T Nation

Do We Need Haters and Doubters in Our Lives?


#1

When I say haters and doubters I mean family or friends that genuinely care for you
but want to do you the "favor" of stopping you from doing something big so you
wont be dissapointed at the end.

Life is much better when its about proving doubters wrong. or is it?
Professonal athletes are driven by this and I would say alot of regualr folks
on this forum are aswell. Is it better to do things for the love of it or
for the pleassure of proving people wrong? or both? FOr instances, I have a friend that
was told by alot of people that he would never squat 500 pounds and he did it last year
after about 10 years of training. He told me that he would have never done it without the doubters. The doubters were fuel that he absolutely needed to reach his goals. He said that proving the doubters wrong was almost as good as the goal achieved. Hmmm got me wondering.

would Micheal jordan be as great as he was if he wasn't cut from the basketball team in high school? He said that was the turning point of his life where he started to get up early in the mornings and train like a mad man so he can show the coaching staff what a big mistake they made. How many of you are doing the things you're doing right now because you want to eventually prove to people that you can do it? is it even possible to become the best without haters and doubters invlolved? discuss.


#2

No one has haters. I think most people who say they have haters should get over themselves. You are not importtant enough for people to dedicate space in their brain just for hoping you fail. Im not either. No one is.

When I think of the few people I do actually hate, I have actual motive behind it. Whether its because they have stolen from me or whatever. they deserve it. So, unless you are just a complete asshole I really doubt anyone hates you. In fact, I'd bet that the people you claim hate you want you to succeed. Its kind of how we evolved, we needed people to succeed to ensure we survived...so why would that thought pattern just disappear?

I really think "hater" is the worst word to gain popularity recently. It has made people so self important and paranoid.

Shit. there are people I thought wanted me to die...turns out I was in the "why you hatin?" zone and didnt realize they wanted to help me. And when I finally woke up I began to grow as a person.


#3

If thats what drives you. As long as it stays in check and doesn't drive someone off the deep end, then who is anybody else to question the results?

As for the doubters or naysayers place in a persons life- I had a conversation with someone a couple of months ago that essentially ended an 11 year mentorship/friendship. I was discussing my plans to return to college and enter into a cert. program which would count towards an associates in engineering. At this point he told me I was wasting my time, didn't need an education, and was engaging in a protracted game of self pity for having lost my job.

Given that the plan was already in action, there was no drive or impetus from his direction. He was responding badly to something that is generally considered to be right and good. I have no room for people like that in my life.

Anyhoo, As I've gotten older and done about as much proving to others as I care to, I've found that support from others is nice, but the drive to accomplish and perseverance to see something through is an inside job.


#4

Adversity CAN breed strength. I became successful in mortgage because after I asked my uncle about switching careers from being an electrician to LO, my uncle (a successful loan officer for more than 25 years) told me, "well frankly, Bradley, I don't think you have what it takes". I was like, "fuck you, watch this". Six months later, my volume was higher than his.

I've also seen people who respond to negativity in just the opposite way - it shuts them down. I believe it all comes down to your identity and how you see yourself in the world. Are you "at cause" or "at effect"? For this discussion, I think that is the fundamental question that needs to be answered by each individual.


#5

Do you think he was zinging you just to lite a fire under your ass, or that he actually believe that?

Also, what is "at cause" and "at effect"?


#6

Absolutely - he later admitted that he was trying to motivate me. My uncle is an AMAZING guy - all American lacrosse player, Naval Academy graduate, two toars in 'Nam, took a one year motorcycle trip across Europe and Asia after that, got into real estate and then mortgage. He is one of the most successful people I know. He almost 70 now and still runs 5 miles every day.

Being "at cause" in the world means that you believe that your actions will generate your results in life. Being "at effect" means that you are holding a "victim mentality" and feel helpless to control and adapt to the events around you.


#7

I think it depends on your character and what drives you but my life and my success improved immeasurably when I removed the negative forces from my life. I've never been big on proving people wrong because you can't win with people determined to find faults. There will be little gratification when you realize they still don't think you're worth anything and they just don't give a shit anyhow.

Personally I respond better to visualizing goals for positive results rather than negative ones. Not that I don't occasionally indulge in the desire to show someone up but I don't think it's going to be the best way unless you have a great ability to hang on to anger and grudges to pull you through to see your goal and if you have that you're possibly a miserable fuck.


#8

He does sound like a good role model. It's good to have people like that in life. Having gotten a lot of negative messaging in life, I've developed a strong aversion to negative people and try to surround myself with good ones.

I get the at cause/at effect thing now. I've heard that referred to as "locus of control" and rated on a poor/fair/good continuum.


#9

He saved my life - LITERALLY. He was in the same rotary club as my prosecuting attorney when I got arrested and steered me to a defense attorney in the same club and pulled some strings - pretty much the only reason I was able to plea to only the single count of armed robbery and only get ten years (I was charged with 27 counts). I'd probably still be in prison if it weren't for him.


#10

I agree with this. If anyone ever said I couldn't do something, me pushing further to do it anyway was more to prove it to myself. I have had negative people like that in my life but I don't think I have seen any of them for several years so they wouldn't know they were "proved wrong" anyway.

I tend to think your life should be about trying to improve upon yourself. If you get that fire to do this from other people saying you can't...FINE. That is your source of power. Use it until you move on to another motivator eventually.

The people going nowhere will be those who can't find that fire from any source. Those are generally the "haterz" who haven't achieved much but feel satisfaction from saying negative shit about you.


#11

? I would say most celebrities or pro athletes have haters to some degree. This isn't some uncommon term. It refers to people who always have negative shit to say about someone when the reality is, the person they are degrading is actually doing better than them in many aspects.

Trust me, if you stand out enough, you will have people who will "hate" you for it. That's just life and isn't anything new.


#12

I'm not where I want to be yet in terms of my weight and size and I don't stand out (YET) but I am a lot farther from where I have been and some of my peers. This has driven them to really mock my attempts and goals. What confuses the shit out of me is that we had common goals at some point except I put my pedal to the floor. I think its because some people aren't where THEY want to be. Just furthering that you don't have to be 'important' or stand out from everyone for someone to hate on you.


#13

Excellent for you! I call that the inner FU.


#14

Sounds like you hatin'!


#15

Well, I guess we can say that if one looks for hate they will find it. Likewise, if love is the target, it won't be missed. =)

And standing out? lol You're talking to a jacked black dude that has been known to roll with skinny white goths.


#16

Mang, you hatin


#17

? I was referring more to having some sort of social advantage whether that be higher income, bigger house, newer car or simply greater status. These things tend to be what causes others to be more jealous.

Yes, your size may be an issue if your size was seen as a social advantage.

People tend to attack people who make them look bad.


#18

Also, just a question, Rock..but how high are you when you post here?


#19

I actually agree with you. I was just messin around in this thread.


#20

That kind of depends on the time and day man.