T Nation

Do Something Nice


for your wife or partner tonight.

I have spent the last 3 months working too hard, then going home and bulding my house

As a result my wife has been neglected too long, and she is divorcing me

Don't let the obsession for muscle ruin your life


The house that you were going home to build...was it your wife's too? Was she helping? It sounds like you were doing something nice.


She's divorcing you over 3 months of neglect ? ? ?


Hmmmmmm...sounds to me like there's more to it than this.


yeah it was our house, we both worked on it

but women run on compliments and attention, so those of you in the gym for hours, just think about what it is doing to your relationship

if you worked on your life as hard as you do on your body then i believeyou'd have a much better time



I have heard many times that fixing/building a house is one of the biggest hits a marriage can take. There's just too much work involved that isn't "quality time."
As for neglect in and of itself: I've got some situations around me where relationships are suffering because of neglect. It's got me thinking of my own marriage, and how I could sleep with a thousand women (yeah, right! I'd better get started!), and be discreet and it wouldn't hurt my wife's feelings as much as one weekend of neglect.
Real sorry about your loss, man.


its a bullshit excuse!

I know you will blame yourself, everybody does and she will feed on this during the breakup.
"You work too hard, Your too dedicated, you spend too much time at the gym, everthing else is more important than me...."
Its just Bullshit

Countless Women spend most of their lives looking for a guy like you with those traits and charateristics. Many will be happy, dedicated and loyal, but many turn on you and use them against you to give themselves justification in their behavior.

Try very hard to ease your mind and don't say that these traits led to the breakup. Other unknown, to me at least, factors did.

She will regret it later when she sees how many real loosers are out there.
You are a winner!


Oh by the way... dont you dare quite the gym or working out...


Classic case of diverting...

Dude, take ownership of your issue.

"if 'I' worked on 'MY' life as hard as 'I' do on 'MY' body then I believe 'I'D' have a much better time"

None of us are in your shoes, you're in them. I hope things work out for you but you need to realize that by lecturing us you are spending energy that could be focused toward fixing your real issue...



There always is. Children are victims of neglect because they can't provide for themselves. Adults have the ability to meet their own needs and the power of communication to express their thoughts to each other. Use them for crissake!!!!!!!! "Obsession for muscle" will never ruin your life, it can only enhance it. The effort and disclipline will carry over into every part of your life.

Put this effort either into reconciliation with your wife or obtaining a good lawyer. Good luck to both of you.


More to the issue than he is saying.

Someone is cheating.


No offense but if your wife couldn't stand three measly months of not getting all the attention she wanted then she wasn't cut out to be married in the first place. It sounds like she's the one with the messed up priorities and didn't want to sacrifice anything of herself.

There does however sound like there's more to it than what you're saying...Did you maybe mean three years?


Divorces are rarely just the fault of one person. Both parties contributed to the disentegration of the marriage and apparantly neither (in this case) are interested in doing the "heavy lifting and hard work" it takes to rebuild one.

Women bitch men show them no atttention, it goes both ways. How was she treating him for this three month period?

We get in cycles in relationships where we seem to say "well if you won't do for me, I won't do for you," and its a vicious circle and before long you're ready to leave or do something stupid.

Marriage takes work. Simple as that. Do the work, make the sacrafices, or deal with the consequences.


You make some very good points about communication - this is the #1 cause of divorce. But, when you say "obsession for muscle" can only enhance one's life, I have to disagree. Obsession of any kind is bad, period. Obsessing over something will, by definition, mean that you neglect other areas of your life. Balance is the key and it is also the most difficult thing to achieve, imo.



Did she mention this to you over the course of the 3 months, or was it more like she sprang it on you ("You've ignored me for the past 3 months; I'm leaving.")?

And just 3 months? That is absofuckinglutely ridiculous. It is an absolute mockery to marriage after all I've seen other couples go through and to the vows most people take when getting married. The excuse she gave is not the real one; I'm sure there is someone else. It sounds like she's the one with the problem, not you, although no party in a divorce is blameless.


I wanted to say this but didnt have the balls. But its more than likely true....people (men and women are Cowards in admitting this)


sorry for lecturing you guys

i just hoped to prevent this happening to you lot too

ok i wasn't piers brosnan every day, somedays i was a nerd, but this must be the same for all mortals.

turns out some local guy has been texting her saying what a goddess she is and I musn't love her as I am always working on the house etc.

So i think the attentions of another have been the real problem, but if I had paid more attention then his compliments wouldn't have had the same effect



Find that guy and fuck him up, immediately.


trouble is as soon as i do that she'll get all my house as i'm "obviously a nutter"

well the inability to eat much and an arse that thinks it's a muck spreader has resulted in me losing 14lbs in 10 days......so i'm off to the gym then off home for steak and eggs.


That's a bright idea..surprised you didn't win the Charles Draper award for 2006. How do you think this local guy knew she was being neglected in the first place..from the sounds of it these two are about 18 years old and had no right being married in the first place...this isn't 1850 anymore. There is a reason why everyone says 40 is the new 30,30 is the new 20, 20 is the new..notice the pattern.