has previous history of sleeping around with a lot of people. even if she did become super religous and changed her ways, the fact that she did all that would bother him. He said he stayed chaste for so long, and he is expecting to meet a potential who waited as well.

i honestly never really thought about this. i don’t think it will bother me at all.


#2

It depends on what has happened.

If she slept with a bunch of her friend’s boyfriends or was engaged and sleeping around then I’d have an issue, for example.

Ultimately, this is a personal matter and you should work out why this is important to you.


#3

Nope.


#4

Not so much to me unless it impacts our current relationship and shows a pattern of behaviour I don’t like or doesn’t match my values.

However, it doesn’t matter what’s important to anyone else. What’s important is that if matches your values and what’s important to you. Don’t expect a past from someone else though, that you don’t expect from yourself.


#5

I’ve been married for almost 20 years but if for whatever reason found myself single I wouldn’t be in any big hurry to get in the back of a really long line of other men.


#6

I value experience.

Also, I’ve never asked any of my exes or my wife. I really couldn’t care less.


#7

Different cultures, different attitudes. I’m a atheist and I could care less about my woman’s history before me. I had a huge sexual history before her. I was single for 12 years but only had one serious relationship before her and I wouldn’t change a thing. My girl doesn’t care about my past(some of it is common knowledge) and I don’t care about hers. What’s important to us what our past together, the life we live now and our future together.


#8

If you are looking to meet a girl that shares your religion and value system it might behoove you to search specifically for that. I think you said you’re in Dallas. 1st Google search result of “Muslim dating Dallas”.

http://www.lovehabibi.com/muslims/dallas-muslims/

No matter what standard you’re looking for you have to remember that all humans are fallible (including you). I know the other Abrahamic religions condemn just lusting after a woman the same sin as adultery. You’ve never lusted after a woman?

More importantly you need to realize that finding a wife you can trust and have a real relationship with is 1000x better than finding a paragon of virtue that you can’t even verify anyway.

Think about this hypothetical scenario: You find the perfect woman that is everything you’re looking for. You’re ready to marry her. You buy the ring. After you propose you find out she slept with her high school boyfriend at prom. What do you do?


#9

Honor killing is the only acceptable answer.


#10

It doesn’t bother me about the past that much. cause its in the past.

I saw some other people on social media talking about this as well. especially slut shaming. Like a girl would sleep with like 2-3 people max and dudes would just go nuts and call her a slut. its terrible, double standard is crazy.


#11

yea of course i lusted over a girl, but i never really pursued.

i wouldn’t mind it at all, past is the past.


#12

Turn her into a human shish-kebab


#13

A long history of infidelity would be put me off, most other things would not.


#14

Not necessarily indicative of a long sexual history but would STIs put you off (curable or not)?

I had a female friend who could keep a secret as well as a colander holds water.

She blabbed to me about her friend who had herpes, warts, syphilis (I seriously though it had been eradicated before this lol), gonorrhoea, chlamydia and I think a few others - some multiple times.

Nearly a year later, a different friend asked if I was interested in being set up with her…

I must admit I politely declined. Don’t know if it was the infections or being dumb enough to allow it to continue to happen…


#15

Exactly. This perfectly reflects my attitude about it all.

I think yours is a very reasonable attitude, @libanbolt.


#16

Far from it. While nowhere near the scourge it once was, syphilis remains a significant public-health problem in the US. I diagnose it once or twice a month–and I’m an ophthalmologist, not an infectious-disease specialist. (It doesn’t help that my state has the highest infection rate in the nation.)

Fortunately, being bacterial, syphilis is curable. Not so with herpes and genital warts–those conditions are viral, and thus cannot be eradicated (although they can be controlled). Old joke:
Q: What’s the difference between herpes and love?
A: Herpes lasts forever.


#17

It depends on what you are looking for. For sex it only matters as far as STDs. Protect yourself and if it is a exclusive thing you both get tested. If you are looking for a wife. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s not important. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-4085758/Experts-reveal-sexual-partners-ve-determine-likely-DIVORCE.html

But if you yourself want to stay promiscuous. Don’t be a hypocrite, you don’t need to worry about divorce rates anyway


#18

Yeah…STI also wouldn’t be great, though I wouldn’t morally judge a person for having them in the same way I would a history of being a cheater.


#19

I’ll interpret that spike at 2 as: often the 3rd guy to bang a woman has a lot to live up to :smile:


#20

Fun fact. Hindus commit just as many honor killings as Muslims. They have the market cornered on acid attacks too. Not all Muslims are ISIS. But you knew that.